I’m amazed at how I can go from not enough time in the day to get work done to having so much time on my hands that I’m inventing things to do so that I don’t get bored. I feel that this is just an adjustment period and I do feel that the time will get busier but right now I could beat my head against the wall with how inactive I have been. It’s a good thing that the printers I manage are running themselves but for goodness sake I’d love for one to jam or something just to have a reason to get up off this chair!
Friday night was…. confusing for me. After I spent the evening teasing Master I knew he would be upset with me for crashing as soon as I got home. Granted it was way later than I have been up on the past and I had a feeling I’d wear out. I didn’t expect him to come into the bedroom and force himself on me. It is his right to take what he wants and I was okay with it, until he starts cramming his fingers roughly in my ass, and then proceeds to try and get his dick there. I was on full alert, in pain, crying and felt so objectified that I went beyond enjoying being used to hating it. I swore at him when he asked me what was wrong and abruptly stopped an left the room. I cried awhile and then fell fast asleep. He came back in; laid with me and gave me a choice: a blow job or ass fucking. I didn’t care that he had just cleaned his dick I was not putting it my mouth. I opted for the later if he would please make sure I was relaxed first. Object yet again I laid there and didn’t move. I didn’t care at that point what happened, I just wanted sleep.
Saturday was then very tense as I was still trying to comprehend what went on the night before. I admit I was also angry at him. He apologized for hurting me and I stayed grumpy until I went and took a nap; which he thought was crazy. I came out a bit better off and I think he was thankful of that.
I’m still trying to analyze my feelings about Friday and why it hit me like it did. I’ve always told him I love it when I’m just an object and he can use me as his slut whenever he wanted. So why did this event have to have such an emotional tearing of my heart and mental anguish I am still feeling today?