Checking In With Myself

On my way home from work today I was thinking about how far I’ve come since I was collared in February. I’m amazed at how comfortable I’ve become with my role. I’m more accepting of Master’s rules and his control over me. I don’t fight quite so much. My sexual submission has come leaps and bounds.

I know that Master is grateful that blowjobs aren’t a fight anymore. He tells me a day or so in advance that he’d like a blowjob and I spend the preparation time reading my mood and figuring out how to make it really good for him. I still have issues with spontaneous blowjobs but he has gotten one or two that he says were fantastic surprises.

Anal stuff is still somewhat of a hang up. It’s not that I don’t like it; I love anal sex. I even like butt plugs. I just don’t like butt plugs when they aren’t a part of some play or sex. It’s like an invasion and just have issues accepting his dominance in choosing when to torture me like this. He says its to rule over me, to show me that all parts of my life are his to control. Maybe it’s just the butt plug part of it, but I doubt it. If he chose something else I’d probably have just as much trouble submitting.

I’m going to always have more to work on, but I’m happy that I have changed so much and for the positive. It proves to myself that I can do this. I’m feeling happier with myself and more in love with him and this lifestyle than I ever have.

–luna

Possibly related posts:

1. Grumble
2. Topping from the Bottom, again
3. Wants and Needs part 2
4. Serving to Serve vs. Serving for Pleasure
5. What crawled up my butt?