Master is waiting for a blowjob. He wants a full service blow job. I’ve had reasons for not doing it that have been valid up until now.
And then today I want to give him a blowjob but I don’t want it to be the full service kind. I want the opening act type. I want the huge tease leading to sex.
Why is it that when there is a difference such as this I just shut off. I talk to myself over and over, “It’s service, just do it and maybe you’ll get what you want.” “He’s been waiting for you to serve him, how hard can it be?”"Why the hell is it so hard?”
The self talk doesn’t seem to be helping. I’m still thinking that yeah it’s hard and I should be able to do it.
It’s sex for criminey sake. I want sex right? Right. So get my ass up and suck his cock right? Why in the world can’t I get past it?
Who will win? He will, he always does.*sigh*
–luna
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I'm a large, curvy, lustful submissive learning the ropes in a full time D/s relationship. My explorations with love and life and BDSM have brought me closer to the edge of pain and pleasure, deep desires for rope bondage and debauchery but moreso a desire to delve deeper into submission and service to my Master 
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“Who will win? He will, he always does.*sigh*”
yup, i know that feeling. i want so much to delete my LJ or at least never post on it again but my Master has forbidden me to delete it and ordered me to continue to post.
the only bright side is that at least He has not said that i have to post x times a week or anything like that. i was just ordered “to continue to post as usual” and as you said
He will win, He always does …