After the most recent post, I’ve really been thinking about just how emotional I am. Not just sadness but I seem to get pretty attached to my emotional state.
When Master makes me happy I feel high for a long time, almost like I can’t come down fast enough. When I’m down then I’m really down. When I’ve reached a submissive mindset, I can be in that mindset for days.
Part of me has wondered if I picked up my mom’s Bi-polarism. She would be so extreme that one hour she would be happy and then the next she’d be in her room drinking away her sorrows. It was hard to live with. Then again I think Master would notice really bad mood swings that aren’t being controlled. That means I’m just an emotional person.
When watching a movie or TV, if someone dies or there is a funeral I tend to start crying. When things are romantic I’ll feel mushy and could cry then too. Master finds it sweet, and for me, sometimes I think it’s annoying.
I’ve spent the past few days crying and weepy on numerous occasions when I thought of my step mom. Even know as I look at the handmade items I got for Christmas all around the place I think that next year I won’t have the pleasure of them.
My dad might not have his companion. They are so alike that they like to wear the same jackets, most of the pictures I have of them are in matching shirts and so forth. It’s just the saddest thing.
–luna
Catherine says:
SUBJECT: Snoring Kitty Fucking Machine
We love you. When I see a sad thing on TV or in real life, it makes me really emotional too. I used to cry every time I heard a siren.
A good method is to notice when you are dwelling on something sad and consciously consider “Is it a good time to do this now?” For example, I think obsessively about death almost every night. I have learned to stop the spiral by 1. recognizing that I am thinking about death, 2. accepting that it’s not a good time to think about it right now (sleep time), and 3. doing something to distract my brain, such as reading your blog and staring at the fucking machine advertisement. Fucking Machines. It’s like a mantra.
We’ll all be here to help you through this! You are special to us.
-Ayun-
When my stepmother died of a brain tumor, I wept for days on end. We were estranged by then, and I never understood how much I loved her until she was gone. The preciousness of life and our interconnections and all of the changes that make us whole… Perhaps this is what it is about?
In the past few days I have cried so much I left my girl Ayun crying too. Somewhere these tears flow together, and we keep each other strong. Your reaching out to me these past few days has meant the world to me, and here I am, curled up in bed with Ayun, reading your blog with a snoring cat. I am going somewhere with this, really, but the advertisements on your blog are really hot and very distracting. . . . . . .
Much love and support.
-Areli.
luna says:
Thank you to you both, I really appreciate the love I feel from you two. I only hope that my Master and I can be there during your trying time as well.
I love that Fucking Machines ad too! Of course there will be a day when Master and I own a lovely machine
Greenwoman says:
Hello Luna, I was thinking about your concern about having bipolar disorder…I am always of the opinion that it can’t hurt to have an evaluation. If indeed you do have this brain chemistry imbalance, a mood stabilizer will make life alot more fun and peaceful for all concerned. If you don’t, then you know that its a thinking issue like your friend suggests. A matter of staying in an attitude of gratitude. Its not necessarily true that most people with bipolar disorder have really severe mood swings like your mom. Sometimes they are much smaller and effect function alot less. And I have also noticed that subdrop tends to upset moods and make them unstable. As well some people are just sensitive to the moods of others and will act like a holding tank for it until they finally slough off the emotions. Any of these things can be a part of mood. I am sure you’ll figure it out though.
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