You have to love it when someone has the guts to say something that really hits home for you. I’ve seen a lot of blogs out there with the submissive is pretty much whining that the Dom isn’t Dom enough and that they don’t give theme enough direction. Or the ones who say that they don’t punish them the way they think they should be punished, don’t play with them the way they want and don’t give them enough of what they want.
The Warren does a really good job at saying everything I would love to have the guts to say. It’s a two way street. You have to act submissive in order for the other to be more Dominant. It’s an exchange for a reason.
I know I used to think this way and I could probably go through this blog and find posts that sound just like what melly describes. I know I had issues with submitting and thought that he’d have to do more for me to do more. I don’t know when there was the moment of truth and I realized that I have to submit in order for this to work. I can’t be made to submit, it has to come from inside me.
I’ve talked about topping from the bottom before but mostly within a play session. Submissives can be forceful and controlling in everday experience. This can stem from perceptions that the relationship isn’t moving in the direction desired or things in life have gotten in the way of D/s exchanges.
I know from my experience, at first I thought that it was supposed to be closer to the fantasy I’d developed for it. The forceful, powerful dominant and the docile, willing, almost timid submissive. I saw submission almost forced at first. I’m not sure why I preceived it this way.
I can see clearly now that I have to have the desire to submit for the exchange to work, and I really do love to submit. I feel so good to know that he is getting the service he would like and I, in return, get the love and control I need. It’s taken a good long time to get to this point.
So, for the blogs that melly is describing, maybe they just haven’t hit that point yet? Perhaps, like myself they need that epiphany moment where things all fall into place. Or yet, they could have no clue what submission is supposed to be like and are trying to force it upon thier partners. I’d feel sorry for the partners.
A relationship is work, but it’s happy work. You work hard at what you want, not fight against what isn’t working. It’s that balance and maintaining that balance that makes things all flow correctly.
Does Master punish me the way I want? Of course not, but then that’s not my choice. I submit to his will, and if he choses to punish poor behavior than I must submit to that as well. I give him my service so that he can offer me the control I desire. See how that works?