A new development in our sexual relationship has been my serving as Master’s top. Something that seemed to me like a paradox, but from what I’ve read it really can work. So I’m going to make it work. I’ve not met anyone else who has a relationship like ours so I can’t associate this to anyone else. I kinda like that.
Master gets these urges for pain, very specific pain in which I am asked to provide that pain to him. This pain happens to be CBT. I’m pretty new at CBT and am slowly learning what Master likes and I think I’m coming along. It’s a rare thing anyhow. When he asks for it I feel conflicted about who I am. I’m his submissive. And now I’m also serving him in his desire for pain.
At first, I didn’t know I’d be able to hurt my Master so that he could enjoy himeself more. It goes against all I thought a Dominant was; but who follows the definition exactly? Certainly not Master and I! We chaff against the ‘norms’ this lifestyle tries to apply to us. What’s one more?
Master and I are truly happy with how our relationship is evolving. I still have a lot of struggles with myself but our relationship is still as strong as ever. I’ve been sending him twitter messages every day this month in preparation for Valentine’s day. I love the thought that he gets them when I’m asleep and it’s a little reminder of how special our relationship is.
So, serving him by giving him pain is a pleasure that I am learning to be better at.
This does mean that we get to start buying toys for Master’s itch. Sound like fun?! Oh yes. So, if you have ideas starting with cheap or handmade CBT toys I’d love to hear them.
If you are also a submissive wearing a service top coat I’d love to hear from you.
–luna
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I'm a large, curvy, lustful submissive learning the ropes in a full time D/s relationship. My explorations with love and life and BDSM have brought me closer to the edge of pain and pleasure, deep desires for rope bondage and debauchery but moreso a desire to delve deeper into submission and service to my Master 
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My partner and I are switches. He is a true switch, equally turned on either way. I tend to be more of a bottom, and I run top to please him because he enjoys it, though I do get a good deal of pleasure out of hesaring him call me mistress…
You can ask me if you need anything, or want to learn ideas. This gives my email address to you, I believe. For general advice, I would suggest looking into switch relationships to see how it works. Also – relish this. Use it. If you don’t want to give him a blow job during this time, deny him. If you want to be fucked, make him. My favorite game is making him beg me to come, and I will deny him over and over again. I will come 2 or 3 times before allowing him to come. It’s a real turn on when he can’t control himself, and is apologising to me…..
Also, you’re probably aware, but there’s a great website called http://www.fetlife.com There are a lot of people – tops, bottoms, switches, masters, slaves, vanilla, kink – at all points in these relationships. You can probably find a lot of mentors there, too. Just browsing group discussions will lead to a lot of ideas.
alexjade,
Thank you for the tips. They might help, but he’s more into just being masochist. He still controls how much pain he gets and when. I’m still serving his needs in this.
For Fetlife, I’m well aware. I have my profile linked in the sidebar. I run 4 groups there
Oh! One of our favorite toys that is so so cheap – go to the store and buy a bag of 100 or so wooden clothes pins. Pin them everywhere. Several per nipple, some on the neck, behind the knees. When you pin the penis, start at the bottom, so there is room for even more pins, and work up. If you’re new to this, go slow. Start with 50 or so, and only put 1 on the tip. I usually put a vibrator on them too – drives him wild! Tyoing him down works well in pairin with it, especially when you tie the rope over the pins on his nipples so t brushes them when he moves. I usually take a soft rope and tie it loosely around his neck, then wrap it down and use some more pins to secure the rope around his penis (think cock ring but softer) and wind it behind him and back up to the neck. Drives him mad.
Also – pain is good but so is safety. These can be very painful. I do not recommend leavig them on past the orgasm. Take them off soon. And don’t wait too long to let him orgasm when they’re on, either. You can work up to longer and longer, but if you’re new, it’s good to start very slow.
Just remember – he might want to pay you back. So in spare time, when he’s not around, if you have it, you might also want to get used to them. The best way to clip them to yours – only 1 directly on the nipple, and get the mnipple into that opening. not directly clipped. 1 to either side of and top/bottom of it (5 total per boob) are also a good, slow way to start.
ROFL! You know you are a new reader to my blog when you recommend clothespins…. Nothing wrong with that, but I swear I have stories here of the hundreds I’ve had on my body all at one time. I’m not stranger to wooden and plastic little beasts.
Thanks though.
yeah im new to your blog. also in general relatively new to kink life.
blogs this well established take so much time to catch up on i just started reading from when i discovered it. 
that being said – have you tried exactos???
We aren’t really into blood play at all, so cutting isn’t going to be on our list of play activities.
to each his own.