Fire Play Fear and Crying

We had a very stressful talk last night. It involved what happens in scenes with us because almost 50% of them end sooner than one of us would like them to. We have crashed really hard when this happens. The issue has two parts. For the longest time I just attributed it to being new and trying new things. Now I know it’s neither of those.

During last night’s play we were trying out fire wands. Being that I’m very scared of fire I told Master that I was scared, but didn’t express exactly how scary it was. The fire got really hot, but it was still cool to watch and amazed me at how careful he was. Tapping the sensitive flesh was very intense and scary. Through this I commented and directed Master where it hurt and used my hands to rub out alcohol burn sensations. This of course was not right of me. It looked like I didn’t trust him, but that wasn’t the case at all. My heart was pounding, I felt like I would catch fire at any moment (not going to happen with Master around) but I’m sure that was part of the feeling. At one point some alcohol splattered on my inner thigh and lit. For a short moment I panicked and before Master could snuff the flames I jerked, nearly bouncing the wands back into Master’s face and burning him.

That was the end of the scene. I had broken a cardinal rule. I controlled the scene and showed a lack of trust in Master. I did not tell him how scared this made me, I didn’t share that my fear was so great. I ruined what could have been a fantastic experience. We both crashed; he got withdrawn and I got defensive.

During all this we had another discussion. We talked about why other people I had played with prior to Master could take me further than he has been able to. He feels quite angry that he can’t play me like they did. It’s a challenge we need to try to overcome. We talked about the fact that I cry and when he pushes me and when that happens Master stops the play. We’ve never gone past the tears. The reason the others were able to push me further is because the let me cry, they let me get past that stage and move on.

Master has issues with my crying because he feels horrible when I do, like he’s done something wrong and pushed to far. He cares for me so much that my crying, even in scene will turn him to protect me; not to hurt me more. I told him that my crying was a natural progression for the endorphins and the pain. Once I get past the tears I feel more pleasure in the pain, I grow numb and then it’s pleasure.

I don’t know how others interpret pain during a scene and it would be interesting to know who others interpret pain during a play session. It may help Master understand the full range of emotions and sensations. I know I’m a giggler and I know I have to cry to push myself. I know I get quiet when the pain numbs and then I feel only pleasure as I move past it.

And so, last night we played again. He wanted to see me get past the tears, he wanted to know that I can go beyond. We did.He used the clover clamps that always make me cry and he attached them to my pussy lips and to my nipples, and then attached them together and to the bench at the foot of the bed. Every so often he would push the bend a touch further, pulling the ropes. The pain was intense, at times very severe. I did cry. I got past the crying and it was good.

We reached a milestone last night and I can hope that this means we can continue though another level and our relationship can increase, our play become more fulfilling and our love deepen.

–luna

Possibly related posts:

1. Do You Trust Me?
2. All Aboard the Sex Caravan!
3. New Nipple Clamps
4. I cried
5. 3rd Person Speech