I am submissive. I have qualities in my person and my behavior that lead me to this conclusion. As a part of my essay here, I will discuss my qualities as they are now, how I’d like them enhanced in the development and training I hope to go through. After that I want to talk about how I see my submissive self in the future. This task is thus two-fold.
First, I know I have qualities that Master points out to me as my submissive traits. I’ve never really given them much thought so I had to really think about what they are and why they might be considered as such. Master says I want to please him. My willingness to please him is a huge submissive trait that I hope to enhance, mature and grow as I do in this role. I feel good about myself and my relationship with Master when I do make him happy, and let me tell you I feel horrible when I have disappointed him. This trait I believe to be the core of who I am within submission and when this quality is enhanced, improved and matured I think that a lot of the other things will be as well.
Another quality that I feel is a part of my submission is my honesty. I’m honest to a fault. I don’t know how to be tactful. This honesty can be a boon when in Master’s presence and asked about my feelings, concerns or issues. I can be completely honest with him. I can not lie to him. If I have done something wrong he will inevitably find out. I just can’t keep secrets from him. I am honest with him because it would not please him, thus referring back to the first trait, the core of who I am. I would like to work on my honesty so that I can be polite at the same time, and learn just when enough said is enough.
Moving on, a quality I believe is submissive is that I have a need for someone else to control things in my life, to make choices for me and to govern actions and behavior. I want someone to mold me, hold me and care about who I am as a person. I desire to know what it is that makes them happy and become that more than anything. I want to take what I already have and pour heart and soul into that. I long for rules and structure even though I struggle to follow the ones I have.
I cling to the idea of symbols and rituals as a beautiful form of expression. I long for more symbols in my life to hold me to the goal of being the best submissive I can be. This desire creeps into everyday living and strengthens when I’m feeling that I’ve made Master happy. This is a part of my submission I wish was enhanced more.
Finally, a quality that I believe helps me to be the submissive I currently am is that I can step back and see how things would affect my Master or how my actions will or will not appeal to him. Reflecting on what he would wish and then doing that is an important part of who I am and I would like to make sure my Master can receive all that I am and have no desires left unattended.
Now, in the future, after the D/s has begun to take more shape and is strengthened by our training and changes towards who we both are together, my only goal as to who I want to be for Master is everything that is appealing to him. I want to be healthy, active, loving and attentive. I want his life to be fulfilling because I am in it. I hope to be the one he comes to when he is stressed or desires love and attention. I want him to be able to rely on me to get things done as he wishes them and to know what he may desire and act on my own for his needs. I don’t have solid goals for the future because it is shaped by how things occur now and how life governs us. I only wish to make him happy and in return I am happy.