Types of BDSM Relationships

Each relationship that we pursue is going to be unique and different. We can not compare one person’s dynamic with another’s even if we can agree that it is under the term of BDSM that we hold this relationship. In a recent comment on the post Speech Training there came up a need for me to explain what kind of a relationship Master and I have and it’s comparison with other types of relationships we’ve seen or been exposed to somehow. This post is not meant to bash or insinuate that our relationship is any better than any other. This only came about to explain why I AM real all of the time, I am myself and I am also his submissive. All of the time, whether reality calls or not.

Mara questioned the validity of the need to be myself sometimes and not be in the submissive role. She went on to say that she is submissive in the bedroom but her owner and herself have a different relationship outside of that. This is the first of a few relationship dynamics I’d like to discuss. A bedroom only BDSM relationship has many merits for those who find a need to be kinky but can’t possibly imagine taking the power exchange outside of that into their real life, or for some other reason don’t feel the need or desire to be ‘in role’ outside of that. A lot of people may select this type of relationship if there are children involved also; BDSM is done in the bedroom only to keep the exposure to the Lifestyle as minimal as possible. This type of relationship is perfect for so many people that I think it is the bulk of who I see at munches lately.

There are also people in relationships I’ll call ‘weekenders’. These people go about their daily routine, day in and out and don’t give a thought about BDSM or kinky play except on the weekends. Whether it’s every weekend or not, the BDSM aspect of their lives is limited in scope to what they can do in a weekend’s time. The bulk of weekenders also tend to be long-distance relationships.

With even less exposure to BDSM elements are the kinky sex relationships. They differ from the Bedroom only folks only in that they may not engage in the role play, have defined roles at all, probably don’t have interest in a lot of toys and won’t go into a lot of learning/exploration or training to do the more advanced play techniques. These relationships like to dabble in the kinky sex, the light bondage and sensation play and tend to keep it that way.

Next are the relationships I’ll call signal relationships. This is when the partners are only in their defined roles when the collar is on. It could be everyday, only when home from work, only on the weekends or whenever the mood strikes. This type of relationship I see as being more in-depth than weekenders because it could include behavior rules, routine or ritual more than weekend play sessions and also applies an easy break in reality (ie. real life) for those wanting to explore BDSM but aren’t sure they want to make the step into calling it a Lifestyle.

Next group, and the largest I perceive are the Lifestylers. This type of relationship strives to live in their natural roles as close to 24/7 as humanly possible. There are usually lists of rules and structure applied for all occasions and reasons. There is a lot of ritual and symbolism in this type of relationship. Real life is blended into these types of relationships sometimes so seamlessly that you wouldn’t be able to tell where ‘real life’ begins and D/s ends. D/s is their life.

This type of relationship is the one that Master and I are developing. We do hope to live fully in the lifestyle someday and we continue to progress along our own paths along each other. I have rules and rituals I must follow daily. I have behaviors that are to be amplified and those that need to be limited or removed. All of this is to make our relationship exactly as we’d like it to be.

There are also M/s relationships. I can’t say I know a lot about these, but know that generally the slave has no limits, no say in what is done, must be obedient (almost to a fault), and I feel tends to be a form of voluntary sexual slavery. If you wish to learn more about consensual slavery you can do so through some of the blogs on my links list. I can not do this relationship type justice in my explanation because I can’t say I understand it fully. I only know that I do not want to become a slave; I’m happy where I am.

I’m certain that many of you are reading and feel that none of these types of relationships applies to you. I’d gladly like to read your description of the type of relationship that you have in the comments. This is by no means a complete list and it is only my interpretations; as such if you disagree, feel free to express that as well.

–luna