People can come by and ask me questions about anything and I’ll try to answer them honestly and as best I can. I don’t consider myself an expert at all but I do have a pretty good grasp of some things. Here’s a question that was asked awhile back and my response.
I’m so glad I found your site. I am a large woman, about 275, who started exploring but has not yet experienced a D/s relationship. I think I’ve resolved much of my conflict about my sexuality, but I’ve some lingering issues to deal with from the last time I was thinner. I lost 90 pounds about ten years ago which I kept off for a few years. I also attracted the attention of a man who up until 3 years ago, was stalking me, I’ve had to kind of go under the radar so he doesn’t know where I am. I’ve always struggled with weight and every time I have gotten thin, I have gained it back, always as a result of my feelings about my sexuality. The more male attention I receive, the more likely I was to engage in sexual behavior that I felt guilty about. I had posted an ad a few months ago looking for someone to use corrective discipline on me as motivation for weightloss. Initially I was thinking about heavy spanking but as I started to read about the D/s lifestyle the more the lifestyle itself seemed a real fit for me, apart from the weightloss issue. I understood intuitively that TPE could result in a profound level of intimacy, which is something that I have always desired but never really had. I’ve had an online relationship with an older Dom for the last few weeks, and I’ve been amazed at the deep level of caring he has shown. We spend 2 – 3 hours a day chatting online and write each other great letters. We are intellectually compatible and he makes me laugh like crazy. He knows about my issues with weight and about the man who has harassed me. I know the day is coming soon, when we’ll become intimate, and bring this to the next level. But frankly the idea of spending a lot of time naked and exposed terrifies me, especially if a lot of crawling is involved, which I think he will ask of me. How do you deal with your discomfort over your body with your partner? Part of me says to just trust him to take the lead on this matter, but I’m not sure. Any thoughts you can share. Thank you.
Congrats on your new budding relationship and I wish you the best of luck with your Dom.
Being overweight is a concern with any relationship especially if you are uncomfortable with yourself. I’ve been dealing with my weight problem ever since I was little. I was so paranoid about what my Master would think of me when I finally took off all my clothing in his presence. The result of it was not only positive, it was very body image boosting. He finds my body beautiful and has no problem telling and showing me so.
Now what I see from your question is that you think you will be spending a lot of time naked and crawling around. I do have to ask if this has been discussed by him and you have, perhaps, discussed the impact on your knees from so much crawling and kneeling. Have you talked about your discomfort with him?
I’m very comfortable with my naked body when I’m around my Master and I’ve gotten better around others. I’m an exhibitionist and I enjoy exposing myself even a little bit.
Has your Dom said that he likes larger women or has he insisted that you will be losing weight because he doesn’t like your body type? I would be concerned if he says he doesn’t like large women; but if the weight loss is to bring you to a more healthy existence then that makes sense.
I do have my own discomforts about my size. I have issues reaching my own pussy and so it’s not a sexy reach when he asks me to touch myself. I don’t like the look of my large stomach hanging down when I’m on my knees and rope tying I just choose not to think about it. The importance here is that my Master loves the way I look and that confidence booster is what keeps me going.
So, how do I deal with my discomfort? I allow my devotion to Master govern my feelings. My reason is to please Master and if he loves the way I look naked then I should not allow it to bother me. It’s taken years.
Trust your Dom. He knows how to lead you through your fears and hang ups about your weight. Your body is beautiful; let him show you just how beautiful it is.