Life is Worth Living

I have a headache, which means that this post will either be rambling or so full of thought that you wouldn’t believe I had a headache. Either way I’m sure it will be enjoyable. Come along for the ride.

I’ve been doing a lot of reevaluating my life lately. How I wonder if I’m working the right job, or caring for myself enough (which I’m not) or caring for Master enough… on and on until it’s enough to just explode! I guess what it all comes down to is if I’m happy. I am. I’m very happy. I’m working with new rules and Master and I have had some of the best sex recently. We have perpetual plans for play since we aren’t very spontaneous when it comes down to it. We aren’t strapped for cash, we have a small savings for Shibaricon in May and all in all things run smoothly.

I’m not great at making and keeping friends. They seem to run through my fingers. It’s not just that we aren’t compatible, it’s because neither party wants to manage the upkeep. I wonder if my best friend and I are just friends because we know so much about each other and know that she calls me because she gets free long distance, it’s not about that I don’t want to call her. We just have this unspoken agreement. If I get free long distance I would be calling her everyday. Which she does in short durations anyhow. We’re going on 2o years as best friends. Been through a whole lot together and I don’t see us separating even if she lives 1400 miles away right now getting her PhD in Sociology. She’s such an intelligent woman. I am jealous of her. I know I wouldn’t have the stuff to make it that far.

Can Master and I make it? Most certainly I can see us together for a very long time, but unlike past relationships I don’t tend to ponder what it would be like in 5 years, 10 years, further. It’s just not necessary. Anyhow things are constantly shifting and changing, I have no idea what I’ll be like in that long, let alone our relationship. I’ve gone so far in my submission that I can’t look back at what was either. On occasion my best friend will mention how much I’ve changed. Usually it’s things like, “You know, 5 years ago it would have been hard for me to call and not have the conversation always be about you. Now it’s like I always have you ear even if I’m the one that needs to vent. I always feel better after talking with you.” It’s a good feeling to know I’m not as needy, self absorbed and gossipy. It gets rid of the drama.

Speaking of drama, there is some heavy shaking going on in a local munch group that while everyone involved is my friend it makes me wonder what sort of a fallout will affect our new blossoming group. I want to stay friends with everyone involved and I’m sure I can to some extent, but it also means learning when I can talk about someone and when I can’t. It’s like walking on eggshells. Not very fair; but that’s drama.

On to blog drama, I did upgrade my WordPress to 2.5 successfully. I was playing with it when Master let me log in as root to the database server. This is where I deleted my blog. Completely. Poof. In one second I had no blog. Thankfully I remembered I had a backup from 3 months ago. But I did loose a lot of posts that were prewritten to be posted well into this year in fact. I lost all of my comments and a few other things. It’s sad, but I will have to just move on. It means a little bit more work to recover my thought process on the path this blog is taking and here’s some of the things I’d like to continue blogging about on here:

• My constant training and it’s struggles. This is the most important part of this journal and I hope that I can continue to express how living as a submissive full time is just plain hard.
• Sex and play with Master. I’m really feeling the need to write more descriptively the play and sex that Master and I have. It’s wonderful experiences that while Master has certain things he’d like kept secret I know he’d love to read my juicy thoughts on this blog.
• My challenge to lose weight. It’s not going to be in the forefront but it’s who I am. It’s a part of my everyday so it’s a part of this blog.
• Thursday Questions. It’s almost like journal prompts, but not. Heh. I like the participation it brings.

I’m sure there are other things I could include in that list, but this is a good start. I’m happy and for the most part, don’t see any dark cloud forming on the horizon.

–luna

Possibly related posts:

1. Submissive Goals
2. Processing Pain and Being a Masochist
3. Discipline and Punishment
4. Amazing Submission: My Development
5. Guilt