Monthly Archives: March 2007

Follow my Lead

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Next month begins a few challenges for me. First I want to get back into keeping my food diary on Fitday.com. I think it will help me keep on track with my diet. It will make me more accountable and aware of what I’m eating now that I’m working full time. Perhaps I’m not making the calorie requirement, and I know that when I do eat it’s all at the end of the day; which can’t be too healthy. Secondly, I want to push my bedtime back to 10pm and get up at 5am. This will most likely be a very difficult process. I’m tired of being tired all the time. Hopefully this will give me more time with Master in the evening and afford me the same amount of sleep that I’ve been needing. Lastly I want to get into the habit of cleaning a little every day. Right now I can’t say the last time I did some cleaning other than picking up here and there and an occasional load of dishes. I really need to change that.

I’m also hoping to get to know more of the readers of this blog. There is no real way to encourage commenting, but I would like to be able to get a glimpse into the life of those who follow mine. I’ve made comments to Master recently that my friends list on Yahoo is really short and those that are there have been there a very long time. I have no new friends and I’m aching for them. Even if it’s emailing from time to time or chatting on occasion. I’d love to get to know some of you.

I have an essay to write this week. It’s an uncomfortable one. About 2 months ago I expressed to Master a curiosity of mine in experiencing being urinated on. I’m not really sure why the curiosity came about but Master wants me to think about it and then write a little something about why I may be interested in it and how I envision it happening as well as how it may affect me. So, I’m asking you, dear readers for some of your opinions on it. Whether you’ve tried it, do it all the time, or never I’d like to know what you think about pee play of any sort. My curiosity has been spiked.

I’m almost done with Kushiel’s Dart trilogy and have a decision to make on the next book to read. I have the Harry Potter series I could read again in anticipation for the next and final book coming out this summer or I could read the treasure trove of classics my father has given me over the course of a few years. I’m sure it will be a last minute decision or a whim that decides what I read. I guess I’ll have to wait and see. I really do love that I’ve gotten into reading so much. I know that when the cable comes back on I will go back to that; hopefully doing cross stitch instead as I love that when I watch tv. Combat idleness with creativity.

I can’t even think of how this next conversation started but Master asked me if I had a coloring book. I do of course. Barbie. I love to color the barbies and add make-up to their faces, polish to the nails and enhance the dresses and stuff. I’ve not colored in a very long time. I just don’t have any crayons. I love the 64 pack so that I have every shade I could possibly imagine. Maybe I’ll have to get a new pack someday soon. I smiled at Master and told him I’d color a page for him and write “I love you Master” on it, asking him to hang it by his desk :P I’m silly but I know he’d do it. Coloring just has a peaceful healing feeling to it, it’s hard to explain unless you do it too. Who else colors?

–luna

The Friday Five

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1. If you had to choose being blind or deaf, what would you choose and why?

If I had to choose I’d rather blind. While I’d be terrified of the loss of my sight I know that I’d be more terrified if I never heard my Master’s voice again, the sound of his timbre and the emotions within his words to me. I’d miss music immensely as it fills my entire day with joy in small measures. Now this isn’t to say that the images I’d miss on a daily basis and the ease of going about the world would be forever gone I if only the sound of my Master’s voice breaks the darkness I would be complete.

2. What is the best smell?

Fresh cut grass on a Spring day

3. Would you rather be hot or cold?

Hot. I can’t stand being cold… and here I live in Iowa. I get a decent dose of both all year round.

4. What’s the worst feeling in the world?

Loneliness is the worst feeling in the world. You could be amidst 1000 people and still feel like you are the only one in the room. It’s a horrible feeling.

5. Would you rather have something hurt or something be itchy?

I’d rather something hurt than be itchy because with hurt you can become accustomed to it. I know someone that still conducts her daily routine although she has suffered from migraines everyday for 20 years. Itchy would drive me insane and it would end up hurting anyway because I would scratch it raw!

Object Analyzed

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My boss called me up this morning and asked if he could come by. I said sure, I didn’t have any fear of anything wrong, and who would say no to your boss? Well he did my annual review. I did exceptionally well for only being with the company for 7 months (annual reviews are done before April 10 for everyone, no matter when you were hired). I’m very proud to say that I got above standard on a lot of things and a 2.5% raise! :) He recommended 3.1% but payroll prorates it to how many months of employment if it’s under a year…. good to know that next year I could get the whole 3%. I’m a happy camper!

~~

Anyone know or experience cramps that if you don’t focus on them they seem worse? It’s like a knock on the door from someone when they know you are home is so much more loud and insistent then from someone that hasn’t a clue if you’ll answer. Oh boy I’m dealing with some fierce cramps today. Also I went to bed at 7:30pm last night, slept till 4:30 when the alarm went off. I am thinking it’s related to my period coming this month. If it isn’t I haven’t a clue why I needed that much sleep.

~~

I’ve had some positive thoughts on my previous post about the objectification I underwent on Friday night. I agree with the insights I’ve had. kiana brought up a question.

“Has he ever really used you like that when you have been completely, absolutely, truly not wanting it? At a time like Friday night when you were past “the mood” and, if you weren’t in a power exchange relationship, would have said no with a passion?”

The simple answer is no he hasn’t. He’s always had a care for my mental or physical state when he goes about using me. There is usually a warning on his part or an invitation on mine. Friday night was the first time that I felt absolutely used beyond my normal boundaries. The second question is a resounding yes. If he weren’t my Master and if there were no predefined roles between us then I would have shouted no, I would have struggled and definitely not let it happen. I’m sure part of me was fighting with those feelings Friday and Saturday. I’m still trying to make sure that I don’t feel the same way again and it takes a lot of reflection and reassurance that his love is still there even if at the time I am to be an object and not his girl.

Kitten also responded with a very good point. She brought up personal conditioners. They are like filters to your behavior and emotional state. Deep inside I probably had a filter for this sort of activity, like “I’ll only enjoy it if I’m in the appropriate mental/physical state.” Since neither of these filters were met on Friday it felt more against my normal limits than it could have been. I also agree with her comment;

“I know a lot of people might say “well, suck it up, you’re a slave..” but I can’t say that. If something is emotionally hurting me, I can’t just put it out of my mind and get on with it”

It was so solidly against what I wanted to be doing and where I wanted to be at the time that everything within me was screaming to stop and yet I yielded. I believe that in the yielding I proved that it was still within my limits and I will be able to overcome the emotional shock that I suffered.

I know he is there for me and cares for my emotional health sometimes more than I do. I’ve been amazed when he can see worry or stress in my face before I know something is bothering me. In relation to Friday, he may have been selfish in wanting me after I had teased him all night, but I know he also paid attention to my reactions and stopped when he knew it was hurting.

We’ve moved on and I feel better now about my place as his object on occasion. I can be his love and his girl always, but I can also be the cunt he desires and the ass he fucks. I am and always will be his. That doesn’t change no matter what my temporary role is.

–luna

PS: If you use LJ to read my blog, I have decided to change the commenting option. You must now comment on the original blog on The Iron Gate. I got 5 more comments over the weekend that I had never received notice about and I don’t like not knowing about comments so that I can comment on them. I’m sorry for those of you who don’t want to click the link to come over and comment, I will miss your thoughts. Please, consider taking that extra step when you have something to say. I do cherish all your words. Thank you in advance for those of you who do.

The Reason

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I’m amazed at how I can go from not enough time in the day to get work done to having so much time on my hands that I’m inventing things to do so that I don’t get bored. I feel that this is just an adjustment period and I do feel that the time will get busier but right now I could beat my head against the wall with how inactive I have been. It’s a good thing that the printers I manage are running themselves but for goodness sake I’d love for one to jam or something just to have a reason to get up off this chair!

Friday night was…. confusing for me. After I spent the evening teasing Master I knew he would be upset with me for crashing as soon as I got home. Granted it was way later than I have been up on the past and I had a feeling I’d wear out. I didn’t expect him to come into the bedroom and force himself on me. It is his right to take what he wants and I was okay with it, until he starts cramming his fingers roughly in my ass, and then proceeds to try and get his dick there. I was on full alert, in pain, crying and felt so objectified that I went beyond enjoying being used to hating it. I swore at him when he asked me what was wrong and abruptly stopped an left the room. I cried awhile and then fell fast asleep. He came back in; laid with me and gave me a choice: a blow job or ass fucking. I didn’t care that he had just cleaned his dick I was not putting it my mouth. I opted for the later if he would please make sure I was relaxed first. Object yet again I laid there and didn’t move. I didn’t care at that point what happened, I just wanted sleep.

Saturday was then very tense as I was still trying to comprehend what went on the night before. I admit I was also angry at him. He apologized for hurting me and I stayed grumpy until I went and took a nap; which he thought was crazy. I came out a bit better off and I think he was thankful of that.

I’m still trying to analyze my feelings about Friday and why it hit me like it did. I’ve always told him I love it when I’m just an object and he can use me as his slut whenever he wanted. So why did this event have to have such an emotional tearing of my heart and mental anguish I am still feeling today?

–luna

Learn about Me

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meme stolen from pup

1. Sex is best in the morning, afternoon, or night? Morning. Now if only Master were a morning person.

2. What side of the bed do you sleep on? The side closest to the bathroom or the door leading to it. I have terrible night vision and fear stubbing my toe more than anything.


3. Pork, Beef, or Chicken? Chicken

4. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke? I had the taxi I was in do that… I was on my way to the hospital where I was diagnosed with salmonella poisoning.

5. What leg do you put in pants first when putting them on? Right

6. Candles or Incense? Both!

7. Do you dance when no one is watching? Yes and often people are ;)

8. Did you play doctor when you were little? Yes and loved it.

9. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money? Um…. I don’t think so

10. Stove top cooking or microwave? Stovetop. The microwave is for warming water for hot chocolate and little else.

11. Would you rather your car or your house be dirty? Car.

12. Shower or bath? Shower, but all I have is a bath….

13. Do you pee in the shower? No

15. Mexican or Chinese food? Chinese.

16. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed? Agressive.

18. Do you own sex toys? Yep.

19. Corn Dogs or Hot Dogs? Corn dogs hands down.

20. Your favorite restaurant? Texas Roadhouse

21. What did you have for lunch today? Tacos

23. When did you last fall down? Luckily I don’t remember.

24. Have you ever wished someone were dead? Yes.

25. Love or Money? Love.

26. Credit Cards or cash? Cash.

27. Has there ever Been anyone in your family you wish wasn’t? Yes.

28. Oreos or Vanilla Wafers? Oreos, they taste better in milk.

29. How do you like your steak cooked? Medium rare

30. How do you like your eggs cooked? scrambled or omelette

31. Have you ever knocked someone off their feet in a fight? Yes

32. Would you rather go camping or to a 5 star hotel? Hotel

33. Would you rather have a root canal or minor surgery? Surgery. I hate mouth pain.

34. Would you shave your entire body (including your head) for money? Yes

35. Would you rather have lice or an STD? Lice.

36) Whats your favorite hard candy? Old Fashioned ribbon candy at Christmas!

37) Ever been to a strip club? No

38) Ever been to a bar? Yes.

39) Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club? No

40) Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere? No

41) Kissed someone of the same sex? No

43) Had sex in the car? Yes

44) Had sex at the beach? Yes

45) Had sex in a movie theater? Gave a hand job

46) Had sex in a bathroom? Yes.

48) Have you ever been in an “adult” store? Yes.

51) Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with? No

52) Have you been caught having sex? Yes

54) Have you ever kissed a stranger? Yes.

55) Does anyone have naughty pics of you? Yes.

…

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Master is frustrated. All night we’ve been hanging out with friends, I’ve been teasing and frisky and now that we are home I’m crashed. I don’t think I can fulfill my tease. I don’t know what to do other than blog about it. I’m sure he’s also mad about the 8 doors I didn’t hold for him and god knows what else I didn’t do. I guess I just don’t deserve to be up late at night. Or with friends.

*sigh*

I’m going to bed before I cause any more trouble.

–luna

The Friday Five

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From The Friday Five

1. If you could suddenly speak one language fluently (that you don’t currently speak) what would it be?

It would be ancient Egyptian so that I could translate all the heiroglyphics!

2. If you were to suggest a foreign film, that you really enjoyed, what one would you suggest?

Like Water For Chocolate


3. If you had to call another country home (other than the one you currently live in) what one would you choose?

England. It would be a strange place for me, but Master would be right at home.

4. If you went out to buy an import music CD, what one would you buy?

Um… no clue
5. If you were to chose an ethnic dinner, what would it be?

Is French an ethnic dinner? I love ( most) French food!

Friends

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This week marked a landmark in my weight loss struggles. I reached my lowest weight in 5 years. I do hope that I didn’t gain it all back but will have to wait till next week to weigh again to know for sure. I was very happy to say the least and hopeful that I will continue to see progress.

I’ve been sleeping poorly lately. Tossing and turning and waking in the middle of the night. I can’t explain why other than dreams that bother me. My best friend has been over 1400 miles away for over 2 years and I’ve seen her one day in all that time. I miss her dearly, very dearly. The dreams I had were of us spending time together like we always did. Chatting, sharing dinner with each other and enjoying just being friends. I woke last night after several dreams seemed so very real. The waking shocked me to reality and I cried. I wanted to weep hard but didn’t want to wake Master. Which I failed in doing anyhow. He comforted me the best he could and I know that there are times he feels very homesick and there is nothing I can do for him either.

I cry as I write this because I’ve never felt so in need of a friend close by to be with. My best friend calls me almost daily and we’ve been known to talk for hours at a time about nothing. We cling to the friendship that has been solid for 17 years. She knows of my life now and respects my choices; even remarking that my behavior has changed and she likes it. What are best friends for if not to embrace us as we are?

I have no other friends nearby that understand me like she does. I wish for it, but have found none.

She has not seen me since I started losing weight. I’m down 45 lbs now and hope to be another 45 lbs in a year. I’m feeling so much happier with myself and I can see the future should be good if I can continue on this road I’m on.

I have dreams; dreams that one day we will see each other again and for that I have no words except that I know it will happen. I have dreamed it so.

–luna

Mundane

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My Master toils hard today to try and finish a job that he knows will help feed us and bring us into some comfort. It has been a long time coming but I can see an end in sight that just may be getting closer. I work hard all day and hope to not have to work at night; something that Master hasn’t expressed a dislike in. I will use the advantage as long as I can.

I started a new book yesterday, Kushiel’s Dart by Jacquelyn Carey. It’s a wonderful story that I read some 2 years ago when I borrowed them from a friend. I’m already on page 550 of 900 if that says anything to the wealth of the book. It’s a story you get swept up in and don’t want to put it down. To say that there are 2 more books of the same series and I hear there are 2 more offshoots makes me very happy indeed. It’s a wonder I miss the tv at all. I’ve really enjoyed the stories I’ve been rereading.

I fear that this post is going to be so mundane compared to the writings of recent past. I don’t know what to say right now on any subject. I’ve been reading other blogs and you are also bantering about the thoughts that I have. I guess with comfort I can say I have a weekly assignment again; due this Sunday. It’s about my goals as a submissive. Should be rather trying to write as I have to face what may and may not come of my future.

–luna

To come or not to come…

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It appears that all this time I thought I was pleasing Master ultimately lead to me being displeasing. Allow me to explain.

Upon becoming Master’s own he gave me the rule that I was not to come without permission. One that I have stuck to as a sacrament. I have never broken that rule. For me it would be like failing him and that is something I can not do. He knows this. Honestly though, it’s so hard sometimes. I have had to learn to reign in my desire to just let go; to allow myself to release at will and feel the pleasure that I know ebbs and flows in me. Yes it has chastened my desire, to say the least.

In my recent post I stated that I once was able to come from blow job and once by the crop in delicious pain. (This sentence has since been removed.) This gave Master a huge pause and he questioned why he has not been able to bring about that occurrence with me. He seemed very bothered and when I asked him to talk about it his questions got me very angry. Yes I yelled at him, I tossed angry words in his face. I was angry because that one sentence had no bearing on the entire post and I took it to mean that he didn’t understand the importance of that page. Of course I was very wrong.

This lead to a stinted discussion about how my feelings were with these men who were able to bring about this reaction in me and why he can’t seem to do it himself. I connected it with my need to control my desire in his presence and that needing to ask permission to come, even if it is never denied me, would hinder my free feeling that occurred in these moments where I was just able to be in the moment and feel as I wanted to feel. I know that having to ask permission would completely kill the mood formed by the moments where the orgasms happened and I won’t dare come without command to do so; I’ve always been afraid of the punishment, even if I haven’t a clue what it is.

Admittedly these relationships were shallow and self serving. One was a play partner; my first experience with BDSM were with him. He brought me to the brink with a wicked hand on a crop to my ass and thighs. The other was just a sexual playmate, one I saw maybe 4 times altogether. I had no other real attachment to these men. In fact I can’t remember the sexual partner’s name. Now anyone can see who is a SM bottom why I felt differently with these men than with Master. After play was done, they went home. I was free to live my life as I knew it to be and had no reason to fear disappointing them beyond the bedroom. Master and I have a complete lifestyle relationship where we are in role as best as possible all the time. I am attached to him more than I have with anyone before. He is the reason for living right now and he knows that.

So to allow myself to release my control on my sexual desire is precarious. I don’t expect to understand why I feel I need to be careful and not feel as fully as I know I can. I just know that Master has now made it imperative that I do so. I have also been informed that there is no punishment for coming without permission, it’s just a game in sex that he likes to make sure he can control it somewhat. I admit this is going to be hard. I have had to work hard to make sure not to come accidentally; and now he wants me to liberate my desires once more.

I don’t know how I am going to go about this. I do know that it will take time; like everything else I try to work into my training. Working hard I’m sure he and I will be rewarded someday.

–luna

The Friday Five

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1. What’s your favorite shade of green?

Deep dark forest green

2. Do you wear green on St. Patrick’s Day, and if not, do you ever get pinched?

I occasionally wear green, but don’t really care. I have gotten pinched and generally don’t mind ;)

3. Do you do anything else to celebrate the holiday?

Nope, it usually flies on by without a thought.

4. Have you ever consumed a green beer (or any other alcoholic beverage dyed green)?

I don’t like alcohol and it doesn’t like me.

5. Do you have a good luck charm, and if so, what is it?

Nope, gee these were boring questions this week, weren’t they?

–luna

Titty Squeeze

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There is something so deliciously painful about a titty squeeze. kaya had a fantastic picture of her and her Master squeezing her breasts with vampire gloves. Master today did something that I just love. While he is fucking me he squeezes my breasts so hard they feel like they are going to burst. It’s a flashing pain that just makes my pussy drip. For someone who hates nipple clamps this has me in wonder. I just love it. Tonight I can feel the deep tissue bruising start and they ache, wonderful ache. I hope he never stops doing that.

Second session of sex brought a massive spanking, nails dragged down my back and some fierce bitting of my back. Oh lord I thought I was in pain/pleasure heaven. Then fisting *grin* Being the wonderful Master that he is, I got to come, not once but twice! Mmmm, he’s so good to me.

It’s amazing I’m writing so coherently right now because I feel like I’m on cloud nine and Master’s with me. I’m reliving the pain as I sit here, my ass sore, my back raw and my body satisfied. Anyone else get a sex headache? Wow those ae whoppers, arent they?

So, quick question…. if you are into fisting… how long does it take you to get back into tight pussy shape? Generally for me it’s 3-4 days, but that just could be because of the size of his hands. Anyone?

–luna

Countdown

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I sit here in a countdown. As I’ve shared; I’m in some form of butt plug training, however without an appropriate butt plug that stays in place it’s quite a challenge. My ass muscles are playing ‘ins and outs’ with my plug in a never ending effort for comfort. I have 30 mins. I’m very glad I have ONLY 30 mins. So this countdown is until I can move, get up, loose the butt plug and count myself a happy submissive who obeyed her Master; forsaking all personal comforts. I can not wait until we can get a butt plug that is more comfortable, will stay seated and well…. will allow me to continue my activities without having to park my ass in a chair for the duration. I dream of ‘comfortable’ butt plugs and an ability to continue them without too much interruption to my activities. Is that too much to ask for?

I’ve been reading some of the other blogs out there, and you guys are getting really philosophical and though-provoking. I can’t compete at all. I can say that you have certainly given this girl a lot to ponder. Like what is a stupid submissive (slave)? kaya brought this up a long while ago and I still wonder if even a very intelligent submissive can be ‘stupid’. Is it a trained naiveness that is learned? Is it a form of being in blind faith? You follow because the trust is so deep, you are completely committed to being with this person and doing as they say that your care for yourself is lower on the ladder. Yeah yeah I’m rambling. I don’t make any sense because I’m still figuring it out of course.

Is TPE possible, and if so what is it to me? This is a hard one because right now I don’t see me in a TPE relationship. I do know that TPE could be possible in anyone’s relationship that truly wants it. I know I read blogs where the author is in what I define a TPE relationship. TPE is when the submissive has given all she has to her Dominant and their life is completely structured for the pleasure of the Dominant. The submissive has no ‘rights’ or has handed them over to her Dominant. It’s that kind of relationship. (Please note that the roles can be She/he as well.)

Are we under the same obligations in our relationship as ‘non-kinky’ folks? This came to me as a thought when I read comments say, ‘well you could always leave him’. The reply is not so!. Now what I see from this is a commitment and life so much stronger than what I’ve ever experienced. I’m not saying that you can’t have that sort of commitment in a non-kinky relationship, but I feel they are harder to come by or not as evident. You stand in a room with a kinky couple and you know they are utterly committed to living differently, to each other and the life they lead. I don’t know, this is hard to explain with the ‘in and out’ game going on. *sigh*

I don’t promise to get back to these topics, or think out loud any further on them. I did want to jot these things down while they were fresh in my head though. I know I may get negative comments and that’s fine. I don’t claim to know or understand any of these topics. These are just ramblings. MY ramblings.

–luna

Letter to Master 3-11-07

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Dear Master,

This week has been fantastic for us. We’ve been able to play intensely and spend time being just together. I’m still adjusting to full-time work and I know you are too. We have more struggle before we reach the end.

The playtime we had was wonderful and I know we both got what we needed from it and each other. you are right thta writing abotu it helps me process it and gives you an insight into how it effects (affects?) me. I hope to continue the writing and sharing about our play.

Our time together is so much more important t because I am working longer hours. I hope to soon be able toto mkae it to my bedtime without wanting to pass out early. I want to be able to extend my precious time with you. I’m finding it hard to make sure every second I spend with you is very important, perfect, and right.

Back to play thoughts… I know we’ve remarked that it’s hard to leave marks on me. But I was just thinking, the physical marks may be great to look at, poke and pinch, whine and wince, but they fade and go away. The marks that matter are those in my heart and head. They never go away. They build and glow with every passing day into the love and happiness I feel in your arms.

–luna

High Flying Adored

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I’ve been flying through books this year and I’m only in the 3rd month. Just one more book of the Vampire Chronicles and I can move on to the Kushiel’s Dart Series I bought myself over Christmas. Maybe then I’ll read Harry Potter again before the last one is released. It’s amazing how much I have missed reading for leisure and I do it all the time now. It could come from not having tv to watch or from my general inability to sit in front of the computer for long anymore (maybe because so much of my day is in front of the computer). Either way I do love that I’m reading again.

Today I’ve had a headache that just won’t quit. It’s been pounding the frontal lobe of my brain all afternoon and even know it’s like a whisper of pain every time I strain to see or go too long without blinking. It’s odd but I know that it will go away shortly.

Master has asked me to get back into doing the butt plug training that has sat on the side for a bit due to the poor condition of my stomach… so to speak. I have to put it on after my blog here is done. Hopefully I can endure it without incident. I really hate the butt plug training. I know Master knows. I also feel that if I had butt plugs more comfortable to wear then I would wear them easier, with less whining about it.

Master has been great about doing some housework while I’m at work and I’m so grateful. He’s wonderful. I feel so loved and cared for. He told me again today that he missed me and while it tears my heart out that I was away for work, I know that the reunion every night when I come home is peaceful and wonderful. He cares so much.

–luna

Taking

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Master commented after my post a few days ago about the spanking we had, that he likes when I post about the play because I don’t generally talk about it with him. He gave a good analogy but right now I can’t seem to remember what it was. The gist was that if I don’t talk about it he doesn’t know how it affects me of how I thought about it. I have refrained from posting much about the playtime we engage in only because I don’t want it to be the main focus; if I want to read erotica and smut there are plenty of places I can find that. I also know that ONLY writing about playtime would take away from the real reason this blog is here: to share my submissive feelings and grow within my role. But, that being said, I think I will try to share bits and pieces of play, and how I’m feeling and reacting so that he can see. Aren’t you lucky readers!

Last night was one of those intense sessions that was spontaneous and unexpected. In fact I had said to Master that I was really tired and not in the mood for sex. He seemed put off, but then I said, “But if you want to use me as a cunt, I am available.” I think in my mind I wanted to make sure he knew that even when I say I’m not in the mood that he can have me if he really wants me. It’s like the closing of a door, opens a window (not to totally corrode the quote “When God closes a door he opens a window”). He took it.

“I’m going to take what I want.”

I was prepared for rough sex, just taking whatever he gave, but he had more in mind. Rummaging through the toybox instantly I was curious and hoping my sleepiness didn’t affect whatever he was planning. He pulled out wrist cuffs, blindfold, gag small spreader bar and ear plugs. Oh Lord, a whole sensory deprivation trip. Honestly I was game.

He got me all trussed up with the wrist cuffs threaded through the spaces in our headboard, the spreader bar attached to them so that I couldn’t reach my other hand if I wanted to. Blindfold was tightly in place and the gag stretched my mouth open and muffled my noises. The ear plugs were crammed in my ears and I was in total silence, dark and unable to speak either. It was instant subbie space; it really was. I laid there in wait.

Then I felt cold metal on my chest. The horrible clover clamps came out. I hate those things more than I care to admit. Yes they are pretty, yes they look nice when I’m not moving, but I knew what he had in mind. He was going to fuck me hard and watch my tits bounce and the pain that I would be feeling as the clamps yanked on my nipples was not to be looked forward to. On they went and he mounted me almost immediately.

Whimpers could not be loud enough for me. I couldn’t reach my poor boobs, I sure tried. One hand down while the other was way up, and then the other switched places. Not really reaching them but somehow providing mental comfort to my aching tits. He pulled the chain and I saw stars. Flashing in front of me behind the blindfold I thought I was going to loose my nipples. The fucking was great, the nipples objected. He took them off OUCH.

~~ on a side, I do like breast play, and I my nipples are usually very insensitive to gentle play. I guess it’s a balance I haven’t gotten used to yet, but I do hope someday I will.

Now he fucked me hard, and bent my legs almost up over my head. This sent me through a loop. As anyone who has a bit extra in the middle knows, you fold yourself in half like that and you cut down the amount of space your lungs can expand. I was gasping. Now the gag didn’t aid in that at all in fact I was struggling to take in breath fast enough for the gasps exhaling me just as quickly. I admit I did panic there a bit. We’ve never even discussed breath play at all and due to my fear of suffocating I don’t even sleep with the sheet over my face. This sent me through a loop. He peaked under my blindfold, still jamming away at my cunt and asked if I was okay, at least I think that’s what he said. I blinked and mumbled. Hopefully he got that I was just trying to breathe but my mental state was fine.

This went on for awhile, pretty good in my state and then he pulled out and I could feel his cum coating my pussy lips. He didn’t even allow me the pleasure of feeling him cum inside me (which I love!). I felt completely owned.

He untied me and released me from my dark, silent prison. We cuddled for awhile and told me what a good girl/slut I was. I was just enjoying my Master and assured that I was in the perfect place. Right there by his side.

–luna

The Friday Five

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1. If you could retroactively erase one TV show from the history of entertainment, which one would you choose?

The Flavor of Love — Master explained it best. It’s car crash tv. You shouldn’t gawk at it because it might be horrible, but you can’t help it because you want to see just how horrible it is.

2. Are you more like your mother or your father?

Oh god… um… Father… *sigh* He’s the lesser of two evils I think.


3. If you could take a year-long vacation, what would you do?

Wow, now let’s see…. I’d delve more deeply into my service of Master. I’d take all the time I could to make sure that he was happy entirely and that I was closer to that perfect goal.


4. Can you think of a reason not to answer this question?


5. What’s the nicest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

Um, shouldn’t this question be asked to those I’ve done nice things to? Ask them not me, I’m not going to fluff my own feathers.

–luna

PS: Real post to come as soon as I can collect some thoughts.

The One

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I have had someone ask me a question, so I thought I’d answer in a post. Especially since I think this is going to take some thought.

How did you know that he was the one for you?

Well the simple answer is, “I didn’t.” There were a lot of cues that we were similar and had a lot of good things going on. We were online friends first. You can read how we met on this blog, here. We talked and knew each other for almost a year before we decided to take it to the next step.

When he arrived here and I welcomed him into my life I came with a lot of baggage. Part of me thought that he wouldn’t accept it and I would have to try my hardest to purge my past. In the beginning that was the case. He’s more accepting now; probably because he knows I’m not going anywhere. He’s given me a lot of reasons to know that he doesn’t plan on taking off any time soon.

We are great together. We rarely argue, haven’t fought really and we can be independent and still depend on each other. Our lives seem to work so well within this house I don’t think I could ask for better. He is my dream mate. And if I don’t say it enough, “Master, I love you.”

But the truth is…. I thought my ex husband was the one a long time ago too. I could have sworn it if you had asked then. If I think too hard about if I think Master is the one now, I have a hesitancy to say yes. I think it’s mainly because I don’t want to break what we have going. I am afraid to open my heart to the possibility that he’s the one or that he might not be.

Only time will tell if he really is the one for me. I know that I want him to be the one, I need him to be the one; I just can’t let myself accept it. I love him so completely. It has to be all that there is. Nothing about soul mates, or only one partner… just the here and now and right now, I’m his forever, truly and completely. Owned.

–luna

Zig a zig Ahhhh!

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Master and I played on Sunday night. It was a wonderful spanking. Nothing too complex. Just my ass, Master’s hand and a few other choice tools. I love it when he starts with his hands though, he remembers to rub my butt a bit in between spanks. It’s a sharp stinging pain that I find so delicious and sinful. I love to hate it. That is until…

He pulls out that wooden paddle. That thing is ominous and scary, thuds in his hand, makes my ass sing. Holy cow did I take it well and he said he hasn’t gotten further with it before now. No matter how he swings it, it’s going to hit my entire ass, not just one side, it doesn’t favor the left or right. I just feel the flat of it across both my big ass cheeks.

Master’s favorite toy is the octocrop…. so named because it’s a bunch of rubber ‘shoelaces’ at the end of a crop handle. Stings like…. wow, it’s hard to place. It just stings. It’s wonderful on pussy lips and great on the breasts, but OMG did it make my ass sting. Especially after it was warmed up from the paddle. I was hissing through my teeth with every slap.

All in all I had a wonderful time. Master got farther than we have in a while (since my trust issues surfaced). It was great. I know he’s aching for more, but it looks like the weekend is when we may have the available time. Let’s hope so.

–luna

Manic Monday

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Work was so very busy! I can’t imagine doing all that I did today in just 4 hours; thank God I now have 8. I look forward to finally getting everything done that I’ve always wanted to. Now to just catch up on my sleep pattern… (Suze promises that it will get better, someday….) It won’t happen this weekend darn it; Daylight Savings Time starts and we loose an hour. Oh well. I’ve always been someone who needed lots of sleep, I’m reminded by my best friend.

Master has taken to calling me a good girl quite often. I try my hardest and I guess that is what earns me the praise. I do feel that I’m progressing slowly and I know that I’d be moving faster if I had more time at home to please him. But then that’s just the eager submissive in me.

I’ve added several new blogs to the sidebar. Reading them has been a treat; some fresh new thoughts and opinions. I do love a blog that not only shares but discusses topics. Makes me think, ya know?

Last week’s writing assignment was on Punishment Behavior. I don’t react well to being punished and Master wanted me to think about how I’m supposed to respond and why my current behavior is not appropriate. Honestly this was a hard topic, but I made it short and to the point. I think he wanted more from it, but I just came out of it asking more questions. I left it as is, maybe I’ll add more to it at another date.

Danae is doing a question month on her blog. I’ve never gotten any questions asked to me or I’d do one myself. Granted, it doesn’t have to be a special month of anyone to ask me questions :P So, feel free to ask me anything. I’m game.

–luna

–luna