September 2008

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Newly Discovered Blogs

Here is my list of newly discovered blogs within the BDSM blogosphere! I have found them very interesting and enjoyable to read. I hope you will enjoy them and feel free to leave a comment or two. You just may find a new favorite blog!

Bedroom Submissive

Her girl’s musings

A Good Girl’s Log of Accountability

Mystress Lady Evyl

Life In A Cage

The Enigmatic Angel

Dark, Deep & Deviant

Brimstone Bedlam

Sinful Erotica

I weighed in this week 5.5 lbs lighter! Yay, I’m well on my way to 20 lbs lost by Christmas. I’m so happy.

I didn’t do a minute of extra exercise because of my back pain, but I did really good with the food intake and is shows. I know I can do this. Just 5 more lbs and people will start noticing the change and my pants aught to fight a lot better.

Master has said he is proud of me and I am so proud of myself. I’ve never been so boosted as I have been this week with my efforts. Just more of the same to come.

Maybe even more than 20 lbs by Christmas, I can dream can’t I?


Ann asks: i was asked recently to list ways i enjoy giving service to my master and i listed many things i know he likes but i struggled with my “own” things i enjoy doing for him, partly because i just enjoy bringing him pleasure it really isnt what i do it’s the fact he get some kind of pleasure…. so my question is what kinds of thing do you do day-to-day for your master? that you enjoy?

Ann is right that a lot of what I do for service are things that I know that Master enjoys and while I don’t have to enjoy them I do them so that he is pleased and pleasured. I’ve had to really focus at times to serve him in ways that I either don’t want to do or just don’t have the desire to do. He knows when I’m just serving to serve and there are no emotions behind it. My service suffers for that.

There are things that I enjoy doing. I enjoy ordering Master’s food at restaurants and making sure it comes out correct. I am mortified if I have ordered it wrong or it comes out wrong and he says it’s okay and he doesn’t want me to correct it.

I like being the one to take care of Master’s house. I’m not a great housekeeper but I’m working on it and I get a thrill knowing that the house he is in all day long working and playing is clean and tidy. As I said, I’m working on making it better though.

I really enjoy Sunday night foot rubs. I get into giving Master the best massage of the week and he enjoys it immensely and looks forward to Sunday nights all week long. It’s a very intimate time and we connect really well during that.

Occasionally I will enjoy fetching his drink for him (usually coffee). I like cooking for him when it’s something special or home-made that he loves.

I’ve been looking into more ways to serve him and have some in mind for further development. He likes that I am looking for more to please him and he feels that it’s a good time to increase what we do.


Meditation Monday is for me to be able to see my relationship through your eyes. I do hope to get questions or thoughts so that I can continue to journey. Please feel free to comment here with questions, or if you want to be more private, use my contact page up at the top and email me. I’d love to know your thoughts and hear your questions.

Our 4 year anniversary is coming up in just over a week. I can’t believe that 4 years ago I was meeting a man for the first time and he would never go home. It’s been a wild and wonderful ride, one that I hope never ends. Last night he asked me if I ever think we might be a couple that is together forever. Oh yes, I do and it fills me with such happiness and awe.

We don’t fight. It may seem to some that it’s a lie, but what I tell on this blog is the truth and I would certainly be talking about fights too if we had them. We do disagree from time to time but it’s always elevated civility and never gets to yelling or worse. I never thought a relationship would be a rock solid as ours is.

Yesterday I was going through a really hard time and was more depressed and needy than I had been in a long while. Without a thought, Master took the day off work and spent it with me. Sitting with me, laying with me when I needed to lay down or rest, and just being there. We hugged a lot and kissed a lot and fucked frequently. Whatever I looked like I needed he gave, just to help me though my day. I would have never gotten that in past relationships.

I’m a lot better today, I’m feeling more normal and I think I have Master’s constant attention yesterday to thank for it.

If any of you recall there was a time in 2005 where our financial hardship was intense. I made a bad choice and wrote a rubber check for a vetrinary bill. My cat was dying and needed to stay overnight for medication and healing. Well this check has come back to bite me. I have a court date for the 16th and am in need of a lawyer. I’ve never had to look for a lawyer before. What kind of questions do you ask? How much is too much for a retainer? The phone book has pages and pages of attorneys, where do I start– with A?


Every week there will be a BDSM question posed to readers here at BDSM is Love. Feel free to answer it as candidly as you’d like. If you’d like to participate in the discussion please leave a comment on this post, send me an email or post the response on your own blog!

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Did your partner know or find out? How do you feel about faking it in a D/s relationship?

Have you ever given false responses during play; for example moaning a little louder than the strike really felt like, or squirming extra because you think the Top might enjoy it? How do you feel about being overly expressive during play?

My step sister S. and I aren’t close in the sense that we see each other often, but I do read her blog on LiveJournal and she might read mine (I don’t know). We never grew up together as we were both old enough to care for ourselves when her mom and my dad found each other. It’s been 16 years that they’ve been together and I can say that my dad has never been happier than with her.

About 2 months ago, I read on S.’s blog that her mom was ill, very ill. At the time she was in the hospital having fluid drained from her lungs. I was concerned. When I called my dad he had tough news. K was diagnosed with cancer. Two weeks later, we found out that it was nearly end stage Mesothelioma. This is the cancer related to asbestos inhalation. No one knows where she could have picked it up. She’s estimated to have 6 months to 5 years remaining. She’s in a lot of pain and suffering tremendously.

When I heard that I had very conflicting feelings. I’m not really close to my dad, and by extension, K. But I was close enough to consider her a mother figure when my own mother failed me. I know how happy my dad has been with her and am so very grateful for her presence in his life.

I’m struggling with grief for someone I don’t know well, and worry and anxiety for my father, who will lose his wife sooner rather than later. They are only in their 50′s. I see how S. is fraught with stress and worry and sadness and I wish I could feel the same way for her and for K. Why can’t I feel the way she is? Is it because I’m not as close? I worry how my father will take the inevitable. How will I? The last death I remember was my grandmother and it was/is hard when I remember her. Just hard.

I’ve asked work about the grief policy in case my father asks to have me come out for the funeral to make sure that it can be applied to stepfamily. Thankfully, even though it isn’t in the policy, my manager would make the exception since I’ve let him know well in advance. I’d get 3 days bereavement pay to go out there (Virginia) to be with him and for him.

Right now things are really up in the air. He knows I’m here for him, but so far away yet. I wish I could do more, say more, make something mean more. It’s such a helpless feeling.


On September 18th, YouTube pulled the TKB videos of bondage and knot tutorials. This has caused a huge ripple throughout the bondage arena. The boys themselves have given away these videos under a Creative Commons license and wants us to share them and upload them, host them and file them wherever we think they are needed. We are pulling together to get their videos out there so that we don’t lose the resource we have in them.

If you have ever learned anything from a Two Knotty Boys video, please consider downloading the set and sharing them anyway you can. Below is a link where you can download them from or a Torrent (the better option) Please, please seed this as much as you can once you download it so that others can get it too!

Let’s help these videos spread like wildfire across the internet!

Two Knotty Boys Video Set

Mediation Monday: What do I think about when getting a spanking? What does Master think about while spanking me? Do I even think at all?

Well, this is an interesting question and one that I really had to think about in order to know how to answer this. I thought it would be fun!

When Master is spanking me my mind does a lot of racing. Honestly not all of it is the spanking related. Here’s just some of my random thoughts that plague me when I’m ass up. Some, in fact most, are funny as hell out of context.

“Maybe I should clench my cheeks so that it doesn’t jiggle.”

“Not that spot!”

“Spank me harder”

“Not so hard!”

“I wonder what toy that is.”

“I hope he doesn’t use that toy.”

“Oh god I want him to use that toy!”

“Should I move the hair out of my eyes?”

“We need to change the sheets today.”

“Oh, no I need to fart.”

“I hope I look sexy like this.”

“Oh that was good!”

“Oh that was bad!”

“When is my next vacation day.”

“Pizza sounds good for dinner tonight.”

“Can we have sex after this?”

“Can we have sex during this?”

“Am I turning Master on?”

“How can I turn Master on.”

“You could roast marshmellows on the heat radiating from my ass right now.”

“Go faster!”

“Stop rubbing in between swats.”



“You can take this, absorb the pain, enjoy it, love it, let it become all you feel.”

“I hope Master lets me nap after this.”

“I’m going to be so giddy after this!”


“Stop please”

“Don’t stop!”

Now as to what Master is thinking, I haven’t a clue. He’ll have to comment on this if he wants to participate.


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