Here is my list of newly discovered blogs within the BDSM blogosphere! I have found them very interesting and enjoyable to read. I hope you will enjoy them and feel free to leave a comment or two. You just may find a new favorite blog!
Her submissive puppy’s ponderings
Lair of the Dragon Mage
Every week there will be a BDSM question posed to readers here at BDSM is Love. Feel free to answer it as candidly as you’d like. If you’d like to participate in the discussion please leave a comment on this post, send me an email or post the response on your own blog!
If you could pick any celebrity to be your play partner for the day, who would they be and why? What do you see yourself getting into with them?
If you use Twitter to microblog, feel free to add me. I just joined up! You can also see my most recent tweets on the sidebar 
You have to love it when someone has the guts to say something that really hits home for you. I’ve seen a lot of blogs out there with the submissive is pretty much whining that the Dom isn’t Dom enough and that they don’t give theme enough direction. Or the ones who say that they don’t punish them the way they think they should be punished, don’t play with them the way they want and don’t give them enough of what they want.
The Warren does a really good job at saying everything I would love to have the guts to say. It’s a two way street. You have to act submissive in order for the other to be more Dominant. It’s an exchange for a reason.
I know I used to think this way and I could probably go through this blog and find posts that sound just like what melly describes. I know I had issues with submitting and thought that he’d have to do more for me to do more. I don’t know when there was the moment of truth and I realized that I have to submit in order for this to work. I can’t be made to submit, it has to come from inside me.
I’ve talked about topping from the bottom before but mostly within a play session. Submissives can be forceful and controlling in everday experience. This can stem from perceptions that the relationship isn’t moving in the direction desired or things in life have gotten in the way of D/s exchanges.
I know from my experience, at first I thought that it was supposed to be closer to the fantasy I’d developed for it. The forceful, powerful dominant and the docile, willing, almost timid submissive. I saw submission almost forced at first. I’m not sure why I preceived it this way.
I can see clearly now that I have to have the desire to submit for the exchange to work, and I really do love to submit. I feel so good to know that he is getting the service he would like and I, in return, get the love and control I need. It’s taken a good long time to get to this point.
So, for the blogs that melly is describing, maybe they just haven’t hit that point yet? Perhaps, like myself they need that epiphany moment where things all fall into place. Or yet, they could have no clue what submission is supposed to be like and are trying to force it upon thier partners. I’d feel sorry for the partners.
A relationship is work, but it’s happy work. You work hard at what you want, not fight against what isn’t working. It’s that balance and maintaining that balance that makes things all flow correctly.
Does Master punish me the way I want? Of course not, but then that’s not my choice. I submit to his will, and if he choses to punish poor behavior than I must submit to that as well. I give him my service so that he can offer me the control I desire. See how that works?
–luna
“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands, but in seeing with new eyes.” -Marcel Proust
I’m at the point in my submission where the new experiences are few and far between and what I need to do now is see what I have in all of its facets and points of interest. I have a wonderful life that I’ve been living but I haven’t really reflected on it and seen it for what it’s really worth. I get told on countless occasions that I am so lucky to be living 24/7 and that only a fortunate few can really say that they are.
I’m not going to argue the point that you can live 24/7 or not, on whether you have to live with each other or not. These are all windows into someone else’s world. I can see why people say we are 24/7 and I tend to agree. Yes we live together, we have no children (except furbabies) and we can pretty much be ourselves all the time. We never lived as a vanilla couple, so we don’t slip into vanilla-space really. D/s is who we are. I like that.
24/7 isn’t all about frequent play and walking around naked or in collar and cuffs all the time. It’s about feeling true to your role all the time. I don’t ever ask for a break to ‘just be me’ because I AM submissive, that is who I am. I am happy with how my life is structured (and not structured). I like the teasing and pats as I walk by. Our play consists mostly of that sort of interaction. We don’t need to set up play times as often anymore.
Granted we do get the itch and love to scratch it, it’s just not what drives our relationship. Our commitment and love drive us nearer to each other. It’s just that simple.
–luna
Meditation Monday is for me to be able to see my relationship through your eyes. I do hope to get questions or thoughts so that I can continue to journey. Please feel free to comment here with questions, or if you want to be more private, use my contact page up at the top and email me. I’d love to know your thoughts and hear your questions.
Since I no longer have a blogging requirement I have wanted to keep telling my story, my journey, my explorations with myself. I’ve come up with something I hope to make a regular thing, like my Thursday Questions. (Maybe not every week, but still frequent depending on how helpful my readers are!)
What I’d like this to be are questions that you, my readers, have for me. They can be personal or more general in nature. I’d love to know what you are curious about.
If I don’t get questions I’m sure I can come up with things to think about but I’d really like to scratch your inquiring minds. I’d like to delve into my submission and I want your help
If you have questions, feel free to ask me in comments or send them to my email using the contact form.
–luna
PS: Any graphic artists want to make a 100×100 avatar with the words Meditation Monday on it for me? Something pensive would be kewl.
From FetLife Blog Prompts Group: Do you see the latest trend towards fetish wear and fetish jokes in the media as a fad? Is it a sign that society is accepting kink? Does it have cons as well as pros?
What’s your thoughts?
There is a lot of fetish appearing in media and it has a positive and negative effect on the lifestyle as a whole.
The Goth look with collars and leather and all black has begun to desensitize people. They aren’t shocked when they see collars and other items while walking around the mall. We are able to walk almost invisible in a lot of places because of this. Well, at least a lot of larger malls anyway. I live in a small town, it’s just not possible here yet. I don’t know a lot about Gothic lifestyle, but many of them are into BDSM activities also, but it’s not always the case. From what I can pick up they appear to work against society and not look for acceptance, the anti-norm.
The negative aspect of having more news items involving fetish aspects make what it is that we do seem really demented, dangerous and abnormal. It can turn open minded people against the whole lifestyle. I’ve seen enough bad media and ‘accidents’ reported that would make even the newest newbie a bit of caution. I have a feeling that some of what we see is because people are trying it out without all the information, maybe they saw it on TV or something. This is a double edged sword. It’s great to know that people are becoming open enough to explore kinky things in their bedroom and perhaps could be loving it. it’s not good that they are doing this without all the safety information on hand, they don’t know that there are other resources available perhaps and then something tragic happens.
The effect of BDSM as a fad might be along the same line as the 60′s when it was cool for free love, rock, drugs and peace. People think it’s cool for awhile, but it will fad and only those that still hold true to the desires they have will stay in the lifestyle in any level.
Spanking, bondage and other kinky adventures might be a fad in some areas, where it would be cool to fit in with your friends and so you try what you have heard others talked about. I really don’t think that this sort of idea turns into something serious very often. However it is possible that just trying something your friends talked about may turn you on to something that you never knew you had a desire to do.
The infestation of bad information online has me worried about the people who might want to take up a kinky activity. There is no way to police the internet but as long as we make sure to spread the good websites out there and make sure that we can keep the real information available it might help prevent an accident. I work hard on my websites to make sure that there is safety information or varied opinions on things so that hopefully people can form their own opinions.
–luna
Every week there will be a BDSM question posed to readers here at BDSM is Love. Feel free to answer it as candidly as you’d like. If you’d like to participate in the discussion please leave a comment on this post, send me an email or post the response on your own blog!
What was your first D/s experience like?
Well, after 3 weeks of nausea with the Prozac and a recommendation from the Dr to try taking it at night I have switched medicines. The nights have been horrible and I just can’t stay asleep, it’s not restful sleep and it’s worrying Master to boot. I’m going to start Celexa on Friday morning. We’ll see how this one affects me. I can’t wait for some decent sleep. I feel like a zombie by about 7pm.
I’m still waiting to hear any final decision on what’s going on with me, if anything. I go back to the Dr on August 5th. He will go through my test I took and then we can figure out what the next step is an see my progress with exercise and weight loss.
I weighed in on Sunday at 326.8. That’s 3 lbs less than last week. I can hope that it continues to drop so that I can make my goals for next Shibaricon. I feel great that the weight drop came during the week of my PMS/period. That means that next week could be just as good. I have to exercise today and 3 more times after that to make it to my goal this week. I can do this, I just hope my tiredness isn’t going to be detrimental.
Master and I have a munch this weekend to go to that should be great and then I get the job of trying to find someplace else for us to meet since the place we are going this month we can’t go back to. It’s so hard to find semi private restaurants to go to. Master and I are going to another place to eat and check it out, I’ve known this place accepts passion parties and lots of bachelor parties so they might be party to adult gatherings. I’m really running out of places to get the munch together. *sigh*
–luna
In kaya’s post about Stability in Dominants she brings up that she feels the Dominant in the relationship should be more stable than the submissive. The stability she lists are emotional, financial, career choice and mental. She also wanted to know if our standards for partners, especially Dominants, can be too high.
I’d like to say first that since each person’s preferences determines what our standards are then it is impossible for our standards to be too high. Now another person could consider someone’s standards too high and that’s just normal. But unless you yourself think you are looking for that needle in the haystack that doesn’t exist then your standards are perfect for you.
As far as ‘shopping’ for a Dominant I do have to agree that it works better for the Dom if they are more put together and more stable. I am going to be more interested if you have a steady job, are able to take care of yourself (pay your bills, manage your money and your time), have hobbies and recreation that doesn’t involve lots of booze (this is a personal choice).
When I found my Master he was still very young and didn’t have everything settled in life. Neither did I. But I saw something in him that I hadn’t seen in previous men. He had plans with solid goals and a determination that my ex never had. I could see success in him. He wanted to take care of me. Even before he was here he sent me money to help care for me. It was not required of him, but he still did it.
For mental stability I have to admit that I am not mentally stable all the time. I struggle with nervousness, anxiety, depression and worry. He is my rock, he keeps me whole when the world is ripping me apart. Only he keeps me from falling into the pit of despair.
I have seen different styles of dominants and the ones that can’t seem to obtain the submissive they so desire are ones that have issues caring for themselves. Either they struggle to keep a home or job, they don’t carry any hobbies or recreation. Yet they lament that they do not have what they seek.
Unfortunately, even the honest worthy men in this group get tossed into the categories of wannabe or HNG long before the qualities they exhibit become obvious. This instability that people see first can could the judgment of that person.
The submissives I see that carry a lot of baggage are far more plentiful and yet they are not lacking in dominants to play with and care for them. I do not know if this is the way all over the place, I can only speak for the community that I see.
For me, my instability doesn’t seem like a huge hindrance to the relationship. It creates a constant need for strength and dominance out of my Master and I know it is taxing. I am capable of taking care of myself most of the time. Those times that I falter I like knowing that he is there to hold me up and take care of me.
In a recent thread on a forum I came across the word Celebrity Service as a form of service that you can classify as treating your owner as a celebrity in your service to them. Things such as opening doors, caufferring, ordering their food and handling service personnel all fall under this umbrella. Now I’ve never heard of it before but the name intrigued me. A lot of what I do could be considered this form of service.
It is also true that the service I provide could be classed in other ways as well, but I sure like this name My Master, the celebrity prefers to not have to think about what is going on, he wants it taken care of. I’m there to make sure that the house is running smoothly, bills are paid, food is purchased and prepared to his liking. I tend to deal the most with service persons either in retail, food service or repair.
Maybe that’s what personal assistants do? Heck, I even get his coffee for him (when I remember it).
Other things come to mind that I could do as part of my service that could relate to celebrity style service. These could include bathing him, laying out his clothing, planning his itinerary, hostess for gatherings, making his appointments and so forth.
My personal perception of calling it celebrity style service is more of a way to make it feel light and easy, fun and breezy. I think so many submissives tend to think of service as heavy and laborous or full of ritual and need for structure. Yes I love ritual, but I also know that I need to keep what I do enjoyable for me and for Master.
Being one step ahead of Master isn’t easy for me. I’ve always been better at the wait until beckoned form of service. With being asked to treat him as a celebrity it has given me more reason to focus on his wants and needs without the feeling that I have to do it or that I’ve been lazy when he asks for something I should have seen he needed. Besides, a celebrity changes their mind at the drop of a hat, right? *cheeky grin*
What other things can you think of that could be considered a part of celebrity style service?
–luna
Every week there will be a BDSM question posed to readers here at BDSM is Love. Feel free to answer it as candidly as you’d like. If you’d like to participate in the discussion please leave a comment on this post, send me an email or post the response on your own blog!
Did you have a ceremony for your collaring? What was it like?
If you are planning to be collared or even just dream of it, what would it be like?
I went to the Dr yesterday to have my lab work reviewed. I went in thinking two things. Either everything is okay and I’m just having issues losing weight, or that something is wrong and we can fix it.
The results went something like this:
Blood sugar levels: normal, yay I’m not pre-diabetic!
Cholesterol: great! I was very happy to see this
Testosterone: high but within range
Thyroid: riding the fence at low, will test again next month
Metabolism: normal
All other markers: normal
Blood pressure: moderately high
Cortisol: Very high, I have another blood test scheduled for Saturday morning after an overnight steroid to suppress cortisol. If it comes back with cortisol still present then we have to follow that route as an issue.
Key words used during the analysis were PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) and Cushings Disease. I had to do some reading about what each of these were so that I could understand why he was going along these routes.
Crossed out — don’t have this symptom
Italizised — don’t think or don’t know I have this symptom
Bold — symptom is present and/or Dr diganosed
PCOS could be likely because I have a few of the markers, but 2 of the main markers I do not have.
I have normal periods and I’ve not had acne or oily skin troubles since puberty. The Dr did make note that I started my period when I was 17, which is later than normal but since I’ve had normal periods PCOS would require more testing if the Cortisol test comes out fine. (Which is a vaginal ultrasound, ick) The treatment for this is kinda iffy for me since they say that in most cases, women with PCOS are infertile and that the treatment is to put them on meds to make them fertile. I never want children so I wouldn’t want a treatment to make it more likely for accidental pregnancy. Heck that’s why I use the IUD; it has a high risk of infertility with extended use. Other than that, the symptoms can be treated with careful diet and weight loss as well as progesterone.
Cushings Disease could be likely because I hit practically all of the markers for it and if the cortisol test comes back high after this weekend then he’s going that route and I have to see an endocrinologist.
This diagnosis would scare me quite a bit because the treatment is radiation and/or surgery to the pituitary or adrenal glands and then hormone replacement therapy for the rest of my life.
I was quite affected by the possible diagnoses that I went into blah state and went to bed early. I know I worried Master as he came to comfort me for awhile as I lay there.
I go back to the Dr in 3 weeks. Hopefully we can pinpoint what’s going on, if anything.
–luna
I go to the Dr on a few hours to find out the results of all the tests I had taken before I start a Dr led diet and weight loss program. I’m really nervous to find out the results. Part of me hopes for nothing wrong and then the other part wants a reason why I have such a hard time doing it.
My depressions meds (Prozac) are making me short tempered, forgetful and I have nausea if I don’t eat at regular intervals. I read that most of these symptoms fade within a few weeks. I’ve also noted that nowhere in the information about Prozac that I’ve found does it say I could gain or lose weight which I’ve heard from others. It’s not in the side effects list on the offical website of in medical facts online.
I do know that I have gained quite a bit of weight since I started feeling severely depressed 6 months or so ago. In fact the ticker on the right is incorrect even now, just 2 weeks ago I was 325. I weighed on Sunday at 331. Again something to bring to my Dr.
I hurt my back on Friday so I’m taking it easy and since I’ll already be there I’m going to have him look at it. I’m sure it’s just a muscle strain but it’s better to have it checked than left to ache without treatment.
I have several drafts saved for posts I want to write but haven’t gotten around to. Perhaps I can find the drive to get them going?
I’ll give everyone an update once I know what results from the Dr visit.
–luna
I am collared… does that mean I am also owned? Are the words synonymous or do they have different meanings?
I’ve read several differnet viewpoints on this subject. The arguments appear to be clear and understood.
Those that argue yes, when you are collared you are also owned cement their belief that when you become collared you become property of another person. This means you become owned and owner. I can see that being the case in several relationship dynamics but not all. A Master/slave relationship for example, or a pet dynamic could be owner and owned. Yes even some other D/s relationships it is considered this way.
Those that argue no have an interesting argument also. They say that in order to be owned you have to be a slave. No other dynamic can be considered true. These people also say that anyone can be collared, but you have to be serious and ‘true’ to be owned.
I really do have issues with people trying to place rules and structure to things defined by the lifestyle. This includes being collared and being owned. I like that people can have so many varying opinions about how their dynamis is better, different, unique than others. It makes us who we are.
I have used both terms together. Sometimes I refer to my Master as my owner. He is comfortable with either designation. I really don’t see a whole lot of difference for me. I’m proud to be considered either.
It makes no difference to me if you define yourself as owned or collared or both.
Every week there will be a BDSM question posed to readers here at BDSM is Love. Feel free to answer it as candidly as you’d like. If you’d like to participate in the discussion please leave a comment on this post, send me an email or post the response on your own blog!
Have you ever delt with depression in your dynamic either you or your partner? How did you keep the dark void from separating you and bringing you down?
Master and I are quite affectionate towards one another. There isn’t a day that goes by that doesn’t involve romantic and sweet caresses, hugs and touches. This doesn’t stop when we are out and about. He or I will rest our hand on the other’s thigh while traveling, we’ll hold hands in stores and are generally touchy feely. I wasn’t always so open to affection and I do still stop and look around at everyone to make sure that I’m being watched.
In the beginning of our relationship and occasionally even now, I’ll freeze when he touches me in public or I will shy away from him. It’s not a good thing and he does get annoyed with it. I’m getting used to it and do enjoy my times when I feel freer to express my love for him in public.
Master has very sensitive skin to touch. I can gently caress his neck and he gets goosebumps all over his flesh. I love to do that. I love that he shivers and smiles at me because I make him feel so good when I do that. I like to rub his thumb while holding hands, as if that extra caress is needed or desired. I find it so romantic when he holds his elbow out to me to take his arm as if I’m going down the red carpet to meet the queen or something.
Looking around the towns we frequent I have noticed that PDA is very infrequent and usually reserved for the young and very old. Are people too busy for affection? Do they just not love their partners enough to give them that little nudge of attention? It’s hard to figure out.
Maybe it’s the gadets. I see so many with bluetooth headsets in their ears, talking to the empty space in front of them, completely ignoring the partner that may be with them. Then both people are on phones with different people. Just going through the motions without even acknowledging the other person at all. I find it all very sad.
The young ones tend to like to test the boundaries of societal acceptance for Public Displays. Tucked in the benches and down empty aisles you can catch them groping and sucking on the other’s tongue quite oblivious to the people passing them (or perhaps hoping they notice). It’s just a bit too much for me.
I like the subtle motions. Master likes the little bit of surprise and he does it so well. He will catch my breast as he leans in for a kiss, or swat my ass as I walk in front of him. I could just wrap my arms around him and be lost in the moment. He has that magic, that touch.
BDSM isn’t all about the pain, sometimes it’s about the love. We love each other very much and are not afraid to let it show.
This holiday weekend was pretty good overall. Friday and Saturday were great. I could have traded Sunday in for something better.
First Master and I got to really go at each other sexually and I was hungry for it all. I did a striptease and blow job for him in the living room which he said was really hot. I may have to try that again because I had fun with it too. I wore a sexy red nightie that I know drives him wild on its own and then picked some good dancing music that I knew I could get lost in if I tried. I’ve been reading about how to give a good striptease in preparation so I pulled out my straight backed chair and used that as a prop for the dance. I tied his hands behind his back so that he wasn’t tempted to touch me. I wanted this to be all about me teasing him.
It was great. I ignored the nagging feeling in my mind about my size and how it might look as I gyrated as if I were only 120 lbs and not 300. He was eating it up and that’s all that mattered. I tried to keep eye contact throughout the dance because I knew that would be so hot! I danced for 3 songs before I got down on my pillow and started teasing and sucking him. It didn’t take long before he was coming for me.
Saturday we were going to take some pictures for the potential porn site, but that fell through. Instead he wanted to get me into object space and fuck my face. In any other headspace that is really hard for me as I tend to be too attached emotionally and I get very scared and cry easily.
Master tied me into a crotch rope with a butt plug and dildo inside of me and had me get on all fours and then on my side. My name was whore throughout the exchange and I think that really helped me get to that space where it didn’t matter what he did to me. I detached from my emotions and he used me. It was all so great.
Afterward he took care of me, bringing me back to normal space and holding me for the longest time telling me how good I was and that I’m such a good girl. I needed that, the connection to restore my emotional space. It was a really good scene.
And then Sunday…
I woke up with hopes to get a lot accomplished but it became apparent that after the first half hour I wasn’t going to do anything. I just felt blah, like nothing would entertain me, nothing would get done and I was beyond bored. Master was worried and kept checking in on me as I just stood in the middle of the living room, or sat on the couch watching tv. I wish there was a magic pill for those times. I don’t know if it was sub drop or if it was related to my new anti-depressants working on my synaptic nerve endings in my brain.
I’ve been on anti-depressants for just over a week and while the full affect won’t be felt for 3 weeks yet, Master says that he’s noticed a difference and it isn’t good. I’m touchier with the small stuff, I snap at him faster and I’m all over anxious. The pharmacist warned it would get worse before it gets better. I don’t even have a good mental filter right now like I usually do. I just say things without thinking about it first.
Like this week, I had a red mark in my punishment book. I got really rude and disrespectful to Master and for that I got 5 cane strokes last night. Hopefully I can control my emotions a bit better this week.
I am again trying to log my food and exercise in a journal. We’ll see how it goes. I go back to the Dr. for the results of all the tests I did next Tuesday. I’m to exercise 5 days a week and it’s so hard. I only did 3 days last week. I’ve got to do better this week.
I’d like to think that I’m obedient. Master says I’m a good girl more often than I’ve been disciplined for doing wrong. That tells me I’m doing something right. Right?
Well lately Master has commented on my selective obedience. Things he says, if not said ‘just right’ go into my brain as a suggestion or comment and not an order or command. So I don’t do it, I just take it as something that would be nice, but not required.
Take an exchange we had a couple nights ago.
“Max(kitty), stop licking me that’s just weird.”
“Maybe Max is telling you that you stink and need a bath.”
“So are you saying I stink?”
“Now you know I’m not the type of person to say things like that. But yes, you do.”
“Well thanks, but you stink too sometimes. It’s bedtime. I was thinking of just going to sleep and bathing tomorrow.”
“No, I think you should bathe now so that when I come to bed you don’t stink.”
“I’d rather just go to sleep Master.”
Right there, did you get it? If you took the order out of context you could see clearly that he was telling me to go take a bath, but I just shrugged it off as a suggestion or preference for what he’d want of me. Needless to say we began talking about how I don’t listen to all of his commands and orders. I told him that maybe it was because they didn’t sound like orders.
I suggested a trigger to help me learn where commands are located in his speech. I feel that after a while of doing that, I should begin to subconciously know then they happen and do it without the trigger. The agreed upon trigger is ‘That’s an Order’. Pretty simple right?
We’ll see. It takes some thought on his side too to check and see if I’m obeying of if he needs to use the trigger phrase.
Every week there will be a BDSM question posed to readers here at BDSM is Love. Feel free to answer it as candidly as you’d like. If you’d like to participate in the discussion please leave a comment on this post, send me an email or post the response on your own blog!
Do you have to exercise patience in the things you do? Are you good with patience?