I have had the mother of all stressful days today. I actually spent the morning at work in a conference room crying because I was at my breaking point. My boss was on the way to do damage control and help me out. He’s such a great guy and seems to understand my personality perfectly. He said as soon as he got the email the night before he knew how I’d react and wanted to help out. I was an emotional wreck.
See, the challenge in my character is that I take my job very seriously and personally. When something goes wrong and they come to me first. I go into ‘fix-it’ mode. I couldn’t fix this quite as fast and I panicked, I got defensive over my position and words collided.
Now on Thursday when this all started going down I came home a bundle of nerves and did something I’ve only asked for on a couple of occasions. I asked Master for a spanking. I wanted to release the frustration, the anger, the hurt, the confusion, the defensiveness, you name it I wanted it gone. I knew that the typical soak in the tub was not going to help me this time. He obliged happily. Any chance to spank me he’ll take and told me that he’d help me out anytime I needed it.
We went into the bedroom so that I could lie down and relax and he started in slow. My only thought then was I just wanted him to wail into me, but also knew that I wanted a decent duration one and immediate force was not condusive to that. I enjoyed the sensation as my buzzing nerves slowly began to unravel and I started feeling better. Tears fell a little but I was silent. The pain got pretty intense for a bit and it was performing the opposite of what I needed and I was tensing up so I asked him if he could back down again. Thankfully he did.
When it was all done, I still laid there and talked to him about it and while he may not have thought I had calmed down, I sure felt better.
Friday it all came crashing back. My boss said some things that made me shake my head because I have heard them from Master over and over. “There are things you can’t control. Your personality doesn’t like that. You want to have control over every aspect of your work. When something happens that you can’t control you worry, get defensive and irrational. Try this next time something happens. Ask yourself if this is something you can control. If you say no, then back away for a bit and reflect. Handle it differently. It’s not going anywhere since you can’t control it anyway. ”
The rest of the day went okay. I don’t feel I got a lot accomplished but Friday ended and I didn’t feel as stressed out. Master took me out to dinner and I had some terriyaki stir fry. Yum! When we got him I went straight to bed.
Thank you Master for caring for me so much to see what my needs are and be there for me. I will love you always.