Blogathon went great! It was a lot harder than last year getting all of my posts written in a timely manner. I had a lot of things I wanted to say but no real plan as to researching and pulling them all together. I already told Master that I was going to do it again next year and pick a lighter, easier theme to write on. I may do the same charity though unless someone can suggest another one that wouldn’t mind my normal blog content and what I usually write about.
I’d like to say thank you to a couple of people that made the Blogathon awesome for me. First was Mija, who stepped up to post for 4 hours while I was at the local munch. She had some awesome things to say and I’m so happy that she chose to help me out. Second was a huge surpise from danae. Last week I asked her if she would be willing to make a couple icons for me to use in the posts during Blogathon. If you look in my image gallery here you can see she not only obliged but she showered me with icons!
I’ve raised almost 5oo dollars for the NLA-I DVP and with another 24 hours open for people to sponsor I could get a few more donations. I’m very happy with my efforts and I’m sure that the project will be pleased with what I’ve done.
Master was so supportive of me and he stayed up for most of it. It got really hard near the end; fighting sleep is never very good for me. He’s great.
Master noticed that we had a little bit of extra money and decided to buy a new toy. We have a Hitachi Wand on the way from JT’s Stockroom Master said it will be great in play and I can use it on him as well. I have vacation coming up next week so I’m sure we will have a chance to test it out and see just how loud I can get. (As if I’m not loud already.) Anyone have a wand already that can comment on how they like or dislike it? Any tips?
If you noticed there was no Letter to Master yesterday. I have to make that up, but it won’t be open to the public ever; sorry. I have some very personal things to talk about that well, I’m not willing to divulge on here. I’m an open person but I can have my secrets too.
This Saturday we are going to a munch in Des Moines; first one that we’ve gone to there. I hope to meet some new folks and enjoy ourselves. Master is looking forward to the demo that will follow the munch. It’s on rope bondage and if you’ve seen Master’s new blog you’ll know that is a new passion of his that I enjoy.
Until next time,
It’s been a wonderful time here bring awareness for BDSM vs. Abuse. I’ve raised almost $500 for The National Leather Association-International Domestic Violence Project. Thank you so much to all my sponsors who believed with me that change starts with just $1. I hope that throughout this event if you’ve skimmed or read my blog thoroughly you have picked something up worthwhile, something to hang on to.
I know I’ve made a few new friends and I’m happy to be considered link worthy. Thank you to all the participants that helped keep me up in the wee hours where I’d have been sleeping peacefully if there wasn’t charity involved.
A special thank you goes out to Mija, for without her I would not have been able to complete the Blogathon. She was a wonderful guest blogger and if you want to read what she wrote during her time here, you can! She is immortalized here for all time
Again, thank you. I couldn’t have done it without everyone. I shall be back next year. You can count on me.
Once again I’d like to please have you consider the wonderful cause of the NLA-I DVP. If you have but a dollar to spare it will not go wasted! You can continue to pledge and donate for a few days after the Blogathon as well; it’s never too late. In fact if you want to donate all throughout the year I’ll love you for that too. See the link up at the top of this page, go… hurry! Share the love and give to a worthy cause.
by Raven Shadowborne
This is a topic that comes up very often in discussing BDSM. It is guaranteed to cause some very emotional responses. Many try to link a submissive personality to past child abuse. Saying that a submissive personality is a psychological remnant of the past abuse. Some try to say that BDSM is just a way for survivors to continue in the victim mindset created by that past abuse. Some also say that those who are into BDSM are more likely to abuse both children and adults.
Saying that being submissive due to past abuse just doesn’t completely hold water. I believe that submission is an inborn trait. This inherent trait may preclude the person to being abused or victimized both as a child and an adult. But, from personal experience, I must say that BDSM can give the survivor the tools he/she needs to heal such abuse. By advocating SS&C, learning your own needs and those of your partner, by advocating strength and independent thought, this lifestyle teaches the submissive that she does indeed have control over what happens to her body. That she doesn’t have to be a victim and it is her choice whether or not to submit to a dominant. A victim of abuse had no choice.
By Hans Meijer
In order to get a few – indeed quoted way too often – urban legends out of the way first: scientific research shows that the number of people with a traumatic (abuse) history within the erotic power exchange group is no different from any other group.
Since the same research (European as well as American) indicates that between 20 and 50 percent of population has an abuse history, one may safely say the same goes for EPE people, doms and sub alike.
One important thing to notice here is that first of all the term “abuse” is just as vague as “car-accident” and – without a proper definition of what is considered abuse in any particular case – is useless. Abuse – apart from the very obvious cases – is first of all very personal perception by the victim (which does NOT mean to say it is a lesser form of abuse – just that different people have different perceptions) and as such, as science and experts will readily admit, is one of the most difficult things to give a definition for in any more or less general format.
Another thing to remember here is that it is very important to make a distinct difference between different forms of abuse. Juvenal trauma can not be compared to spousal abuse, rape is different for men and women and the worst thing to do is throw everything on one big pile. Which is another reason why the term “abuse” is useless and empty, because it says very little (again not meaning to say that abuse isn’t bad).
The second essay that Norische has on the subject of dangerous situation is titled, Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts- Part 2: Submissives/Slaves
She lists and gives descriptions of submissives that may pose a problem to unsuspecting dominants. Of these she lists:
- Cyber slave/sub.
- The Professional Victim slave/sub.
- The Show Piece slave/sub.
- The Fetish-Freak slave/sub.
- The Gold Digger slave/sub.
I suggest everyone take a moment and read the rest of the essay.
Norische has a couple essays that deal with warning signs of dangerous situations and people. This first one is titled: Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts – Part One: Dominants
She gives a few key things to look out for in Dominants that are bad news.
- If someone submits to you because they fear you, then you are a bully not a Dominant.
- If someone submits to you because you give him or her expensive presents then you are a pimp not a Dominant.
- If someone submits to you because you threaten to leave or abandon him or her if they refuse then you are a manipulator, not a Dominant.
- If someone submits to you because you wont leave him or her alone if they don\’t then you are a predator not a Dominant.
- If someone submits to you because you will beat him or her if they don\’t then you are an abuser not a Dominant.
I encourage everyone to go read the rest of the essay.