Lightbulb Moment

This is why I have friends like all of you. After my last post, which I was really short in and grumpy and all out not myself, kaya posed a question that got me thinking. Quite common when she says something though. I rarely leave her blog without thoughts of my own.

A bit of background if you didn’t read my last post. I was rather shupoofed about having to do butt plug training again that day when I hate it. I wanted to rebel and argue and fight it, I got grumpy and my attitude stank. I admitted that it felt like a moment where I had to submit and not when I wanted to. I was annoyed with myself that I was acting this way too.

Well, kaya’s voice pops into the comment box and says, “But you still submit, even when you don’t want to, right? That’s the meat of it right there. Submitting to the fun stuff is the easy part.” She’s exactly right. And yes I do submit even when I don’t want to. A year ago I would have had a tantrum, stood my ground and probably gotten into a heap of trouble.

I used to have a huge aversion to blow jobs. Now I’m okay with them, but still get hung up on the taste. I’m improving leaps and bounds though and Master is constantly looking happier and happier. I’ve earned his collar again and been able to say that I’ve not gotten into trouble since then. I’m not a perfect angel, but I’m his angel and that’s all that matters to me.

I’m sure that I will get over the grumpiness I feel when it comes to the butt plug training just as I did with blow jobs. It’s just a matter of time. I’m sure that Master had that thought when, later that night I apologized for my horrible behavior and he said, “It’s okay. You did it anyway didn’t you? ”

“What?!”

“It’s okay. Ya know, it’s what one says when they are forgiving someone.”

He has patience flowing out of all of his pores, he really does.

–luna

Possibly related posts:

1. Grumble
2. Checking In With Myself
3. When Master is Too Lenient
4. Hard Work Revisit
5. Going Pink