October 2007

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Misery's Tale

Did I say something wrong?
Were my feelings too strong?
Or was it my longing for you that
made me feel like I don’t belong?
I was ready to give my heart to you,
Now all my heart feels is blue.
Even if someone tried to cheer me up,
I know that nothing but you will do.
Our night, answered what I was praying for,
Now I feel you don’t need me anymore.
So as I sit and cry my heart out,
I vow I will never again open my heart’s door.
In my heart I had a dream,
I thought you were my heart’s moonbeam.
But you proved me wrong, You threw my heart away.
What do you expect from my heart?
Do you think it can withstand damage and not fall apart?
Why did you do this to my emotions,
I thought you were sweet, but I taste tart.

Good Sex

Hurrah for sex! My period is over and it’s time to catch up. I’m so looking forward to all the juicy sex I’m going to get. Master is never satiated. I think I’m going to have to give in before he does (as always) but I do know that I will be completely used. Hopefully we will get to play this weekend too.

I have asked for some time off coming next month and I think Master and I are going to try to get away for a few days. Spend some time connecting… over and over and over. We have a party to go to and it will just lead to Master and I being very horny; why not exploit it right?Now, do we have to worry about being too loud in a hotel? Will they call on you or something? I don’t really know. Any fun bondage/sex tips for hotel play?

It’s been a long while since I’ve felt so sexually desirable and so turned on by the smallest things. Even Master’s wink is causing me to think naughty thoughts. It’s about the possible. What does that wink mean? Could he be thinking dark and sinister thoughts? What does he want to do to me?

I have been fantasizing about what could happen when I let myself go and really feel all that I want to feel; when I give myself over to Master for his desires and my happy face. I know that I’m very easily in my slut space when I’m feeling as I do right now. I’m more open to his desires. There’s something to the look in his eye that I’ve not allowed myself to see for quite some time.

Well, now I know exactly how this weekend is going to go. Master came in while I was writing and I asked if he wanted to fuck me. Duh, does a plant need water? He was all over that. Stripping lightening fast and so ready for me. He had me get on top of him, riding him deep within me. I love the feeling of his dick in me and my body pressed against him that only female on top can do for me. He can still make me feel so very submissive like that.

I got 2 orgasms tonight, thank you Master! They were impressive. He had the chocolate dildo we got a couple weeks ago in my pussy because he knows how much I love the feeling of something to squeeze when I’m cuming. It was fantastic! One day I think Master will be able to get me off faster that I can myself. That would be so impressive! My clit is still throbbing and it’s a delicious after effect.

I love Master’s dick. I like that it’s uncut and feels so darned good in my hand, mouth, pussy or ass. He has a pretty straight dick, which is probably why doggie style feels the best for both of us. If it were curved one way or another we’d certainly be making use of it. I can usually tell when he is about to cum. His dick gets rock hard and pulses. I am sure that many girls can tell when their guy is about to cum, but I find it really turns me on to know that the moment is imminent and I usually squeeze my muscles nice and tight and help buck (if he doesn’t have my held fast in place). Oh god that’s just so good.


One Lone Rose

One lone rose on a bush,
no one to sway with, no one to play with,
only itself to cry with.
One lone rose, clipped from the bush,
no one to sway with, no one to play with,
only itself to cry with.
One lone rose, in a vase on a table,
out of reach of the water it needs, no one to play with,
no one to hear its cries.
One lone rose, crying,
no one to love, no one to say good-bye,
no one to see it… die.


So, you probably wonder where I was yesterday since if you know my schedule I should have blogged yesterday. Well, I was in bed, sick. I’ve had whatever crud has been going around. Master only got touched by it, but it laid me flat yesterday. Whatever it is, I’m not 100% yet which is a huge bummer to Master.

I promised that I would please him sexually every day during my period. This flu stopped that. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to provide him with pleasure and reward him for being so patient and wonderful to me while I was sick.

Work has been really stressful. I’ve had a lot of things on my plate today that I’m learning how to juggle. I’ve really become the hub of all things with this account and everyone looks to me for answers or information. I feel really good about that. Perhaps it’s time I work on my proposal to change my title and get a bit more money for what I do. It’s not an easy process but one that my manager thinks could work. He has to pass it up to his manager for approval so I still don’t know if it will work or not.

Master and I have remarked several times to each other that the St John’s Wart appears to be working. I’m in a better mood more often and I’m dwelling on the things I can not change less. I feel better about myself and I know that soon I will be able to pick up where I left off with my weight loss.

Speaking of weight loss, I think I’ve gained it all back. I’ve not weighed since I had the decision to work on my mental health a bit first and I’m kinda glad I did. This will put me in a better place to lose. I’ve printed off my pyramid eating plan to help work out a meal plan for myself week by week. I don’t have a clue how I’m going to get that much fruit and vegetable portions into my day. I barely eat any now. I think I’m going to have to wiggle them in one at a time. If anyone else is interested in learning about the new food pyramid and what each food group amount you should be consuming, you can go to the mypyramid website and find out! I’m going to continue using SparkPeople as my food and exercise log so that I can have some documentation and tracking tools about my whole change in life.

I think Master is going to get back into it too. I will be cooking healthier and making better choices at the grocery store. I will be exercising daily soon enough. I want to start with 30 mins 3 times a week and bump it up to 6 days a week within 12 weeks. After another 12 weeks I can make it 60 mins a day. That is really the healthy level for living well. I’m going to work on drinking my water again. I’ve dropped down to 40 oz a day and that isn’t great.

All of these are goals that I know I can attain now that I feel better about myself. Master smiles more, I smile more and I think life is getting better.

I know life is getting better. Master is getting paid what he should be for the work he is currently doing. He has dreams to finally get his project off the ground. He wants to start a kinky craft store of some sort for secondary income for me. He wants to get our local group off the ground and evolved into a more interactive learning experience. He has so many dreams and goals.

I’m more at peace with myself that I have been in a long while. I know that I can develop and continue to grow into the person I know is in there. I have progressed so far and I can’t stop now. My destiny awaits!



No more will we see her bright, smiling eyes, her long wet tongue, or her cute little nose. The sound of her bark, and the thump of her tail, are lost to the silence. Her food tray has been taken away, there’s no water in her dish. The mail comes, and we don’t know, her sound can no longer be heard. The toys and treats are gone, and don’t clutter our space. We aren’t greeted anymore when we return from a long day gone. Thirteen years of happiness left when they carried her out the door. There will be many unlicked faces and happy smiles because our dog is gone. I will try to remember all the times she wagged her tail and looked at me, ’cause that’s when she showed she cared.

When a child leaves it’s mother, he’s all alone. Someone finds him crying in the corner, then he’s a happy boy again. When love hits a pothole, you are both left alone. People avoid the potholes by swerving around the touchy areas. Friends stay together by learning to care. Knowing the other’s feelings helps you have a happy day. Flowers bloom to make a smile, appear in the hearts on the people who care. The flowers die to show that not all smiles last forever


Here I am
Looking into your eyes
I see what you feel for me
You regret that you ever met me
I can see it because your eyes are stormy
I see your anger I see your hate
When you look at me
I see the lightening in your eyes
Then I know I must be on my way
I know because you’re eyes are stormy
You look at me real nasty
And I know you would rather be
With someone else
That’s when I know we must go separate ways
The love we had no long bears
The symbol of eternity
We got in a fight
And decided to part
Because your eyes were stormy

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