Turning it Around

You love me, you really really love me! I’ve been down on myself lately; yes. I’ve had so many comments and emails practically telling me what I should already know and don’t practice. I never knew you had it in you; let alone had it in me. I’m going to make some changes. I’m going to start looking up because darn it, life isn’t as bad as it has been and I sure as heck am not going to cause it to go back downhill!

Master looked at my rules yesterday even before I wrote the post about my not accomplishing all that I’m supposed to. We were thinking alike even with me at work and him at home. He said I was right, there are several I’m not doing at all and another few I’m only doing partially. Well that changes. He started calling me ‘girl’ instead of the terms I’m used to, to try and teach me that my place right now is below the honored slut, baby, luna, person status. I felt really down last night and have had to give myself numerous talkings to, but in the end I went to bed feeling ready to be reborn.

I woke up determined to make those changes. I got another talking from one of you readers, you can read her comment in the post below, and she even sent me emails to get me fired up. She’s not the first to try to be my lifechange buddy, but I do welcome her with whatever I can. Thank you Amy!

Master is considering a few punishments for failing at my rules. It’s hard on him because he doesn’t want to punish bad behavior, he wants to reward good behavior. He believes that if he punishes me for the bad behavior that it will have a negative effect and that I’ll be upset with him. Yes I get upset when I have been punished before but it has never been directed at Master, but at the punishment itself. I’ve been mad at me too. He’s just the peacekeeper; I have to bring in the peace.

I got this ‘Letter from the Universe‘ today that really spoke volumes on the whole emotional experience I’m on right now and my future thought process.

Pretty much, in all battles of the heart over the mind, go with your heart.

Because, truly, Jennifer, it’s a lot easier for your mind to catch up with your heart, than for your heart to catch up with your mind. A whole lot.

The Universe

I nodded this morning while I read it. It’s exactly right. I’ve talked recently about my heart saying I’d like to please Master and then my mind talks me out of it. I’m going to do my best to listen to my heart first and ignore the mind. It will catch on soon enough. I want my heart to lead.

This will also help me in my physical lifechanges. I want to lose weight with my whole heart but my head says I can’t, it’s self-defeating me, and always coming up with excuses. I want no more of it.

I’m going to start listening to my heart.

Listen to Your Heart — Roxette

I know theres something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
Youve built a love but that love falls apart.
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark.

Listen to your heart
When hes calling for you.
Listen to your heart
Theres nothing else you can do.
I dont know where youre going
And I dont know why,
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
Theyre swept away and nothing is what is seems,
The feeling of belonging to your dreams.

And there are voices
That want to be heard.
So much to mention
But you cant find the words.
The scent of magic,
The beauty thats been
When love was wilder than the wind.

–luna

Possibly related posts:

1. Trying to Write
2. The Enforcer
3. May I find within myself the will…
4. May I find within myself the will to achieve…
5. How May I Serve Thee?