I am a failure. Something that appears to come easy for someone else I am still spending so much time trying to find my way. I’m talking about pleasuring Master.
Countless times I talk about my issues with blow jobs. But really it’s all pleasure that is for Master that I have something wrong.
Master got really depressed last night when he thought about the fact that I don’t appear to enjoy pleasuring Master. He’s probably right and I can’t really understand why.
Now, I love Master. I love what he does to me and for me and I want to be with him forever. I also know that I want to do everything I can to make him happy.
My submission really is all about learning; some of it is learning what Master wishes me to learn, but the majority is learning why I have issues and trying to break them down. This is one of those times, but I feel that I don’t have a lot of time to do it.
I find giving Master pleasure when I am not going to get anything in return a chore or a job. It’s not something as pleasant as it should be. This is just the start of a really hard mental change. I think it’s because I’m not getting anything that I feel it’s a task. Like making his coffee. I do it because I know he wants coffee and wants me to get it for him. I don’t expect anything in return.
When I owe him a blow job or he wants a bit of fun while he jacks off I know I’m not getting anything in return so I don’t feel as into it. It’s like a mental block or something.
Gosh I don’t know. I’m frustrated, Master is frustrated. I guess I really need to get working.
–luna
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I'm a large, curvy, lustful submissive learning the ropes in a full time D/s relationship. My explorations with love and life and BDSM have brought me closer to the edge of pain and pleasure, deep desires for rope bondage and debauchery but moreso a desire to delve deeper into submission and service to my Master 
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Try not to think of it like this. My partner and I are switches, so the situation isn’t exactly the same, but in general, the times when I am happiest in the world are when I am making him happy. I am not required to, sy, get him coffe or osmething just becaus ehe asks, but I find myself doing it frequently because I want to. I want to give him backrubs, to make him happy. Because that makes me happy.
I gues what I am suggesting is that, I am happy only when my partner is happy because of how much I love him. So even if I’m not in the mood for a blow job, or if he wants to tease me and tickle torture me then stop instead of keeping the play going until I orgasm…. I am happy to oblige because it makes him happy, which makes me happy.
I don’t know if I’m saying it right…. do you know what I mean?
I understand what you mean. I’ve done ’service til I like it’ in the past and he can tell the difference when I’m into it or not. He wants me to be into it all the time. It’s a struggle but one I’m willing to work on.
I’m happy when he’s happy too. I feel fulfilled and satisfied. For some reason when it comes to sex items it’s not the same.
Nothing is all right when your top is unhappy with you. Absolutely nothing. The misery follows you around always in your peripherial vision. I commiserate. Good luck.
-Ayun-
I am one who loves providing the Best blowjob I can. I always have loved that. I think because I was taught that first, before any other sexual act and I learned early that men love this attention to their needs. I make a game of it, to hear the breathing changes, the sighs, the gasps……….I love going up and down the shaft with my tongue at unusual speeds…..and then slowing it down, I love taking my Master to the edge and then backing off……….depending on his need, he lets me do this, or he might grab my hair and force his cock down my throat, which causes me to cum instantly!!!!!!!! At that point I am saited and he is about to be…….make it fun, do it out of pleasure, do it out of pride, do it because you want to be the only one who can make him cum that way……..I know you can and someday you will be commenting to a young sub, just how much you love doing it!!!!!
Thank you for having this blog, I love reading it!
Thank you, I certainly hope that one day I’ll say I love it! It should be easy, right? I get enough practice and love him to pieces. I really can change my mental state, I’m just going to have to work harder at it, right.
Thanks for the comment!
Something to possibly think about and discuss around the issue maybe.
Is it always or most frequently done as something apart from play or intimacy? Perhaps incorporating the oral sex into your play or scene time more frequently where you are receiving pleasure could help condition both your mind and body to erotisize it.
Much like any other sensation. Pain as an example, not a particularly nice sensation. But by increasingly adding pain to each time a person receives sexual pleasure. Over time that person starts associate the pain with the pleasure.
my Master is a sadist to the 100th power so it is rare that i am giving Him a blow job that He isn’t doing something to me, say swatting my bottom or teasing my nipples, at the same time. Eventually for me i was having to learn to focus on what i was doing for Him rather than what He was doing to me.
Of course everyone is going to have their own “try this” or “think that” ideas that work for them. These are just mine. Hopefully from every thing shared with you, you will be able to find something that works.
Yes, blowjobs are rarely associated with anything else. There is usually no other play or sex involved. It’s just give him a blowjob and then back to whatever we were doing. I’ve asked him to incorporate them more into other play things we do, but THAT is so infrequent that we’d have to increase that as well.
Sex will have to be the standby. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind adding that.
Being a competitive person, I tend to be eager about the BJs I give because I want to do the best one EVAR for my guy.
The other thing that makes me emotionally okay about BJs is imagining how much pleasure I feel when he is going down on me and working to recreate that much or more for him.
Don’t know if either of those will help at all, but I thought I’d throw it out there.