Yesterday was a crummy day. Master decided that yesterday was the day he’d tell me everything that he is frustrated about or things I’m failing on, etc. I really wish he’s not wait till all of it piles up and then I feel like shit and not worth the collar I’m wearing.

No where does it say here or on Submissive Guide that I’m perfect or that I don’t have issues, so I really hope that people aren’t holding me up to a higher standard. I’m still a person and I can have problems and issues. Obviously I now have a lot to work on.

Trust me, this blog will probably be very interesting for awhile.

First, a common and reoccurring issue with Master and myself. I have a huge issue with blow jobs. Well, actually it’s the swallowing that he asks for. I have a block for the taste and it totally trips me up. I get the heebby jeebbies. Master insists that I learn how to swallow without complaining, the tremors or spitting. I’ve been trying since we first got together. When I’m in slut mode then I can definitely do it without the mental block, but when he’s asked me while he’s jacking off or when I’m giving him the hand job I just don’t have that mindset to swallow. Blow jobs are worse. I dread the end, I really do.

We’ve talked about it and this can not be a limit for me since I do it occasionally. It has to be a mental block. Something I need to get over, and soon so that he’s happier. I’m really not sure how to get over the block since practice doesn’t seem to be doing a good job at that.

Spitting doesn’t count. Even though I find it to be progress in the right direction, he doesn’t agree. So, I realize that practice will be part of it but how I can mentally work out the block in my head is another issue. I swear I’ve talked about this issue so much on this blog you all have to be sick of it. I can hear you all know, “just swallow already!”

So Master got totally pissed when he asked me to swallow and I spit instead. The big part of it though was the complaining before hand. I’ll cover that in another post since I’m still digesting it.

I’m looking for recommendations on how to clear the mental block. I have plenty of suggestions about how to make it taste better. I don’t need more of those. It’s not just the taste that stops me. That’s where I need help.

–luna