Numerous times on this blog I have mentioned just how patient Master is with me. I’ve battled a lot of emotions and physical struggles when all he wanted was to play, tie me up and spank me. He’s been quietly waiting for me to be in the mood so that the sex and blow job he receives will be exactly what he deserves and not what he gets. He’s adoring and loving and so very affectionate when the last thing on his mind is cuddle time; he wants sex.
He only casually mentioned today that he has listed several different play activities that he’s wanted to do that I’ve not appeared interested the past week. He waiting. I don’t know if he’s waiting because he knows that when I’m ready he will be satisfied beyond his imaginings or if he’s waiting just for the right moment to pounce on me. Either way I’m prepared for both.
I know that I will be ready for play, I want to play and sooner or later my head will be in the right place for the play to be fantastic. It’s already ruminating inside me.
I’m guessing that for most people the desire and the physical submission ebbs and flows. I can’t see someone constantly in a frenzy. Granted I’ve read it several times in blogs and it still is hard for me to fathom that you can be 24/7 no matter what is going on outside your own mind.
But back to Master and his wonderful patience. I’m hoping that it never runs out but I also hope that one day he realizes that I don’t always need the patience, I need the action. The affirmation that he is the one that decides these things, not I. I need ‘The Look’. Honest I do. I crave being placed in my place and forced to be his.
I’ve often pictured Master as he allows himself to be only during scene coming out in day to day activities. There is no visible patience then. Only stern enforcement of his desires. My days would be more structured and the nights would be his. If he wished me to be under the desk (a la kaya) I would be. If he wanted his dick suckled while he ate dinner I would be his. And I would gladly accept him into every hole I had.
But these are just the fantasy of what I can currently give to Master. My mental state just doesn’t allow acceptance of my submission after work. It gets so hard to do and I can’t explain why. I mean I can slip into work mode just fine; why is slut mode so hard?
I’ve got this desire to please him but this nagging to make sure I’m pleased in the process. This is something Master is working on with me. My pleasure is not my responsibility. Master will care for me as he knows how. I’ve never been lacking anything; in fact he’s overabundant with love and affection, orgasms and attention. I’m spoiled.
“How much do you love me?” I ask today.
“Um, where is this going?”
“Well, do you love me enough to sit at the theater for a chick flick on my birthday?” I implore.
*pause* “Yes baby, I love you that much.”
I’m going to see Elizabeth The Golden Age
PS: Never fear, I have a birthday spanking lined up too with an extra 32 swats! Thanks everyone!