June 2008

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In a previous post I talked about the idea of adding another person to this relationship. Master and I still have it up in the air as to whether we would do well in a relationship like that. Nothing more has been discussed because we don’t have any prospective people to consider.

Master and I have been to play parties before and he has tied other people up but he has never ‘played’ with others. It’s really no wish of mine to keep him from playing with others, I do know that he has a jealous streak and that I’m all his (and that’s fine). So we’ve discussed whether I would be okay with him playing with other people and what that would entail. He has been asked by a good friend of ours if he would be willing to ‘scratch and itch’ on occasion since her Dominant is far away and she has permission to play with those she trusts.

Now, out of privacy, that’s all the information you’ll get on her but as to what Master has asked me I feel very special. He’s asked me if it’s okay, what things would be off limits or make me uncomfortable and he’s concerned about my feelings with this. I love that he’s so open and asking me all these questions. I think before now he hasn’t even thought about playing with other people at all.

I have.

I have several reasons why I have thought about loaning Master out to others. We are both new to the physical aspects of BDSM, but since Master is such a fast and intense learner he has picked up a lot of fun activities. He’s attentive and caring, very mindful and quick witted. If he were able to play with others and learn to pick up their physical cues, how their bodies respond he’s likely see more of what he does around me. He mentioned to me that he thinks he might be able to be less protective of me during play and allow things to push further since he’d be able to separate a bit and see things as a Top instead of always my loving Master (ever watchful for my slightest flinch).

I’d love it if he could let go more. With more experience he’d be able to stop concentrating on technique and more on how he feels and is reacting as well as how the bottom is reacting to things. This can also open up the possibility of learning advanced techniques! (grins)

Lastly, I think that his playing with others would allow him to explore activities that I may not have an interest in, or can’t play as intensely at. It would be more fulfilling for him to experience the things he aches to try but knows I can’t give him. It would make our relationship that much more electric.

I do have my boundaries set for him though. No intercourse. He needs to use barriers for any play that would involve fluids and no kissing. I’m okay with sexual touching of just about every other sort really as I’m an oddball and don’t really consider oral sex as actual sex, but more a foreplay act. Always have and frustratingly for him, always will.

Allowing him to play with others can certainly broaden our horizons and may even get us playing more often! I’m all for play and experience and sharing the wonderful man I have, my love, my Master with the local submissive community :P

Males and females can line up for interviews starting here *LOL*


Here is my list of newly discovered blogs within the BDSM blogosphere! I have found them very interesting and enjoyable to read. I hope you will enjoy them and feel free to leave a comment or two. You just may find a new favorite blog!

slave journal of the kiva

Laani’s Blog

Life of a kajira

The Masochist Coquette

Master Coyote’s Den


the story of m

About a slave

slut on display

A Little Cinful

Amateur Porn?

I’ve had this idea bouncing around in my head for almost a year. Several times I’ve talked myself out of it, but it keeps coming back.

Before I met Master I had a yahoo group where people could see pictures of me naked doing all sorts of naughty things. I loved it. It made me feel beautiful and I got off on hearing that men were getting off on me ;)

Recently I wanted to try again, really badly. I think I’m going for it. It would be completely amateur in content and would feature me, maybe Master and well, my toys.

Am I crazy? Would people really want to see me in all my fleshy glory doing perverse things? Would it sully my name to be doing this? What are your thoughts? What would my long time readers of this blog think to know that the woman they have gotten to know now has pics all over the net?


Every week there will be a BDSM question posed to readers here at BDSM is Love. Feel free to answer it as candidly as you’d like. If you’d like to participate in the discussion please leave a comment on this post, send me an email or post the response on your own blog!

What do you think of FetLife? What are some positive and negative things that have come out of its popularity? If you aren’t a member, what social networking sites do you participate in?

I went to the Dr yesterday. I think I have found the Dr that will help me lose weight and is working to make sure that no health issues are hindering it. I came prepared with a list of things I wanted him to check into. He sat and listened to me and asked questions for almost a half hour. We agreed that I need to up my exercise to at least 5 times a week, working up to an hour each time. Hopefully I can do 5 times a week at 30 minutes each before I see him again in 3 weeks.

Tomorrow morning I go for a lot of labwork. He is doing a full diabetes screening, a metabolic screening, testosterone testing and several other tests on hormone levels and whatnot. I’m also to see a dietician once before I go back to see the Dr so starting today I began my food log again so that I have something to bring with me when I go. All in all I felt like he really listened to me and didn’t make me feel like it was useless.

I explained that my depression really doesn’t have a starting point, it gets worse around my period and that my sex drive is almost non-existant. He prescribed some antidepressant and we will see if that lifts my mood any.

He also seemed to think I might develop or are a good candidate for sleep apnea and I came home to ask Master if I had ever stopped breathing momentarily while sleeping since my snoring has just recently developed. Nope, I don’t stop breathing as far as he knows.

I only have the one month so that he evaluate any bad side effects by then (possible weight gain, as if I need it). He said that if the tests show something serious he will contact me by phone, but if I don’t hear from him to assume that things will be evaluated when I come back and we can talk about everything that resulted from the tests.

I weighed in there at 331 lbs. He said to not worry about that scale since he knows that it’s off as much as 5% on days and to continue to use the scale I have at home since I can trust it to be more accurate each time I stand on it. I’ll weigh in on Sunday. I didn’t last week because it was my period.

Tonight I start working out everyday and I asked Master if he’d be willing to work out with me at least half of the time. He said he would so I’m excited about that. Now I’m just in a holding pattern as far as the tests and things. I will definitely be posting about the results.

Here’s to progress.


I went from basic blahs on Friday to full blown depression this weekend. I have battled depression several times in the past and am taking St. John’s Wart to try and balance my moods a bit better. This episode has hit me hard.

It’s all related to my body image I think. I am feeling really fat lately and horrible that the weight I lost 2 years ago has come back. I feel like a hopeless case and will have to live with being obese my entire life. I’d really love to be just overweight some day.

I’ve not given up on exercise and eating right, and for the most part I’ve kept up on it. Master has agreed to exercise with me if it will help and last night it felt good that he was sweating and breathing heavy along with me.

My depression has hurt our relationship on many levels too. I’m anti-submissive right now. I snap and curse and I’ve been saying some very hurtful things lately. I’m napping at all hours of the day and not eating as much as I used to or at the same times as Master. It’s really bothering him. He’s constantly asking if there is anything he can do to help. Really there isn’t.

I go to the dr. today to talk about by weight and to eliminate medical reasons why it’s so hard for me to lose weight. I’m also going to have my blood pressure checked. The last time I was this weight I was in hypertension range and on low dose meds so I might need them again. I’m also asking about the excessive facial hair I have had to deal with for about 5 years. It’s just gross to me to have to shave my face more often than Master. I may also have my blood sugars checked, as type 2 diabetes runs in the family. I’ll talk about my depression and see if he thinks I should medicate that as well.

I know I’m down and I know I need to get better. Depression isn’t an easy road and therapy has never worked for me. I just need to feel the love around me for awhile and try to have as little stress as possible.

Master will take care of me. He helps me feel safe and secure and fills me with happiness. He wil keep me afloat and I will get through this.

I’m just a long way from shore right now.


Not much of a post here, please don’t expect a lot from me today. Master is acting like he wants to go do something but we can’t think of anything to do. The AC is working extra hard. I hope the next apartment we live in the AC isn’t in the west window baking in the sun.

I don’t have a blog requirement anymore, so I’m not sure how frequently I’m going update here. I feel obligated to continue but I have to come up with things to talk about. Other than my daily grind, what would you like to see here?


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