November 2006

You are currently browsing the monthly archive for November 2006.

Change of Plans

If you’ve followed my diet journal you know that for the past 6 months I’ve been struggling to get below 302. I’m really stuck and have been at a loss for what to do to help me get going again. I brought these concerns to Master just over 2 weeks ago because even though it’s not a rule that I need to loose weight he supports my choice to become healthier. He has also expressed a desire to get back into working out and eating healthier is always encouraged.

Really we’ve been eating really poorly lately, primarily due to the lack of funds. There’s only so many things you can get when you’ve got pennies in your pocket. But now we are ready to sacrifice other things so that we can eat better, work out more and become healthier. Maybe that might stir my loosing again.

As a part of this plan, Master is my workout buddy. Three times a week he and I work out for 30 mins (to start). Right now he and I do different things but I’m sure at some point we want to go to a gym again. Dreams are great though and one day we will go back to the gym and I will definitely be loosing then. I loved the gym. I do the DVD workouts I have right now. Master likes to walk.

I also have a few rules when it comes to food. I have to ask Master before I eat anything. He will decide if it’s within my realms or not. Basically he’s my concious. I am also not allowed to detour on my way home from work to stop at the store for anything. If I have an errand I have to ask Master first, and he has been coming with me most days.

Maybe I’ll get under 300 by the end of the year. I have 6 lbs to go. While that seems tough it is possible under healthy conditions. Here goes nothing right?


Libido Slump

I’ll never understand why my libido waxes and wanes so aggressively. Just last week I was insatiable, to the point that my sex was throbbing and aching and I was begging to be left alone. Now I’m even anti touching unless it’s a hug or a kiss. I just can’t explain it. I’m really disturbed by it. While I realize that no one (other than kaya_s Master) can be the energizer bunny, I would like to think that I could try to keep up with Master’s need for sex and sexual attention. No, not me. I’m a dud.

I actually don’t miss masturbation anymore, in fact I don’t crave an orgasm very often. Even when I know it’s Master’s intention sometimes I just don’t want it. What in the world is going on with me? I used to live on 4 o’s a day…. now it’s more like one a week unless my libido is through the roof. My pleasure should be Master’s to decide, but why is it that I try to avoid contact with him for that?

Sex even seems like a chore lately or *gulp* disgusting? I hope this feeling subsides soon as I know for a fact that I happen to love sex, fucking, and everything else we do between the sheets. Maybe I just need a good discipline style spanking?

I’ve found a new project to keep me busy into the dying hours of many a boring day/night. I’m not going to share much about it just yet but trust me it will be fun, exciting and *cross fingers* useful for everyone. Yes, it’s a website.. what else do I do with my time? :P

My job is discussing the possibility at maybe raising my hours to hopefully full time. (Gee does that sound like it’s totally up in the air or what.) I can hope, pray, meditate over it, but it’s really out of my hands. Full time work would mean no more struggling to pay bills on time, no more putting off new pants to pay that electric bill or eating hotdogs for a week straight because they were the only thing you could afford. I don’t know how long it would take for them to decide one way or the other, but it is promising nonetheless. As promising as it might rain tonight (chances are 50/50).

Master and I are working on my diet again together this time. He is my workout partner 3 days a week so that I can get my 90 mins a week in (goal is 3 hours a week by Spring). He also has issued a rule, decree, whatever that whenever I eat I have to get approval first. He is in essence in control of whatever I put in my mouth. It’s hard, very hard but he’s keeping me on track and that’s what I need right now until I can start loosing again. The motivation to continue will come when success is at my door once again. I love Master so much for stepping up to the plate to do that for me.


The Day After

I hope everyone’s Thanksgiving went well. Master and I spent a nice day at home with no work, no stress (other than my usual cooking stress) and it was great. It would have been better had my pussy not still been sore from 3 days ago when Master and I went all out with so much sex every which way that I was totally out of commission. Not that I didn’t mind it one bit!

I’m hoping for some more play this weekend, as last week’s was a flop. It’s all about connection, you know. Master and I connect through play; it brings out the submissive in me and the dominant in him. We are stronger in our roles, our bodies sing for each other and afterwards we maintain this high for hours or days that is just wonderful. I’ve not reached what I’d call subspace with Master, but I get that hazy feeling and I’m close; I can tell it’s close. One day I will zone for him.

I’d like to thank pure_blue for the suggestion of using mints while giving a blowjob. It has rocked Master’s world and made my phobia a bit more tolerable. I actually enjoyed the last one I gave, and trust me; I used Altoids so if it wasn’t going to work with them, it was hopeless. Mmmm, thank you again!

I’ve been looking around at links that I have saved everywhere and those referenced by others in the lifestyle. I never really realized how many have Castle Realm as a good link, but as I look through it, it’s hard to navigate, outdated in places and while I appreciate it as a memorial to a girl I’ll never know, it’s not great on different viewpoints. What is it about that particular website that makes it a good reference? Anything I can take into thoughts of upgrades for my own Iron Gate? I’m also changing Sensual Service. It’s not really gone on well as a forum style/community based website. I’m going to be changing things so that it is more resource oriented. Of course who knows when all this will occur and I’d love ideas for that site as well. Journal Prompts as done spectacularly.

Tomorrow is a munch and I’m hoping to see some people there. It’s a holiday, ya know, don’t know really if it will bring out people or keep them at home. Only time will tell. I really like having a munch group nearby, even if it means that I’m running it. Oh well. I enjoy the company of friends and the conversation that comes up.

Anyone else feel supremely bored when there is so much to do and not enough desire to do it? I’ve been battling that all day (along with web coding annoyance). I guess tomorrow I need to knuckle down and get things done.


Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Enjoy :)


Gratitude. I see it in Gratitude Tuesdays on blogs all over the web. I see it in cards and stories this time of year. Sadly, I rarely see it throughout the year; some reason it’s only now, when it’s “scheduled” or “planned”. I’ve been reflecting lately on what I’m grateful for and how I can express that throughout the year so that I don’t put off what is important to life for one special day.

I can make sure to say thank you whenever the occasion arises. Master is certainly trying to enforce that with me anyhow; please and thankyous are very important to my submission to him. He won’t have a unmannerly submissive and I am doing my best to make it more natural. My family was never very strong on manners and etiquette. Not surprising if you knew my family. I will endeavor to make manners important to me in the coming months so that I am showing my gratitude for even the small things.

I’d like to develop a different attitude towards all things; I’d like to stop being grumpy and worry wart when it comes to situations that are less than favorable. Perhaps if I can see the good in things that may seem bad that it won’t affect me so much. I’m thinking this would be good to implement when it comes to finances. I’m such a worry wart and we’ve made it by just fine for months now. I need to see the good things in life and not reflect on the difficult challenges.

I’d like to take my diet to the next level and be grateful for improvements and effort. I’d like to set up a rewards system for when I do well. I’ve fallen so far behind on what I was doing well like drinking all my water, eating balanced meals and stopping all food at 7:30 every night. They may seem like goals, but I can be grateful that I have the desire to loose weight and that I can do it; Master will be there and I will change. I’m grateful for the chance to change.


I posted a topic on my local group’s list about gratitude in this lifestyle. I asked people to share 5 things that they are grateful for in BDSM and talk a bit about why you are grateful for it. I’ve had a couple of responses so far, but I’d like to share mine here.

1. Communication. I’m grateful that this lifestyle promotes openness in relationships, community and events. Communication should be a part of everyday life, however we all know of someone that has kept secrets from their partners and friends, lived in a relationship where they were unhappy because the don’t talk about things with their partner, and lies being told all around when secrets are being kept. I’m so thankful that my relationship is full of communication and that this lifestyle promotes sharing and open discussion of anything and everything.

2. Toys. I’m thankful that the items we use during play are called toys, they bring us joy like childhood toys and they bring us pain and pleasure as adults. I’m thankful that we call what we do it in a play space. What other lifestyle promotes having fun with each other in this manner where you can be anyone, do anything and call it playing. The spirit of happiness and fun is fulfilling and wonderful for everyone.

3. Internet. I’m grateful for the internet for it brought me to the realization that what I was feeling years ago was normal and that there were kinky people all over that I could talk to and get to know. I’m thankful that there are wonderful knowledge based websites with information and viewpoints of varying degrees. I’m grateful for the chat rooms where I first began to explore and had my first collar/relationship as well as where I found Master; my love and world.

4. Acceptance. I’m very grateful that this lifestyle is accepting of all people and viewpoints. I’m happy that no matter what you look like, how kinky you are or who you are with isn’t looked upon as a reason to snub you. We welcome all to our groups and meeting places in hopes of creating unity and community.

5. Large events. I’m thankful that there are people and groups willing to organize regional/national events for BDSM folks to attend, learn and grow within themselves. While I’ve not been to an event yet; I hope to do so in the future and know that the experience there is not comparable to anything that I may learn here at home.

These are some of what I’m thankful for in this lifestyle. What are you thankful for?


Sugasm #55

This Week’s Picks
To Tell or Not to Tell… (
“Jane Falling claims it’s best not to tell, and she writes, ‘my identity as a prostitute is too serious a secret to trust with near-strangers.’”

Anti-Anti-Pornography, Part II (
“One question I would like to ask them is – were there any rape or child abuse cases *before* the invention of pornography?”

To Shave or Not to Shave (
“I stayed full bush for about my first two weeks as a live adult host.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Silence is better than bullshit (unless you’re a Gold-level member) (

Editors’ Choice
Pillow Talk: Interview with Razor Ryan (

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
50 Sexual Things About Me (
Fun With Futanari (
I’m So Tired (
Rediscovering the Secret to Great Sex (

NSFW Pics (& videos)
Alison & Peachez (video) (
Chelsea (4) (video) (
Hotel Rendezvous (video) (
Jennifer Kotwal (
Mistress Natali Demore (Awesome ass!) (video) (
Nora Marlo (

Sex Work
A Soft Click (

Sex & Politics
RANT: Show Me The Pussy! (

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Buttered Up (
A Cure for Kleptomania? (
Down the Coast, Part II (
Flying Buttons (
Frenetic (
A holiday to remember. (
A Little Bit of Madness (
Mr Henry Recommends… (
Outdoor Sex (
Recipe for Suck Sex (
Saturday Night Fun a la The Wife (
Sharing her… (
Starfucker: My First Time Watching Sex (

Sexy Humor
5 Reasons Why Porn Made Sex Better (

BDSM and Fetish
Correction (
Fiction or Not, You Tell Me? (
He’s Got the Look (
HNT: Have a nice day! (
A Nawty Story: Kitten Comes Clean (
Retribution (
Sadism and domestic violence (

Sex Advice, News, Reviews & Interviews
Free Shipping for your Holiday Shopping! (
An Herbivores Guide to Safe Sex (
Pillow Talk: Interview with Razor Ryan (
Revolutionary Cybersex (
Threesome Advice (part 1) (video) (

Flogging. It’s a play activity that I take to like a fish to water. I love the feeling of it, the pure sensation, the rhythm of the falls, the sound of leather or rubber against flesh. It’s so erotic to me and lets me relax and ease myself into that sweet space I love so much.

Master placed the cuffs on my wrists in preparation. He was gentle and yet reserved. I knew he was preparing for a good day as well. He has been practicing his swings and control over the floggers all week and I know he wants to get really good at it. I was anxious to feel the results of his practicing. Carefully he tied my wrist up to the eyebolts in our ceiling, making sure not to stretch my poor shoulder our of alignment.

He touched me, caressed my back and ass; warming me to the sensations of his touch. I was alight with sensation and anticipation. He spanked me, soft at first, they felt mild and gentle. Then harder, sharper almost biting into my virgin flesh. Virgin only because it was not warmed up yet, but he was to resolve that soon enough.

The first falls of the flogger were delicious, my nerves rewarded with a great feeling of relaxation in the pain the thudded into me, the beat that threatened to send me away from my body. It’s so quickly relaxing and freeing to reach that space of yourself that you are at peace. I closed my eyes to feel and absorb as much as I could.

The strikes were so steady and consistent. Nothing like they had been and I knew he really did practice hard, he had promised to excel at something and he wanted flogging to be that thing. I don’t doubt that he will be the best one day. He may even be giving demos on it in the future. I digress. My body welcomed the strikes, easing into the rhythm he played with my body, swatting my ass with it every so often, shaking me from the zone to remind me that he was there controlling my body.

The suede flogger he started with is always heavenly, but when he switched to the rubber one it was a whole new world. The sensation was something like little razors striking my body, the sting was way intense. I can tell by now that Master really is enjoying his new found comfort level with floggers and I’m reaping benefits myself.

He pauses to check my hands that are tied up and then reaches for the new wooden paddle. I have a love/hate relationship with this toy. It’s a sting toy, so for that I love it, but my goodness is it a massive sting. Just the gentlest swat and I’m singing it’s praises with my squirms and hisses. Definitely something I’d like to work up to harder swats of course. After a brief introduction of the paddle he transitioned back to floggers.

By the time he decided to let me out of my bonds I was feeling quite relaxed and hot. My back and ass were tender sore, my thighs were still stinging from that rubber whip. He proceeded to walk me over to the couch, bend me over and paddle me some more. Let me tell you I struggled and whined through those strikes but it wasn’t long before he was fucking me and then I was in heaven.

It couldn’t have been more than a few seconds really and he was out, ordering me to sit on the floor and face him. He shoved his prick in my mouth; now tasting of me and fucked me. Release came, I gagged on it (as usual) and looked up to him. I began registering just how sore my ass and back were, how loopy I was feeling.

He collapsed on the floor next to me and smiled. It was a good day. A very good day.

Now, I have never participated in HNT even all the while I’ve enjoyed everyone else’s contributions immensely, Master has allowed me to post my own this week to go with this story. So here it is, my very first HNT.

Read the rest of this entry »

Love for You

Dated: 11-08-06

Dear Master,

The BDSM presentation went quite well today. I’m always so glad to have you there as my support and cheering section. Thank you for being up early and coming with me.

We always enjoy talking with B. and this morning was no exception. There is so much I learn and pick up from her. She said that we are more protocol oriented than others she knows. For me, I was surprised but joyfully though. I love the idea that protocol is evident in our lives and I know that as we get closer to our perfection protocol will be enhanced. I see us applying all sorts of structure and order in our relationship. It’s so exciting.

Along the same line of protocol I’m really looking forward to the new rules and routine. you have mentioned it a few times recently and I can only imagine what it will be like to accept the new life you are creating for us. It will be a hard pat but well worth it.

You revealed more of yourself to me today. Your thoughts about yourself and your progress as a dominant, my dominant. I guess I’ve been really busy working on myself to realize that you have worked hard on yourself to be better for me. I’m proud that you want to excel at things and you have gaols for yourself. I love the idea of you being an expert at flogging someday. It’s a great feeling and my soul grows bigger knowing that there are improvements on both ends.

You are finding your dominant soul and bringing it out more. It feels so good when I see it come out. My submissive heart wakes with your soul.


« Older entries