Cannon said: In your post here:
…you mentioned that you had a lot of great ideas for affirming and strengthening a D/s dynamic, even at a distance. I would be very interested in learning what you came up with. I myself am faced with this very situation.
That’s a really good question and I’m sure you aren’t the only one wanting to know how to strengthen your relationship.
To do this in my relationship I had to first understand the most important facets of our dynamic. These were and still are communication, honesty, trust and love. If any of these falter then we have a bigger problem and affirmations are not going to help us. But to make sure they don’t slip too much we can affirm our relationship with a lot of things.
I’ll start with being apart. Master and I started as an online relationship with the intention to be together. To make sure our relationship stayed strong Master had me write a journal/blog to record what I was thinking when we weren’t talking to each other. I also wrote emails to him whenever I needed to feel closer to him.
Master set up rules for me, things like health and hygiene, clothing choices and other small things that would affirm that what I was doing was for him. Other basics were having chores (sexual or otherwise) to do at certain times of the day or week. Anything to keep the dynamic in the front of my mind was helpful.
I’ve also read that meditations or mantras really help some submissives. On FetLife there is a thread that someone had made up a slave’s rosary. I love this idea a lot and have even considered making my own and having a physical rosary bead set for the mediation. There are slave prayers and things all over the internet that if read or recited could help affirm submission even at distances.
Being together is another beast in itself, however the things done at a distance can be continued for live-in relationships or close but separate relationships. When you are together you can do more physical strengthening. Every Sunday when Master and I are done with dinner, I bath and massage his feet. It’s a very intimate service time for me and him. He looks forward to it every week. Then I sit at his feet on my subbie pillow while we watch TV until I can’t sit there anymore and I sit cuddled to him or next to him. It’s a part of just being together.
Little things that you do to strengthen the dynamic are all personal. You can use the ideas I have all over my posts in this blog or you can come up with your own. It’s all about finding what works for you to continue to remember how wonderful your dynamic is.