August 2008

You are currently browsing the monthly archive for August 2008.

Here is my list of newly discovered blogs within the BDSM blogosphere! I have found them very interesting and enjoyable to read. I hope you will enjoy them and feel free to leave a comment or two. You just may find a new favorite blog!

Insatiable Desire

Blogging Slave

Tristan’s Pet

Perfectly Flawed

Blood, Sweat, Tears

Vanilla Impaired

Learning complaisance

Collar’s Adventures and Journey

Dom-Free Zone

Every week there will be a BDSM question posed to readers here at BDSM is Love. Feel free to answer it as candidly as you’d like. If you’d like to participate in the discussion please leave a comment on this post, send me an email or post the response on your own blog!

Are you a sex blogger? What do you enjoy about talking about your experiences?

Master and I spent a very long day with some great friends of ours in the BDSM community a week ago. It’s always a chance for me to behave and I seem to be more exacting about getting my rules right and obeying Master when other’s are watching. Generally I make him proud and the changes in my behavior for the positive are always good.

However I didn’t keep it up. At some point in the evening my mind shifted from what Master wanted to what our guests wanted and I started acting out. I even went on without listening to Master, not asking permission for things I normally ask for and being outright disrespectful. When Master called me on it, he pointed out that others in the room are watching my behavior and how I am acting and it wasn’t normal behavior for me.

It did make it more painful to be chastized in front of others with the knowledge that I’d be paying for it on my punishment day as well. I do not know what the trigger was for me to behave so poorly when I’m normally a good girl and I like to show off that I can follow my Master’s rules and make him happy.

Then again, that could be it. I like to show off. I’m an exhibitionist. I like to make people happy, I like to be the attention-getter. I’m not really a show stealer, but I do enjoy when I get recognized and when people are smiling at me and my behavior. For me to reflect so badly for Master was very disappointing for him and me.

I still feel bad about it while I know that I can correct the future and not allow it to happen. I will maintain my focus and Master will be the only one I have a need to impress.

I know that those that witnessed my behavior understood it, for I found out that one of my submissive friends picked up on it long before I even did and knew exactly what I did wrong as soon as I did it. I had to hear it from Master in order to know what I did. I was that clueless.

Another friend, a Domme that is in her first 24/7 relationship was watching intently and I hope that I didn’t give her a sense that Master doesn’t know how to control his property. He had me reigned in before the night was over, but I know that I could have behaved better.

I’ve been working on my thinking almost every day since this happened so that I can focus more on Master even around others when my main pull has been attention-seeking in the past. I need to make sure that the only attention I actively seek is my Master’s. His happiness needs to come before anyone else. Why it’s taken this long to realize this gap in my focus is not due to either of our lack of work. This is the first time in a long time that we have friends we see on a semi-regular basis that are lifestyle oriented. It’s great to finally have people that we can be normal around.

Impressions are very important to me, and that may be why there aren’t a lot of pictures of me on this blog in compromising situations. I want readers to get to know who I am inside and not concern themselves with my physical appearance or what activities I get into. I try to act appropriately around others and Master has worked very diligently to get me to be respectful and polite around everyone (something I didn’t learn at home).

I don’t need to earn praise or attention from others when the only person that really matters is my Master. His happiness in me is paramount to what others might think.


I’m looking for interesting blogs to read! If you have or know of an interesting BDSM related blog I’d love to have a look myself! Share it in the comments please.


From Submissive Journal Prompts: When was the last time you were punished? How have things changed since then?

First I should remind readers that I define punishment and discipline as different things. In this post, I’m talking about punishment.

The last time I was punished was well over 2 years ago. I hope to never have to go through that sort of punishment again. I seriously thought that I had failed Master so miserably that he was going to release me, and he did admit that he had considered it. I atoned for my transgression not only with the punishment of 30 days of hardship, but for months to come as I rebuilt my Master’s trust.

Things have changed immensely for me and my submission as well as the relationship that has come out of it. I’ve not only earned his trust back, but I now wear his permanent collar and have for 18 months. I feel deeper in my submission than I ever have and my progress with training presented to me has been great. This blog has a large archive of my history and anyone who is a long time reader can see how I have progressed and changed. I’m proud to say that I’m feeling more submissive than I thought possible.

Now, if we talk about discipline, I’ve been disciplined more recently. Master has a black book that he writes my transgressions in and on Sunday evenings I atone for them. When I do something wrong, he will say, “That’s going in the book,” and then I know I’ll have to pay for it later. This has been nice because I can apologize immediately and not feel the guilt of just being disciplined for the action. It all happens on one night. For really bad set backs he uses the cane (we do not play with the cane, it is punishment only). Other issues are resolved with corner time or some other idea he hasn’t given me yet.

Last Sunday, not yesterday (I was good last week), I got 20 cane strokes for my behavior over the weekend. I practically lied to Master while shopping one day. I violated a huge rule with that one. Will I never learn?


Meditation Monday is for me to be able to see my relationship through your eyes. I do hope to get questions or thoughts so that I can continue to journey. Please feel free to comment here with questions, or if you want to be more private, use my contact page up at the top and email me. I’d love to know your thoughts and hear your questions.

I’ve been trying to make the new apartment feel more like home so that I can settle and love the environment I have set up. Part of this for anyone desiring a home feeling is good curtains. Curtains bring out a character of the home and it’s occupants. Visitors are going to notice the curtains when they visit. I feel it’s very important to have lovely curtains in a house to make it a home.

Master thinks otherwise. To him they are ‘just curtains’ and can’t understand why after 25 mins looking at all sorts of curtains I still haven’t made up my mind on what to purchase for our living room. So many things run through my mind;

Should I do modern or traditional treatments?

Do I want a pattern or plain color?

What material would be easiest to maintain?

Do I want a double cafe rod or a traverse rod? Basic rod?

Should I have tie backs?

Are they opaque enough to not allow people to see inside when I don’t want them too, but easy to open to light when I crave that too?

How much do I want to spend on these?

What color do I want (the rest of the living room is silver metal and black so any color would be a benefit)?

So as I wandered the area where panels and valences, shams and rods all moved through my vision I could only think, “what would make Master happy?” I picked up several that I liked, but knew that he would not and he also confirmed this on a few options I brought to his attention.

“Just pick some, they are just curtains.”

They are more than window treatments and I just can’t convey in words what I mean by that. It must be a girl thing. The choice of the living room curtains is so important to me. It’s been a long time since I had a living room with more than one window in it. I want to bring character and comfort, a welcoming appearance and luxury to the space. The impatience he expressed and the pressure he applied to me caused me to not decide at all. We left empty handed.

I still don’t know what color I want or which style will prevail, but I will be out again later I’m sure because Master wants it done with soon so we can take the sheets down that are currently covering the windows.

Hopefully I can make up my mind for what will answer all of these questions soon.


Exposing who we are as Dominant and submissive around people who aren’t party to what we do is dangerous and inappropriate. They have not consented to be party to a scene by anyone. But when it comes to D/s it is who we are and so it can be displayed without harm for those witnessing it if we keep it discreet. There are ways to come across as ‘normal’ but be far from it.

The gentlemanly nature and chivalry is dying, but can be alive and whole in D/s relationships. All of these once normal manners can be used within a d/s exchange. Things like holding doors, pulling out chairs to sit, ordering food for the other person and so on are all wonderful examples that can become D/s exchanges for either role.

The beauty of most ways we interact in public is that they are subtle enough to not cause notice by people unaware of who we are. No one may notice that I take care of paying the bill, converse with the service personnel or wait to get the okay before ordering soft drinks.

Since what we do is so subtle in public and not ‘obviously’ socially abnormal I don’t see it as an issue. We do play a game with ourselves and the servers. If they notice that I’m doing all the talking and direct the questions about Master’s food and preferences to me immediately (Does he want cheese on that? How would he like his steak prepared?) they get an extra tip. If they continue to ask him questions even if I’m answering them, they don’t.

For D/s munches and the like, at first I had many people believing that I was the Dominant. While the way we do restaurant service is different it isn’t unique.

I do find it rude to include others in our kink, and blatant acts of D/s in public are generally uncouth. There is an appropriate time and place for everything.


Delano of and guest teaches to show a more complex variant on the classic hog-tie.

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