August 2007

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As You Wish

This weekend is going to be a focus on rules weekend. Hopefully it will be a smooth transition to what I want to be all the time. I’m going to work on getting 75% or better of my rules done correctly all weekend. I have to work overtime tomorrow so I am going to do it in the morning when Master is still sleeping. I’m certain that I can be a good girl all weekend long.

It also sounds like it is going to be a sex filled weekend which I’m counting on! Master has an itch to scratch and I plan on being there to to satisfy him. Yes Master, whatever you desire!


My Love

Did the spring air smell so sweet,
Or the world looked so bright?
No, not until I met you.
Have I ever felt so good,
And my mind felt so clear?
No, not until you asked me out,
Can I see the future,
And does it look good?
Yes, your eyes tell it plainly.
?And if I were to touch you,
Would my emotions spin out of control?
Definitely, for I know it would be so.
All my questions have been answered,
When I met you,
Before, my life looked bleak,
And every day I felt blue.
But you came in and gave it a new hue.
your eyes, your touch, and your smile
Cause my heart to jump a mile.
Though we haven’t had a date,
I can see you like me in your face.
I know my life would have ended without you.
I love you.

Hardcore Romance asked a few questions of his readers and I’m willing to respond to them here in my blog.

What do you get out of bondage?

I get many things out of bondage. I feel secure or helpless. I love the feeling of tightness, the ache of muscles, the lovely marks. I get all floaty with restrictive bondage and Master likes to show me off in decorative bondage. It is an experience that does not have to involve sex or other play. It’s beautiful all on it’s own.

Do you prefer rope or restraints or cuffs?

I love them all but rope is more versatile in what you can do with it.

Do you like being poked or prodded or rubbed or licked or penetrated while bound?

Love it! But I love it when I’m not bound too! I feel BDSM is all about connection, and if there is touching I’m more intimately connected to my partner.

How do you feel while bound? Safe, scared, aroused, thrilled, excited, or all of the above.

All of the above, but not all at once or even not all in the same scene. I used to think bondage was just the lead in to more, but now I’m delirious whenever I’m tied up and there is nothing else going on :)

Have you every tied yourself up and masturbated?

Nope. Not really interested in that.

If you don’t like bondage why?



A Warmth

A warmth flows over me as I
Look at your sleeping face
You look so calm, so happy
I am happy too
Happy that you love me and cherish me,
as I have always dreamed
And I smile
Life is so perfect in this moment
Just beyond the dawn of a new day,
the world awakening below
I kiss you,
sweetly for I know you feel the love in your sleep.
Sweet sleep, after an explosive night
And I smile
You are so wonderful to me.

Turning it Around

You love me, you really really love me! I’ve been down on myself lately; yes. I’ve had so many comments and emails practically telling me what I should already know and don’t practice. I never knew you had it in you; let alone had it in me. I’m going to make some changes. I’m going to start looking up because darn it, life isn’t as bad as it has been and I sure as heck am not going to cause it to go back downhill!

Master looked at my rules yesterday even before I wrote the post about my not accomplishing all that I’m supposed to. We were thinking alike even with me at work and him at home. He said I was right, there are several I’m not doing at all and another few I’m only doing partially. Well that changes. He started calling me ‘girl’ instead of the terms I’m used to, to try and teach me that my place right now is below the honored slut, baby, luna, person status. I felt really down last night and have had to give myself numerous talkings to, but in the end I went to bed feeling ready to be reborn.

I woke up determined to make those changes. I got another talking from one of you readers, you can read her comment in the post below, and she even sent me emails to get me fired up. She’s not the first to try to be my lifechange buddy, but I do welcome her with whatever I can. Thank you Amy!

Master is considering a few punishments for failing at my rules. It’s hard on him because he doesn’t want to punish bad behavior, he wants to reward good behavior. He believes that if he punishes me for the bad behavior that it will have a negative effect and that I’ll be upset with him. Yes I get upset when I have been punished before but it has never been directed at Master, but at the punishment itself. I’ve been mad at me too. He’s just the peacekeeper; I have to bring in the peace.

I got this ‘Letter from the Universe‘ today that really spoke volumes on the whole emotional experience I’m on right now and my future thought process.

Pretty much, in all battles of the heart over the mind, go with your heart.

Because, truly, Jennifer, it’s a lot easier for your mind to catch up with your heart, than for your heart to catch up with your mind. A whole lot.

The Universe

I nodded this morning while I read it. It’s exactly right. I’ve talked recently about my heart saying I’d like to please Master and then my mind talks me out of it. I’m going to do my best to listen to my heart first and ignore the mind. It will catch on soon enough. I want my heart to lead.

This will also help me in my physical lifechanges. I want to lose weight with my whole heart but my head says I can’t, it’s self-defeating me, and always coming up with excuses. I want no more of it.

I’m going to start listening to my heart.

Read the rest of this entry »

Before I Met You

Before I met you
My life was in shambles
I survived on my dreams
And traveled a rocky road
In one instant
I was taken away with
A stolen kiss
From then on I have
Lived my life for you
All my dreams have come true
My way is now clear
You will wait for me
My life has power
Beyond words
It calls to my deepest thoughts
Spanning all crevasses
My words claim all my feelings
Down on paper, on screen, or ear
They float to you with truth
Before I met you
There was no me
Now forever we will always be
Two of us. you and me


It’s not just eating right
and exercising more,
It is a complete mental change.

While my body struggles,
My mind screams;
A fight with the bathroom scale.

A will to improve:
Make my life better,
longer and more fulfilling.

Diet is a four-letter word,
Hissed and whispered and screamed,
a temporary change made permanent

No longer a diet
it is a life, my life,
to always be concious and aware.

That eating isn’t a drug,
it’s survival
and i am learning how to live.

One day at a time,
Hour by hour I succeed.
My heart joyful, my body less heavy,

Watch out, stay aware,
Soon you will see:
New, leaner, healthier… me.

I have a writing assignment that actually was supposed to be done during my vacation week but it slipped my mind and now I’m working on it. Well, I’m thinking about it. I’m not really sure what I should say exactly. I have so many ideas swimming in my head but something is holding me back.

The question is, “Describe a ritual or service that you’ve heard/read about that you would like to implement in our relationship.”

Now, sure I have a lot of things that I’ve read about that I’d love to try and incorporate something like it into our personal D/s. I’m sure I could get terrific ideas from all of you (hint). I’ve achieved so much so far and moved closer to the perfect submissive for Master and am eager to do more.

Here’s what’s holding me back. I’ve looked at my rules list lately and I’m failing on several of these. Why would I want to add more to my list of things to do if I can’t accomplish what I already have on my plate. I understand why he wants me to answer this question; I love ritual and symbolism and he and I are certain that it helps center me emotionally and mentally.

I talk about being better all the time but I make no attempt to progress. My failure to improve irritates Master but other than be irritated I haven’t been chastised. I don’t think it’s in Master’s nature. He’s more the patient type and will watch me come around on my own.

That’s what I’m worried about. What if it takes me a really long time to get where I need to be to do these basic things for him? Why am I constantly struggling with myself? On three occasions this weekend I looked at Master and thought, “Oh I’d love to give him a blow job right now and show him that I can make him very happy without his asking.” Why didn’t I get my ass up and go do it? That negative self talk. I talked myself out of it. I need to cut it out, badly.

The good thing about this issue is that a month ago I probably wouldn’t have even had the thought or desire to do it. I’m glad it’s getting that far, but I’m ready to make the next step.


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