Deep Throating and Swallowing

Tonight I am coloring my hair; at this very moment the creme is changing my hair from a dark brown to something auburn-ish. I haven’t colored my hair in over 4 years. I always had the perception that Master would want it natural. The fact that he went and helped me pick it out was telling enough. He was okay with color. In fact he commented that he’d always been okay with color as long as I didn’t cut it. Short hair has always been a limit. He doesn’t like it on women. So, my hair is long.

Lately Master has brought up a bit of training he would like to commence with me. Some of it I’ve mentioned here or in letters to Master. He wishes more from my oral service to him, of which I’m happy to try and learn, but I have fears and limits to cross to get where he wants me. He would like me to learn to deep throat. Part of this would be giving over my breathing to him. I’ve always had suffocation fears, to the point that I can’t sleep with the covers over my head at night. Breath play has never been of interest for me… only a fear. I have to give that over to him to achieve what he wants. This is the first of the training I am undergoing.

Next is swallowing his semen. I’ve had huge issues with it in the past and he’s been gracious enough to not make me do it every single time. There are occasions, yes but he’s okay with my spitting it out. I feel horrible that I gag a lot of the time and the taste makes me queasy. I’m hoping this is something I can learn to control.

I’ve gotten so much better at giving blow jobs and being receptive to them. I remember only months ago I was having issues with that very aspect of my serving him. I’m happier with it, and I can see the pleasure I bring him. That pleases me.

On top of sexual training I am working on my speech training. I hope to have this mostly or completely perfected by ShibariCon. I know this is something that would be an outward sign of his control over me and I want to make him proud of me. I know he’d say he already is, but I know submissives out there understand me

I’ve asked for some help organizing my time outside of work. I have found myself on too many occasions doing absolutely nothing when I get home from work and then the housework is neglected, Master is somewhat neglected and I feel bad that I didn’t get anything accomplished. We are thinking of ways to keep me on task and yet again the idea of rewards and punishments come in. We haven’t had a system like that in a long time. I’m thinking that I’d need it soon, something to keep me in my place and not let me think I am in charge of anything.

We have a black book that may become a punishment book and we are discussing the idea of maintenance spankings or punishment spankings every week. I will have to keep track of every infraction and be punished for it each week. Of course I’m not liking the idea of punishment, as that means the cane, but I do think that it might help me stay on track and keep me balanced. I’m willing to try just about anything.

–luna

Possibly related posts:

1. More than Anal Training
2. Come Swallowing Again
3. You May Come Now
4. Saying No to Sex Acts
5. Cock Worship