Misery's Tale

Did I say something wrong?
Were my feelings too strong?
Or was it my longing for you that
made me feel like I don’t belong?
I was ready to give my heart to you,
Now all my heart feels is blue.
Even if someone tried to cheer me up,
I know that nothing but you will do.
Our night, answered what I was praying for,
Now I feel you don’t need me anymore.
So as I sit and cry my heart out,
I vow I will never again open my heart’s door.
In my heart I had a dream,
I thought you were my heart’s moonbeam.
But you proved me wrong, You threw my heart away.
What do you expect from my heart?
Do you think it can withstand damage and not fall apart?
Why did you do this to my emotions,
I thought you were sweet, but I taste tart.

Good Sex

Hurrah for sex! My period is over and it’s time to catch up. I’m so looking forward to all the juicy sex I’m going to get. Master is never satiated. I think I’m going to have to give in before he does (as always) but I do know that I will be completely used. Hopefully we will get to play this weekend too.

I have asked for some time off coming next month and I think Master and I are going to try to get away for a few days. Spend some time connecting… over and over and over. We have a party to go to and it will just lead to Master and I being very horny; why not exploit it right?Now, do we have to worry about being too loud in a hotel? Will they call on you or something? I don’t really know. Any fun bondage/sex tips for hotel play?

It’s been a long while since I’ve felt so sexually desirable and so turned on by the smallest things. Even Master’s wink is causing me to think naughty thoughts. It’s about the possible. What does that wink mean? Could he be thinking dark and sinister thoughts? What does he want to do to me?

I have been fantasizing about what could happen when I let myself go and really feel all that I want to feel; when I give myself over to Master for his desires and my happy face. I know that I’m very easily in my slut space when I’m feeling as I do right now. I’m more open to his desires. There’s something to the look in his eye that I’ve not allowed myself to see for quite some time.

Well, now I know exactly how this weekend is going to go. Master came in while I was writing and I asked if he wanted to fuck me. Duh, does a plant need water? He was all over that. Stripping lightening fast and so ready for me. He had me get on top of him, riding him deep within me. I love the feeling of his dick in me and my body pressed against him that only female on top can do for me. He can still make me feel so very submissive like that.

I got 2 orgasms tonight, thank you Master! They were impressive. He had the chocolate dildo we got a couple weeks ago in my pussy because he knows how much I love the feeling of something to squeeze when I’m cuming. It was fantastic! One day I think Master will be able to get me off faster that I can myself. That would be so impressive! My clit is still throbbing and it’s a delicious after effect.

I love Master’s dick. I like that it’s uncut and feels so darned good in my hand, mouth, pussy or ass. He has a pretty straight dick, which is probably why doggie style feels the best for both of us. If it were curved one way or another we’d certainly be making use of it. I can usually tell when he is about to cum. His dick gets rock hard and pulses. I am sure that many girls can tell when their guy is about to cum, but I find it really turns me on to know that the moment is imminent and I usually squeeze my muscles nice and tight and help buck (if he doesn’t have my held fast in place). Oh god that’s just so good.

–luna

One Lone Rose

One lone rose on a bush,
no one to sway with, no one to play with,
only itself to cry with.
One lone rose, clipped from the bush,
no one to sway with, no one to play with,
only itself to cry with.
One lone rose, in a vase on a table,
out of reach of the water it needs, no one to play with,
no one to hear its cries.
One lone rose, crying,
no one to love, no one to say good-bye,
no one to see it… die.

Progress

So, you probably wonder where I was yesterday since if you know my schedule I should have blogged yesterday. Well, I was in bed, sick. I’ve had whatever crud has been going around. Master only got touched by it, but it laid me flat yesterday. Whatever it is, I’m not 100% yet which is a huge bummer to Master.

I promised that I would please him sexually every day during my period. This flu stopped that. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to provide him with pleasure and reward him for being so patient and wonderful to me while I was sick.

Work has been really stressful. I’ve had a lot of things on my plate today that I’m learning how to juggle. I’ve really become the hub of all things with this account and everyone looks to me for answers or information. I feel really good about that. Perhaps it’s time I work on my proposal to change my title and get a bit more money for what I do. It’s not an easy process but one that my manager thinks could work. He has to pass it up to his manager for approval so I still don’t know if it will work or not.

Master and I have remarked several times to each other that the St John’s Wart appears to be working. I’m in a better mood more often and I’m dwelling on the things I can not change less. I feel better about myself and I know that soon I will be able to pick up where I left off with my weight loss.

Speaking of weight loss, I think I’ve gained it all back. I’ve not weighed since I had the decision to work on my mental health a bit first and I’m kinda glad I did. This will put me in a better place to lose. I’ve printed off my pyramid eating plan to help work out a meal plan for myself week by week. I don’t have a clue how I’m going to get that much fruit and vegetable portions into my day. I barely eat any now. I think I’m going to have to wiggle them in one at a time. If anyone else is interested in learning about the new food pyramid and what each food group amount you should be consuming, you can go to the mypyramid website and find out! I’m going to continue using SparkPeople as my food and exercise log so that I can have some documentation and tracking tools about my whole change in life.

I think Master is going to get back into it too. I will be cooking healthier and making better choices at the grocery store. I will be exercising daily soon enough. I want to start with 30 mins 3 times a week and bump it up to 6 days a week within 12 weeks. After another 12 weeks I can make it 60 mins a day. That is really the healthy level for living well. I’m going to work on drinking my water again. I’ve dropped down to 40 oz a day and that isn’t great.

All of these are goals that I know I can attain now that I feel better about myself. Master smiles more, I smile more and I think life is getting better.

I know life is getting better. Master is getting paid what he should be for the work he is currently doing. He has dreams to finally get his project off the ground. He wants to start a kinky craft store of some sort for secondary income for me. He wants to get our local group off the ground and evolved into a more interactive learning experience. He has so many dreams and goals.

I’m more at peace with myself that I have been in a long while. I know that I can develop and continue to grow into the person I know is in there. I have progressed so far and I can’t stop now. My destiny awaits!

–luna

Sheba

No more will we see her bright, smiling eyes, her long wet tongue, or her cute little nose. The sound of her bark, and the thump of her tail, are lost to the silence. Her food tray has been taken away, there’s no water in her dish. The mail comes, and we don’t know, her sound can no longer be heard. The toys and treats are gone, and don’t clutter our space. We aren’t greeted anymore when we return from a long day gone. Thirteen years of happiness left when they carried her out the door. There will be many unlicked faces and happy smiles because our dog is gone. I will try to remember all the times she wagged her tail and looked at me, ’cause that’s when she showed she cared.

Smiles Don't Last Forever

When a child leaves it’s mother, he’s all alone. Someone finds him crying in the corner, then he’s a happy boy again. When love hits a pothole, you are both left alone. People avoid the potholes by swerving around the touchy areas. Friends stay together by learning to care. Knowing the other’s feelings helps you have a happy day. Flowers bloom to make a smile, appear in the hearts on the people who care. The flowers die to show that not all smiles last forever

Stormy

Here I am
Looking into your eyes
I see what you feel for me
You regret that you ever met me
I can see it because your eyes are stormy
I see your anger I see your hate
When you look at me
I see the lightening in your eyes
Then I know I must be on my way
I know because you’re eyes are stormy
You look at me real nasty
And I know you would rather be
With someone else
That’s when I know we must go separate ways
The love we had no long bears
The symbol of eternity
We got in a fight
And decided to part
Because your eyes were stormy

The Silent Spirit

Inside the recesses of your mind
Lies a silent spirit,
Whom to this day, torture’s many,
With its single weapon,
One so small, yet enormous,
No one really recognizes the pain,
Until only a scare remains.
The spirit lies deep within us,
So deep we never see it coming
Until it’s too late,
The damage is done.
The spirit is a cloud that covers the sun,
Never to reopen what was there.
The spirit of Lost Friendships
Is the worst of them all,
To most people it is over,
But I have found one solution,
The need of someone to break the silence.

Why

When I see you I have no idea what is going on in your head, I wish I knew. I would cherish your thoughts with all my heart, never to let them go. My life would be changed for you. All my fantasies about life would then become reality, everything artificial would be no more. If only you would tell me what I want to hear, I love you.

Cookies and Love

Well folks, I’m doing good. Master has commented a couple times about how relaxed I appear. I don’t feel as stressed as I usually am. Either I’m getting over this hurdle or the St John’s Wart is doing the trick. I’d like to think I’m doing this on my own, but a bit of natural assistance wouldn’t hurt either. Yay!

With the improvement of my mood I think I’ll be able to pick back up where I was in my submission and make Master so very happy. I’ve promised to please him sexually everyday this week as it is my period and usually we are in a sexual drought. I don’t want that this time. It makes him frustrated and really hard to be around. Besides, a happy Master would be happy to fuck me senseless once it’s done :)

I’ve been watching and reading other blogs and the thought process that goes into a lot of posts. I believe that I’m lacking in that right now. It’s really hard to focus on what I need to work on when my whole day is concentrating on getting myself back in order. Master has been fantastic about it all.

I got the cookies my best friend made for my birthday in the mail today. Her oatmeal cookies are like no other I’ve ever had. The first big bite I almost cried. I miss her so much. The cookies just made me feel like coming home. It’s been so long since we’ve seen each other and even though we talk on the phone at least 3 times a week, the cookies have something emotional to them. They remind me of good times that we’ve had and hope to have again. I cherish our friendship more than anything.

I’m planning on working on Master’s set of matching floggers. He wants to do Florentine flogging and he doesn’t have a matching set yet. I promised him one over a year ago. He’s finally going to get them. Red medium weight suede :) It should be great. I’ve got a long way to go but I’m in the crafting mood so he should be able to get them in short order!

–luna

Quiet

Nothing but quiet surrounds me
I fight for the sounds I long to hear
Laughter, song, praise
Trapped
Like a caged bird
Never to be free
Why
No one knows
To be a person without simple things
Like love.

30 is Old

So a lot of things have popped in and out of my mind today having to do with my birthday, getting older and how things have changed. I’m 30. There’s no getting past that. I feel like I’ve stepped over a hurdle of age and I’m hoping I don’t begin to feel it.

I was hoping for a spanking and some play and sex this evening however my period has other plans. Dang it. I was so looking forward to those 32 spankings I earned as well as the 30 I get for my birthday.

Master made my birthday cake while I was at work. He frosted it himself. It was fantastic yummy with the ice cream. He sang happy birthday to me before I blew my candles out. Such a lovable cute singing “Happy birthday dear slutty.” (giggle) Master gave me the sweetest card. He doesn’t want me to share the contents of it for fear that it will ruin his persona of a strong masculine dominant type instead of the wonderful, affectionate, passionate, romantic person that he is. Cats out of the bag Master.

My best friend has mailed me her awesome oatmeal cookies. My father is sending me a set of pots and pans. Master got me some nice ‘for work’ makeup. I’m a happy slut!

I’m trying to return this blog back to what it was before the issue happened on Tuesday. I’m going to continue to find out what happened. I’m not really sure but I’m going to go slowly. If anyone finds any problems, please let me know. I have a few new header images to use when October is over. I’m trying to figure out what the rest of the template will look like, but I have ideas ;)

My birthday is coming to a close and I can say that I’m super happy with how the day went.

–luna

Blog Recovery

OK, so I can’t say I know what happened today other than my blog blew up. All of the normal WP troubleshooting failed. I deleted all of my plugins, my themes and yet the blog still wouldn’t come back to default state.

I completely deleted my WordPress install (except my database). So this means I lost all my picture heirarchy and I don’t know if I want to take all that time to upload them all where they once were. I’m sure I’ll go through them slowly and decide which ones I want to re-add as I go along.

It was so frustrating but I’m back and hopefully the archives look alright minus the images. Let me know if anything doesn’t work.

The comment avatars have not been reinstalled. I haven’t decided if I’m going to do them again. What do you say? Give me your vote please.

–luna

Strict Patience

Numerous times on this blog I have mentioned just how patient Master is with me. I’ve battled a lot of emotions and physical struggles when all he wanted was to play, tie me up and spank me. He’s been quietly waiting for me to be in the mood so that the sex and blow job he receives will be exactly what he deserves and not what he gets. He’s adoring and loving and so very affectionate when the last thing on his mind is cuddle time; he wants sex.

He only casually mentioned today that he has listed several different play activities that he’s wanted to do that I’ve not appeared interested the past week. He waiting. I don’t know if he’s waiting because he knows that when I’m ready he will be satisfied beyond his imaginings or if he’s waiting just for the right moment to pounce on me. Either way I’m prepared for both.

I know that I will be ready for play, I want to play and sooner or later my head will be in the right place for the play to be fantastic. It’s already ruminating inside me.

I’m guessing that for most people the desire and the physical submission ebbs and flows. I can’t see someone constantly in a frenzy. Granted I’ve read it several times in blogs and it still is hard for me to fathom that you can be 24/7 no matter what is going on outside your own mind.

But back to Master and his wonderful patience. I’m hoping that it never runs out but I also hope that one day he realizes that I don’t always need the patience, I need the action. The affirmation that he is the one that decides these things, not I. I need ‘The Look’. Honest I do. I crave being placed in my place and forced to be his.

I’ve often pictured Master as he allows himself to be only during scene coming out in day to day activities. There is no visible patience then. Only stern enforcement of his desires. My days would be more structured and the nights would be his. If he wished me to be under the desk (a la kaya) I would be. If he wanted his dick suckled while he ate dinner I would be his. And I would gladly accept him into every hole I had.

But these are just the fantasy of what I can currently give to Master. My mental state just doesn’t allow acceptance of my submission after work. It gets so hard to do and I can’t explain why. I mean I can slip into work mode just fine; why is slut mode so hard?

I’ve got this desire to please him but this nagging to make sure I’m pleased in the process. This is something Master is working on with me. My pleasure is not my responsibility. Master will care for me as he knows how. I’ve never been lacking anything; in fact he’s overabundant with love and affection, orgasms and attention. I’m spoiled.

“How much do you love me?” I ask today.

“Um, where is this going?”

“Well, do you love me enough to sit at the theater for a chick flick on my birthday?” I implore.

*pause* “Yes baby, I love you that much.”

I’m going to see Elizabeth The Golden Age :)

–luna

PS: Never fear, I have a birthday spanking lined up too with an extra 32 swats! Thanks everyone!

If You're Going to Get to Heaven

If you’re going to get to heaven,
You have to live by some rules,
Ten to be exact, that’s no lie it’s a fact.
We must follow them precisely,
That is why they were given,
To you and me from the Almighty Above.
Through faith, love, and friendship,
We will find our strength,
And through our prayer He will show us His love.
Although we fall away at times,
He knows we will come back,
For His love is everlasting and no one can compete with that.
When we struggle, He is there,
Or when our life is filled with strife,
All we have to do is believe in Jesus Christ,
For He gave us eternal life.
We must follow in His name, for under Him we’ll never feel the same,
Our lives will turn toward Him,
All we’ll know that we are 100 percent heaven bound.

Hello

Hello dear friend
How do you do?
The one I love has left me
He is gone forever
Never to come back again.
Why you ask?
I do not know
He just disappeared
I don’t know how,
When,
or Where he went.
All I know is he’s gone from my life
Never to enter again.
He told me he loves me, then
he kisses someone new.
I am lost
Good-bye.

Desperation

waiting to find that something
to make you whole
no one’s fault
only misery
to cling to
make it end
bring me closer
to that one that will make me whole
I clutch my heart
something to remember
the words that will keep me together
and yet I struggle
to keep my mind quieted
it’s insane
to reach so far into the distance
for something that is impossible to reach now
yet I beg to be made whole
the time has come
to jump ship
or hang on
Protect me
Save me
My heart is screaming
my mind is racing
and my soul cries
Desperation my only comfort