Monthly Archives: January 2009

Contented or Not

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Master and I spent the afternoon out and about and then settled at Panera where we pulled out our laptops and enjoyed a different atmosphere. I got one and a half posts done for Submissive Guide and that’s always good. They take more thought and focus than my posts here. I’m so happy with the enjoyment I had there that I want to do it again soon. I wish we lived somewhere that had more wi-fi hotspots though for variety.

This week Master fisted me, but he couldn’t get all of his hand in. It’s been a very long time since we’d done it previously and I think my ability to relax and allow it to stretch needed more practice. I love the feeling of fisting, but it’s really a love/hate activity for me. I love the feeling of it, and even the pain and swelling afterwards. I hate that I’m then out of commission for sex for at least 3 days afterwards while it recovers. I’d like to get over the hate part. Master loves the idea of really large things in my pussy and if I want to please him, we need to do it more often.

My other issue is more biologically controlled and may be TMI for most of you here, so feel free to skip this paragraph. Master and I love anal sex, but we don’t do it nearly enough for either of us. The problem is mine. I’m a frequent poo-er. Three-four times a day is not unusual for me. Doctor says it’s normal for some so he’s not alarmed. I’d love to go to once a day or so really. Becuase of my frequent bathroom visits my bum is rarely available for anal sex. Enemas, no matter how small, seem to aggravate it and ugh, just not what I was going for. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do since my new diet is a lot more fiber than I’ve had in the past. And you know what fiber does to your system. Good for the diet, bad for the sex.

Today I have chores planned. There are a lot of things to get done to make me feel good about the house cleanliness, I’ve been letting it slide. Hopefully I’ll get to the laundromat too. So, the timer just went off to tell me that free time is over. I have got to get started.

–luna

Sugasm #156

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The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #157? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Mouth Music
“Can you feel the heat of my lips taunting you yet?”

4 a.m.
“My mouth craves skin and I dip my head to her shoulder.”

Wanting
“I want my whisper in your ear to make you shiver”

Sugasm Editor
Sex Work And Honesty: Being Too Honest

Editor’s Choice
To Richard, A Dedication. Confession #205

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Continue reading →

Slave Training Lesson #6: Expectations, The Contract

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This lesson is all about writing a training contract between you and your trainer. Since I am doing this alone, the book suggests writing a plan of action or purpose statement. I don’t intend to make it fancy or anything. In fact, I have an idea for a basic one.

I, lunaKM, pledge to carry out the lessons within the Training with Miss Abernathy book in a timely manner and will not perform any of the tasks or activities without full focus and intent.

I will endeavor to learn all that I can about my personal submission so that I can be a better submissive to Master and provide more anticipatory and effortless service to him.

I will work to achieve a high level of order and cleanliness of his home and his submissive so that no matter where he is, he is surrounded by beauty.

I will use what I have learned from my own experiences to help other submissives that may ask for him assistance and will keep a humble attitude when asked for my opinion on these experiences.

I will endeavor to expand my horizons on activities and tasks I may not be completely interested in if I can see a use for them in Master’s home.

What would you put in your statement of purpose if you were carrying out the training?

More In-Depth Thoughts

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A few days ago, Master commented about my blog and it’s lack of quality writing, “I preferred it, personally, when I could read your more in-depth thoughts.” Exactly what I was thinking was missing too, and honestly I hadn’t noticed was missing until he pointed it out. I couldn’t think for the life of me what was missing. So, first I removed the silly videos that no one needed to see. You can search for them yourself if you want. Then when I created the Submissive Guide I moved the Thursday Question over there because it seemed to fit that better than this blog. Now what I have left is TMI Tuesday, which is fun, pure and simple, Monday Meditations, which is in depth thoughts and the Slave Training with Miss Abernathy. I think both of these last ones fit the bill for possible in-depth’ness.

Of course, this is when most blogs tend t close down you know. When the posts seem to take on a superficial look to them and the blogger isn’t blogging as introspectively as they used to so they feel the blog is failing. I thought that too when I noticed my stats drop by 50% in the past 6 weeks. “What was I doing differently.” I asked myself over and over. Turns out I wasn’t blogging really, I was just filling the pages with stuff.

In the beginning this blog wasn’t about generating traffic. It was about reflecting on my journey. I’m not doing traveling this path by a long shot so why did I get so weak on thought? Lazy, pure and simple. I do have other website things going on, but The Iron Gate and Sensual Service mostly run themselves. My new veture has taken a bit more time and will take more time than my others to succeed. I can’t neglect this place though, and all of the readers *wave* that I have. I love you all!

I’ve really not taken the time to reflect on how important blogging is to my submission, but I know that it has helped me grow and change. Just reading through the old archives you can see what I used to be and where I am now.

A new year is just dawning and I have so much more to think about and explore.

–luna


The Spirit of Christmas

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I’ve been a naughty girl. I hurt a really good friend and someone I look up to. The webmaster of Taking-It-Off took action that I most likely deserved. I’m not going into details and dredging up my mistakes. I hope that I can rebuild some sort of relationship that will be full of strength and honesty and I will behave myself. Sometimes I forget that the way I do things is not the only way. It has been a humbling experience and I owe it to her and her Master for wising me up fast. I hope to learn from what I did so that it never happens again.

I’ve prepared for Christmas the past few days. Master and I will have cookies and chocolate covered pretzels coming out our ears for weeks to come. We will have enough turkey and the trimmings to last at least 3 weeks and we will have a lot of quality time starting tomorrow. We don’t know what we will do yet, but computer time should be limited. I’m sure we’ll find things to do ;)

What is the true spirit of Christmas? Is the giving nature, the charity that happens this time of year? Is the fullness of heart, the cheeriness of people everywhere you look? Is it the moment of realization that there is something grander than ourselves, that the purpose of our being here may not be an accident? Perhaps it’s the warmth you feel around the ones you love, the expressions of happiness and joy in your family this season. What is the true Christmas Spirit to you?

To me the Spirit is something intangible, something that doesn’t come around every year for me. It’s a feeling of peace, of quiet reflection. It is that moment when I realize that I wouldn’t change a thing, no matter how much I struggle with life. I’m thankful for the friends I have, the friends I’ve had and those that I have yet to come to know. It fills me from within and causes bouts of nostalgia, open sighing and smiling for no reason. This is my Christmas Spirit.

–luna

Links about Christmas that are wonderful!

Christmastime.com

Christmas Favorites

Santa Claus and Christmas at the North Pole

Merry Christmas.com

Christmas Traditions around the World

In a Mood

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Boy was yesterday horrible for me mood-wise! I don’t know what got into me but I just couldn’t be anything but rude and obnoxious and emotionally sensitive with everyone – including Master.

Yes it get me into a lot of trouble, for which I have to wait till next Tuesday to pay for, talk about dread. Ugh. I’m really sorry now and can’t believe I was that out of character. I hope it doesn’t happen again any time soon.

Day three of my South Beach diet is going okay. You can follow along on my quest to lose weight on my diet blog, 100 to lose.

I’ve been really busy with my new website venture, Submissive Guide and I hope that if you haven’t already checked it out you come on over. I’m constantly working on writing new material, but I can always use ideas! In fact I’m working on ideas for podcasts or videos. Not sure how well they will work, but ya never know!

So, how is everyone’s New Year starting out? Is it as up and down as mine is? Do you think this is foretelling what the rest of the year will be like?

–luna

TMI Tuesday #168

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‘Would you rather…’ edition

1. Would you rather be stranded on an island alone or with someone you dislike/don’t get along with? I’d rather be stranded on an island with someone I dislike, because sooner or later that island is going to get lonely and you will want to talk to someone, anyone.

2. Would you rather accidentally walk in on your parents having sex or have them walk in on you? OMG, um…. I’d rather walk in on my parents I think. I don’t need them knowing what Master and I do in the bedroom. I’ll leave it to their embarrassment.

3. Would you rather be snapped by paparazzi during a nipple slip or while exiting a car with out any underwear?
(guys, consider similar circumstances) Nipple slip for sure. I’d flash them more often if I could get away with it.

4. Would you rather not have sex for two years or not be able to use the Internet for two years? Dang these are hard! I think that in this day and age I could skip the sex, as long as I could masturbate! But then again… without the internet I could have way more sex… oh my. I can’t decide.

5. Would you rather find true love or 1 million dollars? True love, no question.

Bonus (as in optional): If you had to choose *one* sexual position for the rest of your life, what would it be? Why? Doggiestyle, it’s my favorite, hits some really good spots and you can do it hard or soft and it feels so good. Hey and think about it, you ass is availabe easier then too!

The Submissive Guide

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If you have been following my twitter you know already. I’ve started a new web project that I hope will be a wonderful help for submissives everywhere. It’s called Submissive Guide and is set up as a place for self-paced learning, mentorship and training. I’ve just started it, but I’m sure that I’ll have lots of insights to share. Pleaes feel free to cruise over, subscribe to the RSS feed, and comment on the few posts I have over there already.

I’m working on a few things of interest over there like a Training Resume. Taken from the training folders on The Marketplace series I’m going to help people develop a guide for your own training resume. If you’ve ever heard of Home Management Journals or Butler’s Books, well this will be another collection of resources. This one will be for your submissive life! (You may also learn how to do Home Management Journals, Butler’s Books and more.)

The Thursday Question, that has lived on this blog for over a year is moving over there too, so if you follow the question, come on over to get it every week! I have so many more questions to ask and get answers for!

If you have ideas for topics, questions, reviews or anything else, please feel free to contact me. You can leave a comment here or over there, email me or IM me if you have my IM. I’d be happy to hear your input.

Submissive Guide is also an attempt to make a bit of money, so you will see more ads over there than here. If you would like to donate, there’s an option there too! Show me how you feel.

I hope to see you over there!

–luna

A New Diet

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I start a new diet tomorrow. After doing a lot of reading and research I have settled on the South Beach diet. I was going to do Atkins but a lot of what I read didn’t sit well with me. I found South Beach had a lot of the same ideas but had a different reasoning.

So tomorrow I won’t be eating bread, rice, pasta, fruit, or potatoes. This will go on for 2-4 weeks before I switch to phase 2. Then I can slowly add in one serving of carbs; probably fruit. Each week after that I can add one more carb serving until I feel carb cravings. That will tell me I’ve reached my limit and should stop adding carbs. Ultimately I hope to be able to add tortillas, whole grain bread, fruit and rice. I’m sure I’ll miss potatoes but I don’t know if I can handle the high carb level of them in my new diet.

My goal right now is to lose 50 lbs by the end of May. My hope is that I’m on the high end of the scale for expected weight loss during phase 1. I’ve read that you can lose between 8 and 15 lbs the first 2 weeks. If that is the case, I will continue for another 2 weeks on phase 1. That’s the maximum recommended time on phase 1 and since I have a lot of weight to lose I should be fine doing that. If I don’t lose within the range I may switch to phase 2 after the 2 weeks. We’ll have to see.

Master will be helping me with my measurements today so that I can record them. Exercise starts up tomorrow. I’m in a habits challenge on FetLife and I decided the habit I want to set up is getting at least 90 mins of exercise every week. Hopefully setting myself up to doing some exercise every single day. I know I can do it.

Tomorrow is it. Once I instill these eating ideas into me, I hope to never go back to this weight again. My ultimate goal is to lose 150 lbs. It’s a bit overwhelming right now.

If you want to cheer me on, I have a diet blog. Come on over and wish me luck! 100 to Lose

–luna

Tight Blue Jeans

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I’ve had a reoccurring fantasy lately of Master wearing a pair of really tight blue jeans and then dominating me in them. I’ve written about it recently where I had a dream that he rubbed his crotch in my face and we played hard while he wore them. The idea of that being fulfilled is one step closer.

Thursday, Master and I went out to Wallyworld and bought a pair of jeans one size smaller than he wears. He tried them on last night at home before we got down and dirty and I was so hot just seeing him in them. They frame his ass nicely and are even nicely revealing in the crotch area too. I had to just touch him to feel trembling between my thighs.

He grabbed me by the hair and pressed my face into his crotch, rubbing it around. It was intoxicating. I could feel his bulge growing and smell him through the new fabric. I loved it when he turned around and I kissed his ass through the jeans. I couldn’t stop touching him. I nibbled on his dick through the jeans. It was all so very much like my feelings in my dreams.

He mentioned entertaining the idea of wearing them when we play and I just melted. Oh yes Master please do!

Now what else would make his outfit complete? Wifebeater shirts? Smart button down and tie? Leather vest? Hmm, I’ll have to think about it.

–luna

Size and Sexuality Study: My Responses

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I just wanted to pass on a quick note and let everyone know of The Femmeinist Fucktoy‘s current study on Size and Sexuality. I answered the questions and they currently are posted on her blog..

Here’s what I had to say:

luna[KM] is a 31 year old female who identifies as heterosexual with bi-kinky tendencies. She is owned and collared by KnyghtMare. Her personal blog is BDSM is Love, and she also maintains a number of other websites including The Iron Gate and Sensual Service.

What size is your body?
I weigh 340 lbs, am a pear shape with a large belly apron. My measurements are 54 60 64. I wear a 28/30 US.

How comfortable are you with your body both in general and your body size specifically?
I’m quite comfortable with my body around people I know, but am very sensitive to looks and whispers when out in public and with strangers or new acquaintances.Specifically I don’t like and am very embarrassed by squeezing into theater seats, having to move the tables of booths so that it can accommodate me, or skipping sitting altogether to avoid the embarrassment.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your body and the size of your body changed over time?
I remember as a child being humiliated at my size. I was constantly picked on, and while my friends did enjoy being around me, they always tried to pair me with the fat boys, as if I would only be acceptable around them if I dated within my own body size. As I grew up I realized that my size wasn’t so bad and began dressing as if I was average sized. This included short skirts, tight tops, sleeveless or halters and tried my best to be sexy.

Then I got married and gained over 100 lbs. I felt horrible about how I began to look, no clothing fit me right, I didn’t want to dress sexy any more. Sweats and jeans were common attire. Now that I’m not with him anymore and with my Master he has lifted my body image immensely. He cultured my love of sexy clothing, reminding me that when I wear make-up and do my hair I feel sexier. This has resulted in a new pride in my body size and I’m less uncomfortable going out with him beside me.

How important is sexuality to your life?
Sexuality is very important in my life. I feel the most free when I can express my sexuality openly.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your sexuality changed over time?
I grew up thinking that sex was something you only did with your spouse and it was very hush hush. I thought that the woman didn’t have to enjoy it every time and that as long as the man was happy, the sex was fine.

When my husband and I separated I was exploring sexual freedom. I tried to sleep with anyone who wanted me. It wasn’t a proud moment in my personal history but I learned a lot about myself during that time.

I’m far from that thought now. I love sex and love expressing my beauty to my owner. I’m a flirt and a tease and tend to engage in these tactics at the most frustrating times! He encourages my sexual identity and I thrive in knowing that I’m a sexy woman to him and can light his fire with just a look.

How comfortable are you with expressing yourself and your body sexually?
I’m pretty comfortable expressing myself, although I seem to lock up when put on the spot and asked to ’show how bad I need it.’ It took me several months to be comfortable masturbating in front of my partner and it still causes a skipped beat when asked to do that.

How comfortable is society with the idea of viewing your body as sexual?
Society really isn’t comfortable with people my size having sex at all. Someone my size is more a fascination or fetish rather than an acceptable desire. If I dress sexy I tend to get unappreciative looks from people because in their eyes my body should be covered and hidden. Sexuality isn’t accepted in obese people. It’s like we are lepers or something.

Through answering these questions and/or thinking about your relation to your body and your sexuality, have you noticed any links or similarities between the two? If so, what?
The bigger my body has gotten, the higher sexuality plays a part in my happiness and fulfillment. Of course that could be attributed to my partner’s adoring gaze too.

I encourage everyone to consider answering the questions themselves, even if you don’t want to send the answers to her.

Enjoy!

–luna