February 2008

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I have to say thank you to everyone who answered the Thursday Question this week about activities that give you pause. It was a tough one.

Activities that we engage in in BDSM are completely personal decisions and I feel that as long as everyone participating is aware of the risks and dangers then the choice is yours on what you’d like to do. I agree with most when they say that your kink is not my kink, and that’s okay. This doesn’t stop me from having moral or ethical issues surrounding some activities.

One of the activities that gives me pause is forced homosexuality. I’ve read about it and even though the submissive in the relationship says that there is no resulting emotional trauma they would not have done this if it was not pressed upon them. What I see wrong with forced homosexuality is that it’s almost like rape. Now I can see if someone has an inclination to engage in sexual relations with the same sex that they can be encouraged and I don’t see a moral issue here. However, to tell a submissive that they are going to learn to like girls (or boys) for the sole pleasure of the dominant I feel has danger written all over it.

Another activity is the idea of being given away. The submissive in this case is usually loaned out for use by other dominants. This to me is too much like prostitution and I just don’t like the idea. It goes against all of my beliefs of a loving relationship and the trust within that. You may trust your dominant, and that dominant may trust their friend, but how can you trust that friend? By proxy?

Last one I can think of on this subject is humiliation in terms of prejudice. This would be calling a black person by cruel derogatory terms within the play session, ridiculing an overweight person with fat jokes or cracking remarks to an Hispanic person for the general consensus that they may not know English well. All of these ideas are not play session fodder. They are abusive and disrespectful and I don’t condone them at all.

Along the same lines I have activities that I read about or know people who engage in that I just dislike the idea of. These don’t tug at my morals but they just give me the heebie jeebies. Things like scat, body alteration (cutting tongues, adding nodules to eyebrows, etc) and rainbow play just really make me feel disgusted.

I’m not saying that those that practice these things are wrong, I’m just saying that they grate on my personal moral structure and aren’t things that I could accept well, if at all. Everyone has to have limits right?

–luna

Newly Discovered Blogs

Here is my list of newly discovered blogs within the BDSM blogosphere! I have found them very interesting and enjoyable to read. I hope you will enjoy them and feel free to leave a comment or two. You just may find a new favorite blog!

Easily Aroused

100% Genuine Artificial Vanilla Extract

Sweat Shop Sissy

Sugarbutch Chronicles

Linda Sue’s Diary

Indiscretion

Descent

Full Contact Monogamy

Lolita Wolf’s Predictions and Predilections

Slaveduties

Doing the Happy Dance

I’m going to ShibariCon, I’m going to ShibariCon! Yes, I know I’ve posted before about going, but this time it’s official; I’ve paid the registration, Master has already been registered for a month, the hotel reservation has been made and all we need to do is save our pennies so that we can afford it all!

I can’t wait to see the schedule of classes for this event and working with Master to pick and choose the ones we will both love. I’m looking forward to being tied up and trying so many new things. I can’t wait to make new friends and check out the vendors. I want to try it all and hopefully I will be able to pace myself and behave.

Speaking of behaving I have a lot of work to do on my training. I’ve gone over my rules recently and I’m not happy with my ability to maintain them so I’m sure that Master has seen me slip too. I think I need a spanking, it might set me right and focus me.

In fact I know it would, I’m going to ask Master for one tonight. (That is if he doesn’t read this post before I get home from work.) I’ve been slipping and instead of holding onto that guilt and punishing myself for it, I’m going to ask for correction. I don’t think I’ve done this before…. it could be a new thing. I’m not sure I want it to be a new thing.

On other fronts I’ve re-commenced posting in my diet blog. I think that I’ve really let that slide and the only punishment is the weight sticking around. I keep talking that I’m going to hunker down and do it, but I’m just not getting it done. If I don’t face the music soon I’m going to be dangerously unhealthy again. Not that I’m not in a danger zone now, but I am not on high blood pressure meds, my back pain has subsided and I haven’t developed diabetes yet, so I think I’m doing good.

I have this heartbeat in my head now… and it’s calling to me… rope… rope… rope…

–luna

Every week there will be a BDSM question posed to readers here at luna’s Journey. Feel free to answer it as candidly as you’d like. If you’d like to participate in the discussion please leave a comment on this post, send me an email or post the response on your own blog!

From FetishMeme:

Are there things within BDSM that give you a – if only transitory – ethical or moral pause?

Perhaps you find other peoples desires repulsive, objectionable?

Or you yourself may be possessed of desires you won’t admit or share.

Are there fetishes that even if they are practiced knowingly and with clear understanding you find morally reprehensible?

People can come by and ask me questions about anything and I’ll try to answer them honestly and as best I can. I don’t consider myself an expert at all but I do have a pretty good grasp of some things. Here’s a question that was asked awhile back and my response.

I’m so glad I found your site. I am a large woman, about 275, who started exploring but has not yet experienced a D/s relationship. I think I’ve resolved much of my conflict about my sexuality, but I’ve some lingering issues to deal with from the last time I was thinner. I lost 90 pounds about ten years ago which I kept off for a few years. I also attracted the attention of a man who up until 3 years ago, was stalking me, I’ve had to kind of go under the radar so he doesn’t know where I am. I’ve always struggled with weight and every time I have gotten thin, I have gained it back, always as a result of my feelings about my sexuality. The more male attention I receive, the more likely I was to engage in sexual behavior that I felt guilty about. I had posted an ad a few months ago looking for someone to use corrective discipline on me as motivation for weightloss. Initially I was thinking about heavy spanking but as I started to read about the D/s lifestyle the more the lifestyle itself seemed a real fit for me, apart from the weightloss issue. I understood intuitively that TPE could result in a profound level of intimacy, which is something that I have always desired but never really had. I’ve had an online relationship with an older Dom for the last few weeks, and I’ve been amazed at the deep level of caring he has shown. We spend 2 – 3 hours a day chatting online and write each other great letters. We are intellectually compatible and he makes me laugh like crazy. He knows about my issues with weight and about the man who has harassed me. I know the day is coming soon, when we’ll become intimate, and bring this to the next level. But frankly the idea of spending a lot of time naked and exposed terrifies me, especially if a lot of crawling is involved, which I think he will ask of me. How do you deal with your discomfort over your body with your partner? Part of me says to just trust him to take the lead on this matter, but I’m not sure. Any thoughts you can share. Thank you.

mms,

Congrats on your new budding relationship and I wish you the best of luck with your Dom.

Being overweight is a concern with any relationship especially if you are uncomfortable with yourself. I’ve been dealing with my weight problem ever since I was little. I was so paranoid about what my Master would think of me when I finally took off all my clothing in his presence. The result of it was not only positive, it was very body image boosting. He finds my body beautiful and has no problem telling and showing me so.

Now what I see from your question is that you think you will be spending a lot of time naked and crawling around. I do have to ask if this has been discussed by him and you have, perhaps, discussed the impact on your knees from so much crawling and kneeling. Have you talked about your discomfort with him?

I’m very comfortable with my naked body when I’m around my Master and I’ve gotten better around others. I’m an exhibitionist and I enjoy exposing myself even a little bit.

Has your Dom said that he likes larger women or has he insisted that you will be losing weight because he doesn’t like your body type? I would be concerned if he says he doesn’t like large women; but if the weight loss is to bring you to a more healthy existence then that makes sense.

I do have my own discomforts about my size. I have issues reaching my own pussy and so it’s not a sexy reach when he asks me to touch myself. I don’t like the look of my large stomach hanging down when I’m on my knees and rope tying I just choose not to think about it. The importance here is that my Master loves the way I look and that confidence booster is what keeps me going.

So, how do I deal with my discomfort? I allow my devotion to Master govern my feelings. My reason is to please Master and if he loves the way I look naked then I should not allow it to bother me. It’s taken years.

Trust your Dom. He knows how to lead you through your fears and hang ups about your weight. Your body is beautiful; let him show you just how beautiful it is.

It’s very important to make Master sexually happy at every possible moment. I have a bit of learning to do in this department. I’ve always hesitated when it comes to teasing Master’s cock with my mouth and hands. I love how he can make me feel with it, so it’s my turn to show him how wonderful he can feel with it under my touch.

Here are some helpful links so that my training can begin.

Blowjobs

Doug’s Blowjob Training Page

Fellatio Introduction

Blow Job Instruction

How To Give A Better Blow Job

Libida.com Tips and Techniques

Spiritual Blow Job

Hand Jobs

Hand Job Advice.com

Lingam Massage

The Perfect Handjob

Hand Job Techniques

Training in Progress

Stepping out of service mode when pleasing Master

Deep Throating

Swallowing his semen

Guilt

I’ve read a very good quote from an owner of a submissive who’s blog I read regularly. Kinky Little Girl was talking about punishment and how she let’s it continue to get to her after it’s over.

One of the earliest pieces of advice he ever gave me was, “Being a better submissive means learning to trust your Dominant to punish you when you need it and not do it to yourself.” I’ve always taken that to heart, but I’m not terribly good at putting it into practice.

I can completely relate. I know it’s not my job to do the punishing but when I’ve done something wrong I tend to feel so very guilty that it keeps me from returning to normal for a while until I feel that I’ve atoned for it; not when he’s done punishing me for it. With the advent of the punishment book I have a whole week’s worth of atoning to do at one time and while I’ve been lucky to only have one thing listed each week I have a part of me that continues the punishment from the very moment it gets put in there until Sunday night when I pay for it. This last week I was extremely frustrated and smarted back at Master quite rudely and I knew that I was in for it. It wasn’t a slip of the tongue, it was intentional and I could have gotten worse than I did. I got 15 minutes of corner time. I hate corner time and he knows it; which is probably why it works so well.

I started my own punishment mere minutes after he wrote it down. I chastised myself every time I said something, making sure that I was the sweetest person I could be. I apologized at least 3 times, offered to make his coffee or if he wanted anything to eat. Anything I could to amend myself to what I just did. Yeah, and I still paid for it Sunday with corner time.

It’s rather difficult for me to move on from when I get into trouble, past punishment. Even when Master says that the issue is done and over with I can’t drop it. I could have had 10 cane strokes and I still want to cry and fuss and try to make amends for it. He has said it’s done, why can’t I drop it?

All in all, I’m a good girl. I don’t get into trouble often anymore. I’ve learned I’m happier that way ;P But slips will happen and Master is quick to work them out of me. I just have to let it go and trust him that what he has done for punishment is atonement enough.

Yeah, I put in that darn trust word. It’s been a struggle to get all of my trust into his hands. I keep telling myself that it’s not that I don’t trust him; it’s that I don’t trust myself to let go. It’s been a huge learning experience and as we can see, I am far from done letting go.

He does have the best for me all laid bare. He knows what makes me tick and can tell what I’m thinking with just an eyebrow twitch. This man KNOWS me. Trust should come easy. He’s had to earn every scrap of it and I think it’s all related to me not letting it go. If I could let go, he’d have all of me now; we all know he would care for it.

Just accept his control, his love, his compassion, his discipline and his trust. Such easy sounding words… so hard to do.

I accept… gradually.

–luna

Anal Training

Master would like to use my ass whenever he wants. He also has a plan to have me wear butt plugs on a regular basis to remind me of my place and prepare me for more frequent anal sex and play. A butt plug will allow me to relax better, faster, easier when he wishes to use me in this way. I’m open to this and have been working hard on the ick factor that seems to accompany many of the ass activities we engage in.

As it stands one of my current rules is that I have to wear a butt plug every other day for at least an hour. I’m sure after he is satisfied with that he will increase the time or size of the plug. I really hope we can get more comfortable ones in the near future; ones that I can handle wearing for longer periods and maybe out in public. He wants a decorative one as well, since he has commented that a decorative ass is quite appealing

Essays on Butt Play

Beginning Butt Play Made Easy

Anal Beads

Anal Sex: A Delicate Decision

A Guide To Anal Play

Training in Progress

I am to wear a butt plug for one hour every other day. ** We haven’t been doing this on a regular basis for a very long time and part of me isn’t ready to start this back up again…**

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