Monthly Archives: November 2008

Libido Challenge Update

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So, we are about a week into the challenge, Master and I have had sex 9 glorious times. It’s been hot and spicy. I’ve been wet most of the time, although there was a day that I was dry as a bone. But that’s not what we are checking in this challenge are we?

My libido… has it increased at all since last week? Sure has. Not by a lot but I am noticing that I’m thinking about sex more often and I look at Master lustfully frequently too. It’s a good thing.

Master seems to be enjoying himself too. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t get any sex. I was even enjoying the blowjob he got yesterday before dinner. He’s so sexy and hot.

Remember if you want to follow along, you have a few options.

You can follow my twitter. I post to it as soon as I can after we have sex.

You can check out my spreadsheet where I’m tracking my desire and satisfaction for each occasion.

About 2 more weeks left!

–luna

Thankful Goodness

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Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I’m enjoying my day very much. Master and I haven’t bothered getting dressed all day. I’ve made a couple batches of Christmas Cookies, enjoyed watching Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade

Master has had a haircut, will shave later and a nice hot shower. I then toweled him dry and lotioned his entire body. He thoroughly enjoyed it.

Turkey will be ready soon and then we can gorge ourselves! Apple pie for dessert (we don’t like pumpkin pie).

I hope all of you have a wonderful day.

Lesson 3: Strengths and Weaknesses

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Miss Abernathy’s Slave Training Lesson 3

Exercise:

  • List 5 things you do very well.
  1. Cooking
  2. Planning
  3. Type
  4. Learn new things quickly
  5. Kiss
  • List 5 things you don’t now how to do, but would like to learn.
  1. Canning
  2. Sewing
  3. Prostate massage
  4. Formal beverage service
  5. Recycling
  • List 5 things you are embarrassed about not being able to do well.
  1. Ask to masturbate
  2. Housecleaning
  3. Initiating sex
  4. Stick to a routine
  5. Swallow semen
  • List 5 things you love to do but would never admit to in public.
  1. Listen to NKOTB
  2. Turned into a sexual object
  3. To be forced to repeat phrases
  4. Watch Master work
  5. ??

Public Displays of Play

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I’ve written about other forms of public exposure of what we do but left this one to last for some reason. I’ve hung onto it for quite awhile becuase I’m trying to really sort out how I feel about public play. How subtle is some of our play? What about the fun of doing something with the possible chance of being exposed? What about the play that is hidden and yet in public?

So, out of all the other Public Displays posts where I said that everything we do needs to be hidden or very subtle from vanilla public, this one is kinda blurred. We can play easily while others haven’t a clue.

For example, what about having to wear a butt plug whlie shopping, or I’ve read that one person wears a trench coat and no clothing to go shopping. What about when submissives follow instructions at work to go masturbate in the bathroom? This is all play in public.

Master and I enjoy some subtle play in public. It spices up the relationship quite a bit. Some of it I over exaggerate and he seems to enjoy that. He’ll grab my ass just so and I’ll gasp out loud. I’ll masturbate in the bathroom and pray that no one comes in and hears me.

I can’t say that vanilla couples don’t do any sort of sexual and erotic play subtly. Of course they can!

What do you do that is fun public play?

–luna

Mediation Monday: Affirmations of a D/s Relationship

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Cannon said: In your post here:

http://blog.the-iron-gate.com/2007/08/28/all-a-matter-of-thought/

…you mentioned that you had a lot of great ideas for affirming and strengthening a D/s dynamic, even at a distance. I would be very interested in learning what you came up with. I myself am faced with this very situation.

That’s a really good question and I’m sure you aren’t the only one wanting to know how to strengthen your relationship.

To do this in my relationship I had to first understand the most important facets of our dynamic. These were and still are communication, honesty, trust and love. If any of these falter then we have a bigger problem and affirmations are not going to help us. But to make sure they don’t slip too much we can affirm our relationship with a lot of things.

I’ll start with being apart. Master and I started as an online relationship with the intention to be together. To make sure our relationship stayed strong Master had me write a journal/blog to record what I was thinking when we weren’t talking to each other. I also wrote emails to him whenever I needed to feel closer to him.

Master set up rules for me, things like health and hygiene, clothing choices and other small things that would affirm that what I was doing was for him. Other basics were having chores (sexual or otherwise) to do at certain times of the day or week. Anything to keep the dynamic in the front of my mind was helpful.

I’ve also read that meditations or mantras really help some submissives. On FetLife there is a thread that someone had made up a slave’s rosary. I love this idea a lot and have even considered making my own and having a physical rosary bead set for the mediation. There are slave prayers and things all over the internet that if read or recited could help affirm submission even at distances.

Being together is another beast in itself, however the things done at a distance can be continued for live-in relationships or close but separate relationships. When you are together you can do more physical strengthening. Every Sunday when Master and I are done with dinner, I bath and massage his feet. It’s a very intimate service time for me and him. He looks forward to it every week. Then I sit at his feet on my subbie pillow while we watch TV until I can’t sit there anymore and I sit cuddled to him or next to him. It’s a part of just being together.

Little things that you do to strengthen the dynamic are all personal. You can use the ideas I have all over my posts in this blog or you can come up with your own. It’s all about finding what works for you to continue to remember how wonderful your dynamic is.

–luna

luna's Increased Libido Challenge

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Ok, so the 30 day challenge has begun! Last night Master and started 30 days of sex every single day to see if it increases my libido. I’ve read and seen in places that frequency of sex increases the desire for more sex. We are going to test that out this month.

In searching Google I found a few interesting articles about sex frequency and increasing female sex drive. Here’s the articles that I liked the most:

Optimal Sex Frequency

Enhancing the Libido

Forum post with suggestions from readers on how to increase female libido (funny-ish)

Here’s the complete challenge:

  1. Have penetrative sex at least once every day until my next period.
  2. Orgasms not required.
  3. Twitter after every sex session.
  4. Keep a spreadsheet of the libido challenge, open for public viewing to record any increase or fluctuation in my desire.

I’ve started filling out the spreadsheet, so feel free to perv into the study and see what we’ve been up to; or follow me on Twitter!

My goal after 30 days is to see if the frequency of sex increases my desire for sex. No porn or other erotic literature will be used to turn me on. Just Master and me getting down and dirty a lot!

What would be interesting is if we could continue to ‘research’ the following month and add other enhancing items like porn, literature, writing fantasies, etc.

I’m so excited with this!

–luna

Underactive Thyroid

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Diagnosed finally

With a disorder

That’s causing fatigue and forgetfulness

Weight gain and depression

My carpal tunnel and brittle hair

Hypothyroidism

I’m on meds for life

To bring it up

So I can get through a day

Without a nap

And all my diet efforts

Will finally pay off

I’m happy it’s treatable

Dreading the new every day routine.

Increased Libido Challenge

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I asked Master if he was interested in testing a theory that the more sex you have, the more desire you have for it. I can’t remember where I’ve read it, but I have seen it several occasions. Of course this would mean lots and lots of ‘work’ in the line of sex with me. Heh.

He said sure! (Like I thought he would turn it down.) So I asked him for a month; 30 days of sex everyday. I’m thinking it has to be some form of penetrative sex, so while blowjobs could be counted, I don’t think they would increase MY libido, so I’ve asked him for vaginal or anal sex or sex with toys if he just isn’t up to the challenge (again, we are talking Master here *chuckles*).

Starting immediately after my period is finished in a couple days and going until my next period starts we will attempt to have sex every single day. I think it should be lots of fun. I’m trying to figure out a way to document our ‘efforts’ so that you can follow along. I remember Curvaceous Dee did a spreadsheet for her Mastrubation month, it might work well for the libido challenge too. Hmm. I’ll ask Master what he thinks of documenting it and go from there.

Day 3 into my synthroid and I’m already feeling less tired. Now, some of you are probably saying that it can’t be the meds, those take a month to build up in my system. I have always believed that medicine is part science and part mental persuasion. I believe that the meds will help me improve and thus, they will. Even if they aren’t chemically doing it — I am feeling better because I want to believe that they will make me feel better. Just as good as meds right?

–luna

Making a Decision

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I don’t expect this post to be very long, but I’m trying to figure something out. I don’t want to make this blog about my dieting issues and yet there are a lot of posts on it. I really want to keep the focus on my submission and other life trials. When I think about people coming here as a reader, they don’t want to always read about my weight issues, or that I failed to exercise one day or something.

I do think that I need to write about it somewhere. So… these are my two options:

  1. Blog about it here, but don’t display them on the front page or in the RSS feed. If readers want to read it, they would have to click on the category heading at the top of the page.
  2. Blog about it elsewhere.

What is everyone’s thoughts?

–luna

A Diagnosis is Made

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I have hypothyroidism. I don’t know a lot about it except that it could be why I’m having such a hard time with my diet. It would also explain the difficulty concentrating lately, the forgetfulness and the fatigue. I do know that my diet efforts will be a lot easier once the meds are on board.

The unfortunate news is that I will have to take meds for life now. Ick.

–luna

Ending again….

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I’m so fat. I’m annoyed and frustrated. It’s my own damn fault but I have to get going again and I have to admit I can’t do it alone anymore. Master wants to help me so he’s going to exercise with me. It’s going to be hard because Master hasn’t liked exercising before. I’m also going to really track what I eat as best as possible.

According to data and facts I need to be eating 2250 calories everyday, 150 oz of water and exercising at least 90 mins each week building to 200 minutes.

Since I feel better when I have people helping me and supporting me, I’m opening up my email box for anyone that wants to write me, send me encouragement and support. I’m looking for people willing to keep me in check, offer me advice and allow me to whine when I need to.

Currently the scale doesn’t even record my weight anymore. I’m going to have Master do my measurements tomorrow after work. I’ll have to follow those for awhile until I’m ready to step on the scale again.

I’m trying to decide if I should not have my diet struggles on my blog here (at least the main page). I might filter them and if you would want to follow you’d have to go to the skinny thoughts category or feed.

So, here I am, frustrated, sad, hating myself right now.

–luna

Laundromat

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Washing laundry

Put off as long as possible

Clothing overflowing

Some still on the bedroom floor

Only so much soap and quarters today

Dreading the mingling of strangers

All folding their personals

Avoiding eye contact

Watching the peculiarities

Of others in their washing rituals

See the sorting, stuffing adn tugging of fabric

Attendant pretends to help

Only wants to ignore all on a Sunday

The hum and smells

Pass the time in cycles

Rediscovery of My Muse

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Rediscovery of my muse

lain dormant for so long

may take time to nurture

back to health.

Much to say about my life,

but words like rivers

are all dried up.

Burst the dam!

Flood the fields

and brink the waters back to life.

Once again connecting

to my soul;

Touching raw emotion.

Dancing once again with my heart.

Emotional Slave

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After the most recent post, I’ve really been thinking about just how emotional I am. Not just sadness but I seem to get pretty attached to my emotional state.

When Master makes me happy I feel high for a long time, almost like I can’t come down fast enough. When I’m down then I’m really down. When I’ve reached a submissive mindset, I can be in that mindset for days.

Part of me has wondered if I picked up my mom’s Bi-polarism. She would be so extreme that one hour she would be happy and then the next she’d be in her room drinking away her sorrows. It was hard to live with. Then again I think Master would notice really bad mood swings that aren’t being controlled. That means I’m just an emotional person.

When watching a movie or TV, if someone dies or there is a funeral I tend to start crying. When things are romantic I’ll feel mushy and could cry then too. Master finds it sweet, and for me, sometimes I think it’s annoying.

I’ve spent the past few days crying and weepy on numerous occasions when I thought of my step mom. Even know as I look at the handmade items I got for Christmas all around the place I think that next year I won’t have the pleasure of them.

My dad might not have his companion. They are so alike that they like to wear the same jackets, most of the pictures I have of them are in matching shirts and so forth. It’s just the saddest thing.

–luna

Hard Topic

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I spent Wednesday night out to dinner with my dad and my stepmom. It was great to see them and spend time with them.

The hard part was when K insisted on talking about her cancer and the time she has left. She even has dates. She almost bluntly said she will be gone by July of next year. Until now I’ve been living a little ignorant about the whole thing, just hoping that she had more time.

They brought Christmas presents and while they didn’t stay to see me open them, they said I could open them or wait. Something inside me just said I had to open them. K makes a lot of homemade items; sewing the gift bags also which I just love! I wanted to be able to thank her for them because I was so terrified that she might not be around if I wanted till after Christmas to tell her. I already have one regret when my grandma died in 2002, I didn’t want to feel bad about not being able to say thank you.

And when they left I cried; it’s never fair. I can see how stressed my dad is, how she’s putting on a good face, but inside she’s falling apart. I know that my dad will fall apart when she parts this world. I don’t know how much I will be able to comfort him, but I will try.

I’m glad they came up to Iowa to see everyone. It was a bittersweet time that I’m sure I’ll remember for quite some time.

–luna

Sugasm #152

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The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #153? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Sugarbutch Star: Maze – The Girl in the Red Dress
“She’s the kind of girl who brings out the worst in me.”

treat or … fuck
“He looked like I had just given him a car for Christmas and he gently took my hand and led me upstairs. ”

A Life Exposed and Amplified
“We were breaking the rules and being dirty.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice
I told him I loved him. He gave me a pen.

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Continue reading →

Patience and Study

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Favorite Quote: “A slave’s life is mostly composed of patience and study. Yes, study. If not with actual books, then following the example of greater, senior slaves. Or learning every nuance of their owner’s character, so that they can more completely and seamlessly offer themselves at the right time and in the right manner.” Laura Antoniou

When I first read this quote I didn’t really believe it. I thought that everyone had to learn by themselves and just take on the advice of others. Little did I know that I would one day find myself looking to the ways other submissives and slaves carry themselves in order to enhance my own submission.

I’ve been working slowly through the Slave Training Guide by Miss Abernathy. I think it could be a huge help for my focus and desire to learn to be better. I have a lot of goals in mind and I think I have some motivation to get started on them. I’ve constantly starting and stopping, and then starting again. I had one person say that it takes a week to set up a habit, 21 days for a routine and just 2 days to break it all. Not sure if I believe a lick of it.

I’ve always wanted to be better domestically. I’m domestically challenged and have written about it here on numerous occasions. I’ve asked how to get started even though I’m sure I know the answer. Just do it. Plan a small thing each and every day and just do it. I have started a Home Care Journal and I do have each day listed with chores to accomplish, but I’ve not been able to carry them out for some lame excuse or another. It’s about time it stops.

When the house is a mess I don’t feel submissive, I don’t feel open to Master’s command and I don’t want to play. It drags me down. So why don’t I make caring for the home a priority? Gods I don’t know.

I’ve been lazy forever. I should make it stop by working on what I know is right to do. Exemplary submissives and slaves will clean because it makes them happy to be of service to their Dominant in that manner. I feel that way too when I’ve accomplished all the cleaning. Why can’t I desire that attention more often?

I know I can do it.

There are also things I’d like to start doing. I want to begin recycling and have asked Master for help in that. I want to learn how to do basic canning and perservation of food. I want to conserve energy and use natural cleaning products. I want to learn to budget better. I’d like to start my BDSM crafting business. I’d like to be able to have time to be fully in the moment and just serve.

So as I see all that I want to study, all that I’d like to do and I watch or read other submissives doing it, I’m somewhat jealous, but also know that if they can do it, so can I. They had to start where I did and look where they are now. I can be there. I can impress. I can serve.

I will serve and one day I will bring more pride to my Master with what I can accomplish.

–luna

Happy Love Our Lurkers Day!

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Yes, once again it is LOL, short for Love our Lurkers Day. A day to celebrate the silent partners in the blog world, those that keep coming back again and again to peek into our world, never leaving their mark. Well, it’s the day to say hello!

I’d like to encourage you, yes YOU, to post a comment on this blog. I know I have lurkers. I get over 800 visits to my blog each day. This is your chance to come out and tell me why you like my blog, say hello and then you can recede into the blogosphere for another year.

If you don’t like my blog for some reason, let me know that too. I can take it. I’m seeking your feedback. I welcome you all to drop a note below and invite you to continue commenting!

–luna

A Shift in the Diet

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I finally listened to the specialists in the field (and Master) that I wasn’t eating enough balanced calories to even start to lose weight. For four years I’ve not eaten more than 2000 calories. For most people that is plenty to stay healthy. Because I’m starting at a much higher weight, I should be eating more in order to maintain and then to start losing.

The most trusted calculator says I should be eating 2600 calories a day for weight loss and over 3000 if I want to maintain my current weight. 2000 calories happens to be what I should be at for my goal weight. Obviously with almost 150 lbs I want to lose I’m eating way too little.

So right now I’m working on increasing my caloric intake. The stress is that as I increase it, I gain some weight. The reason this happens is because my body has been in starvation mode, so if I give my body more food it thinks it needs to keep it in case I starve it again. Once it realizes that I’m going to be feeding it enough then it will start to lose the weight.

Until then I feel so very fat. My knees hurt, my back hurts, my clothing doesn’t fit well. I just feel icky.

I’ve started really kicking in the exercise every other day to start, but I want to make it to everyday (except Sunday). When I can do that I will feel that I’m making a difference. Hopefully I can get going on the weight loss by the end of the year.

–luna