Reflecting in the past year, how have you progressed in your submission? What challenges have you overcome and what others are you still working on? — SubmissiveGuide.com
I’m sure this question was aimed at me directly when I came up with it for this month’s SubWise. It’s not an easy question for me to answer and I guess I wanted others to answer it too so that I didn’t feel alone with my thoughts.
Looking back on the last year I can see I’ve actually gone downhill more often than I’ve progressed. I spent much of this last year grieving my step mother, the loss of a friendship and the loss of a job. None of these things I’m completely over. It sent me into a depression for which I was medicated for much of the year. There have been several large blow outs with Master and I. We are still holding firmly to one another, but the outlook has been bleak on occasion.
In February when I lost my job, Master took a step deeper with me and said that we would try out me being a full time stay at home submissive. It’s not been an easy adjustment and there are still times where I feel like I am not contributing and I’m more of a burden for Master than a blessing. I enjoy not having to work, but then again I think most people would.
I am capturing a desire to learn how to make more things from scratch, pick up some crafting and home care talents. I started recycling early in March and I’m going to learn breadmaking soon as well as pressure cooker canning this next summer. I’ve always wanted to jar up my chicken and noodles and beef stew. We always have lots of leftovers from it and it would be so pretty to sit in the cupboard rather than the freezer. The more I learn how to do at home, the more money I think I’ll be saving Master. That’s definitely a good thing.
I taught myself to knit and basic crochet so that I can make a few things we go through a lot of in this house. I’ve been reading up on knitting socks and hope to try my hand at that after I get the double pointed needles and some yarn suitable for it. I’m starting with tube socks since I am lost when I read about turning the heel and admit that I’m still a beginner when it comes to knitting so perhaps next year I can learn how to turn the heel.
My relationship with Master is more difficult to talk about. I know what he expects from me and most days I can find it in me to feel cheery about it. So much of what he expects isn’t difficult really. My attitude towards it has to change. This is something I picked up from reading The Surrendered Wife that I reviewed on SubmissiveGuide. It’s been helpful and from what I can tell so far I’m doing okay. I’ve added a hand written journal that has really helped me voice things that this blog just isn’t good for. AND the physical journal is completely private, Master doesn’t read it.
Our play time is practically non-existent since early this year. It’s mainly my fault. Either I’m not on the mood, I’m sick or hurting or I’m depressed. I’m certain that as I improve my mood from this current fall out that the play will come back as well.
Needless to say this has been a difficult year.
Others Participating in SubWise #5