I’ve not been doing well with my diet the past few weeks. I’ve cheated a lot with starchy foods when I shouldn’t. It could be that I broke the diet and the cravings are taking me over. I am working on getting it back to where it should be but it’s not easy at all. But really that’s not all of it.
I’m not listening to Master when he’s playing my conscience. He is asking me if what I’m eating is in my diet approved list of foods. He’ll ask me if I should be snacking or having as much as I have. He’s being very good with helping me. I’m just not listening.
He’s frustrated because he’s helping me and I’m just shrugging off the reminders to stay the course. I’m not really sure why I feel that need to ignore him when it comes to my diet. I’ve asked him to be my conscience so what’s my problem?
My problem is that I don’t know how badly I want this. I want the weight loss. I want the rewards that come with it; but I really dread the daily reminder of the foods I can’t have right now, the control I have to have on my eating every single day, the motivation to stay the course. It’s all so stressful. Top it off with things going on that aren’t diet related and I’m just feeling so overwhemed.
I can’t say for sure if this is the reason I’m rebelling with the diet and everything else, but I know that I have a lot on my plate.
Other than that, my diet has been mildly successful. I’ve lost 13 lbs since the beginning of January. I want to be down 50 lbs by the end of May, but I don’t know how well I’ll get there. I want to be as close as I can.
To do that I really have to listen to Master. I’m really being horrible by not listening. He’s trying to help, for goodness sake.
–luna
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so listen to Him!!!
i am sure you can do this, wishing you all the very best with it. W
t. x
trinity-pups recent blog post..No Escape
For me my weight loss started out as an expectation from Master. He didn’t expect a huge loss, just a minimum 2 pounds per month. i was to report my weight and my loss once a month on the 15th. i did very well for a while, met or beat that 2 pounds each month.
Then life got crazy. Issues with children, a new job with crazy hours. Master was amazingly understanding through it all. i would still report my weight every month. That is until i started to gain back some of the weight i had lost.
Once life settled down into a more reasonable routine i got myself back on track again. i joined the gym that is in the same building i work in. i was doing well again. i lost the weight i had gained back.
my shift changed again and although i started out on the new shift with a new routine of still going to the gym that soon became less and less. The weight came back again.
Another change at work, back to the shift that i was doing well with my work, gym, home routine. Only i didn’t start back to the gym, it was just work and home. Master let it slide for a little while to see if i would correct myself. When i didn’t He gave a good firm tug on the leash. He had me hold a position that at one time i had no trouble holding. That day it was all i could do to hold it. Then there were the cane strokes. One stripe for each of the pounds i had gained.
That was a little over 6 months ago now. The amount of weight loss expected every month is still only 2 pounds, but i am to report twice a month now. i am back on track now with the occasional day i will not do so well. i’ll end up late at work and not be able to go to the gym. Or i’ll eat too much or something i shouldn’t. i am not taking each day as a new start, not dwelling on what i did yesterday or the day before.
There is nothing harder for me than having to tell Master that i have failed to meet His expectation. Nothing worse than the look of disappointment in His eyes. There is nothing better than being able to tell Him i have met or exceeded His expectation and to know i have pleased Him.
Oh dear. i very long ramble for the simple suggestion that perhaps rather than just the little reminders that there were more concequences from Him when you do let things slide for too long or too far.
From reading you i know you have a hard time with getting the exercise in you want to do. i do understand it can be hard as well. For myself, since getting more into the habit of working out, i have found the work out is a very good form of stress relief.
As an outsider looking in at what you are willing to share (thank you for sharing by the way) i see your heart is in the right place, you just haven’t had the right motivation to fully inspire you yet. i think once that inspiration strikes there will be no stopping you from reaching your goals
I hope you don’t mind my two cents worth, but you’re probably being too ambitious. Taking off 13 pounds since the end of January is great, but back off on the idea of losing 50 pounds by May. Aim for one pound a week at max. Or even 3 pounds a month woud be fine. If you lose too fast, you’ll put it back on again.
Think of this as a lifestyle change. You’ve got to eat better but also allow yourself some of the foods you crave or you’ll spend too much time craving them. Look at the long term. if you lose 3 pounds a month for 36 months, it’s over a 100 pounds. Do it for six years and you’re down to 150. I know that seems like forever but your chances of keeping it off if you lose slow are much better than if you lose it fast. Anyway, sorry for the lecture but I felt like writing when you first started that your plans were too ambitious so I thought I’d do it now. Hope you don’t take offense.
And while I’m giving advice, in your blog about not liking blow jobs, there’s nothing wrong with thinking of it as being of service to your Master and taking satisfaction in the fact you’re making your Master happy like a good slave should. And if you keep doing it long enough, who knows, you may start liking it. But for now, just think coffee and a blow job as part of your service. Just relax and see what happens.