The key difference between S&M and Abuse, is “consent”.
Consent = Is an agreed approval of what is done and/or proposed by another.
Abuse = to use so as to injure or damage: MALTREAT

SM is

• Is based on the safe, sane, consensual theory
• SM is a controlled environment
• SM has safe words to stop the scene
• In a SM scene the dominant looks out for the well being of the submissive
• SM can be an erotic sexual encounter
• In SM both partners are enjoying themselves
• In SM the dominant respects limits
• In SM there is mutual respect
• In SM the relationship is fulfilling
• In SM both parties feel they contribute towards the relationships
• In SM one can ask their partner to “play”
• In SM relationship there is trust
• In SM a submissive voluntarily serves the dominant
• SM is about building trust
• SM builds self esteem
• SM builds the spirit of a submissive

Abuse is

• Abuse is not negotiated
• Abuse is an out of control environment
• Abuse does not have safe words
• An abuser does not give a damn about the victim
• Abuse is always one sided
• Abuse is never negotiated.
• In abuse, no one is enjoying the results
• The abuser is into non consensual violence
• The victim has no respect towards the abuser
• In abuse the victim is harmed
• In abuse both parties are left unfulfilled
• The abuser always feel they are superior
• A person does not ask for abuse
• In an abusive relationship there is no trust
• The abuser does not care for consent
• Abuse has no trust
• Abuse destroys self esteem
• An abuser destroys the spirit of the victim

Know the Difference. This is the primary importance.

–luna

Next up:

Ask luna #7: Difficulty in proving abuse in SM relationships