Let me start off with a diet week in review since I didn’t do that yesterday. This is week 5 if you are keeping track and I’m way off the diet trail. I weighed in at 315 today. That’s back to the starting point again. I have a few reasons for this and I can tell you I’m not happy. First, I’m depressed. I’ve been depressed for several months. I always thought it was because i was overweight and that I’d feel better when I lost weight. Turns out that being depressed has acted negatively to my diet plans. The motivation has been lacking and when I do something I should be doing I don’t treat it as something of note. So….
Master and I discussed medication. He doesn’t like the idea of my having to take pills to feel better. I did some reading on natural help for depression and found information about St John’s Wart. I’m going to try it, in fact I’m in my first full day of it. Master and I should notice improvement if there is any in about 4 weeks. I’m optimistic because if there isn’t real results, then maybe I’ll have pseudo-results. Either way I’ll be doing better.
In the meantime I am going to work on keeping my positive energy up, not overeat and try to get my exercise in when I can. I doubt I will get to losing the weight I wanted to by the end of the year mainly because I’m not mentally fit to do this yet. I don’t want it bad enough yet. I will get there though!
Along with the diet drawback, I have issues with my rules and following the behaviors Master wants from me. I think it has to do with the depression. I do want to make him happy but I feel down all the time. It’s just … sad.
Master and I had a photo shoot last night and I have some excellent pictures from it. I have a few boobies pictures for Breast Cancer Research. I have one that I’d like to make my new header on this blog if Master will prep it for me. I had fun! Master reminded me just how much fun I have dressing and posing for pictures.
I’m not feeling so well tonight and Master hasn’t gotten the attention that I wanted to give him. I have a blowjob I owe him and I’m supposed to wear my butt plug. My body isn’t agreeing with me at all. Ick. I hope that I can make it up to him soon.
–luna
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luna – i have been reading your blog regularly for the last few weeks after a long hiatus. i hate to hear that someone is "down" as i have felt these very same feelings. Weight loss issues and all.
One thing I think has helped me lately is the addition to a Vitamin B12/folic acid meltaway under my tongue every day. My doctor had told me years ago that this would help with my general moods and also to help take the edge off a tiny bit come that time of the month. Anyway, i don’t know what the medical proof is of this working however, it’s something you could try. Just a friendly suggestion.
Smile. Whether you feel like it or not, you will when you do it.
I totally recognized myself in your post. I know what you mean about not liking the idea of having to take medication to feel happy, I resisted the idea of taking pills for many years, blaming my depression on my life circumstances… until one day, there weren’t any more bad life events to blame it on and I realized there was something chemically not right with me. So now, I take an antidepressant every morning and it helps me manage. It definitely doesn’t make me happy all by itself, I have to do that, but it helps me from sinking too low… most of the time. Anyway, I hope the St John’s Wort works for you. Don’t feel badly for taking it.
simplysub– thank you for the suggestion. I will read into B12 benefits and see if it would work for me.
good girl– I don’t like to take meds for anything. Master has to remind me to take my vitamin everyday! He’s amenable for the natural herbs so St John’s Wart it is. Hopefully I won’t need something else.
Thank you for your comments, they really do help me.
I hope the St John’s Wart works for you! I have a sister who takes it regularly and swears by it.
Losing weight is so hard and I have the utmost respect for you as you work toward your goals. I know how it is. Somedays it feels like an uphill battle all the freaking time! Grrr! It can be so frustrating and at times, demoralizing.
But hang in there! ‘Cause the truth is, that’s the only way to get there. I’ll be here you cheering you on and I can see I’m not alone.
((((HUGS))))
Bethie