laurie’s ramblings of a madwoman
Slave, Wife, Slut, Writer and Crazy Cat Lady
You are currently browsing the monthly archive for February 2009.
It’s been just over a week since I lost my job. I’ve been home everyday trying to learn a new way of living at home. I don’t have a routine started yet. I’m just trying to figure out my daily chores, work with Submissive Guide and trying to keep the dreams at bay.
That’s right. I’ve had some horrible dreams. All of them pertaining to my lack of work. Some of them are my old boss calling and asking desperately for help with something that I didn’t document that I do. My old co-workers calling to ask for help doing something. My loss of health insurance also plagues me now that I have a continuing need for thyroid meds and anti-depressants.
My step mom is nearing the end of her battle with cancer and I feel at a loss. I can’t go there like I had hoped now that I’m unemployed. I don’t know how to help my dad or comfort him. I’m still trying to comfort myself.
Hopefully next week I can do all of the housework that needs to be done and balance my website work too. I want to savor being home and being available for Master and serving him by caring for his house and his love. It’s just the start of the path.
Can you do me a favor? I know this is essentially self-promotion, but if you find The Submissive Guide useful and worth keeping going, could you help me out?
First, you could always donate a bit of spare change to keep me buzzing with hot tea and chocolate. You can send it to me via the donate form on the right sidebar.
I also have several options for advertising. If you have a site or business you’d like to advertise on Submissive Guide, please see my Advertising page.
If you don’t have the cash, but would love to help me anyway I would be thrilled!
Please, just take a moment and spread the word. I’m here, I’m willing to mentor and share my experience, give me an hand and let the world know.
Spread the word about it. Here are a few things you can do to help me out.
Just let everyone know that you’ve found a great new resource that deserves attention.
The anticipation of the kiss, the touch, the exposure.
2. Do you have “a most exciting part of a sexual encounter” with a usual partner?
Yup, when Master undresses and his cock is exposed for the first time; it gets me excited every single time. Doesn’t quite work the same though if he’s already naked and decide to fuck. It has to be hidden first and then exposed.
3. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you just met?
Not open at all. I just met them, they don’t need to know to make an impression of me.
4. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you work with?
Well, obviously we all know how that went. I was fired because someone at work saw what I was looking at online. So um, yeah now I work from home with Master.
5. How open and honest are you about your life with a casual acquaintance who lives in your neighborhood (or the parent a your child’s friend or…)?
Why would I need to be? These are silly questions. I’m an exhibitionist, but I’m not looking to get shunned any time soon.
Today is the first day of really getting into a habit that will develop into a routine for me to follow. I’ve never done well being home with nothing to do, so I’ve had to come up with all sorts of things to do to keep me busy. Thankfully I craft a lot and I can start making things to sell, as well as things to use around the house.
My plans are to
I can’t say how long it will take me to get into a groove and be completely happy with my decision to try the ideal relationship. I don’t know how long the test will last if I fail before Master says to go get a job. I need to make sure we both don’t get cabin fever. I know that we can be more playful and sexual now that I’m home.
Once Master has noticed that I’m settled in my new routine he said we will be working on a more formal protocol at home and my rules will increase. It’s exciting and scary. I’m reaching one of my dreams staying at home. It’s almost surreal that we can actually afford for me to do this. I thought we’d have to be rich first, ya know. It’s always been prefaced before with, ‘When we are rich, I can stay at home and work…’ Master is sure we can do it with his current income and I’m willing to try, for sure.
It’s scary but so very sought after in this lifestyle. I hope that I can make it work for us.
After a bit of discussion with Master, asking advice from other submissives and really searching my heart if it were possible, Master and I have decided to try to have me be a stay at home submissive. I will be learning a more formal protocol and structure, keeping a clean and organized house, learning simple and green living, developing my 2 online income ventures Submissive Guide and luna’s BDSM Crafts (still in heavy development and planning). I’m also tossing around the idea of making the best of BDSM is Love into an e-book. I have over 1500 posts to pick from. Since there isn’t a lot of play described on this blog, I don’t know how well it would do as an erotica book, but I can see novice submissives buying it. We’ll see if time allows for this.
Today I got up at 7am. I did the dishes, cleaned the kitty box and wrote up my to do list for today, opened my home management journal to see what I had planned for Thursdays. Now I have goals, I have time and I have preparedness. I think I can do this. I really liked being the one to wake Master instead of an alarm.
It’s not going to be an easy adjustment. I’ve got to keep myself busy at first to see what I can accomplish and what I can do on my own. I’m hoping it means more play too, since the stress of working away from home is gone. I also wish more than ever that Master had an office. It would seem more like I have a domain and he has his instead of me invading his during the day. I don’t want to disturb him, but I don’t want to avoid the living room either.
Perhaps we’ll be able to move this fall. We might be able to afford a 2 bedroom and make one his office. Then who knows.
Yesterday was a horrible day in my life. I only have me to blame for it since I could have not done any internet surfing and I wouldn’t be in this situation. I think that no matter what websites I was looking at I would have been fired for violating their internet policy. I’m not arguing it. I left without saying a word.
I cried a lot last night, I feel guilt, loss, anxiety, paranoia and fear. I must have cried in my sleep because I woke up with sticky eyelids and a wet pillow. This morning, the friends and contacts I had made will find out that I am no longer there.
I feel vengeful too. I want the contract to fail, I want them to realize how hard they have it now that I’m gone. I want the contacts to hate the new person and beg for my return. I want them to screw up so bad with the new person, or the billing, or realize that I left with so much information not written down and they can’t figure out how I did something. I’ve been assured that this feeling is normal.
This morning I got up and made Master’s coffee. Last night we went over the 2 website business ventures that I can be working on while I look for work. If they seem promising I could go into business for myself. Master will increase his hours to full time and make more than we did together when I was working. We will be fine for money.
However, the first thing to go last night was Shibaricon dreams. We canceled the registrations and hotel reservations. It’s just not feasible to not have me working for extra money and try to save it at the same time. It would put too much stress on Master. Maybe next year. There will be rope pleasure though, as the second Two Knotty Boys book, Two Knotty Boys Back on the Ropes will arrive tomorrow. I can’t wait for Master to tie me up again!
So now I figure out a new routine, filed for unemployment, look for a job, work on my websites and try to get some income off of them. (BTW if you are interested in advertising or donations for Submissive Guide, please contact me)
We’ll survive. I have a wonderful Master that keeps saying we’ll be fine and he’ll take care of me because that’s what he wants to do. One day I hope to say it myself. Right now, it’s just a holding pattern.
I have been fired for looking at my websites from work. Sucks but I can’t say it’s not fair. I broke policy. Now what do I do?