To be in the mood or not in the mood, that’s quite a challenging question. I have been pondering all week just how to get me in the mood to play when it seems apparent that I’m not in my kinky head space. Anything could make me not interested in play, whether it’s work, stress, house duties or a number of other things. I’ve never really considered it an issue until this essay.
A lot of the time, my mood isn’t all that is required to play. For that matter, I have to be willing to be intimate at all. The situation with getting me in the mood for intimacy works the same way as it would getting me in the mood for play. I’m going to try to cover what I find as necessary for a mood change in me from one that is uninterested in sexual or play activities to one that might be willing to engage in a bit of either or both. The reason I say might, is that while I am the one coming up with these ideas, they will not be fail proof and there will be times that I just can’t get in the mood.
First suggestion I will call warm-up. Give me more than a hint that you would like play. Express thoughts you’ve been having, whisper naughty things in my ear or leave toys out for me to find. The reason behind this is that if you begin to get me thinking about what it is you want to do, I’ll be more able to entertain it, and my mood may change faster. It’s a bit of mind manipulation. You want (fill in the blank with activity) so you are going to talk about it, hint it and share those things with me until I can do nothing but think about it myself. Warm me up to it.
Second idea I’ll name touch and go. A lot like the first, only it’s intention is to leave me wanting more. If you want to spank me, slip on by and give me a swat. Look at me deeply or playfully and try to pass on the idea that the spanking is just a taste of what I could get if I would just allow myself to feel for it. If bondage is on the menu, come up and grab my wrists and kiss me demandingly. Let me taste just a bit of what I could have and then allow me to stew once you have me smoldering. Touch me, and then leave the thought.
This idea is different than the petting and public displays of affection (PDA) that you are currently keen on in one way. In PDA it’s a part of casual attention. We could be walking the discount store and you will grab and squeeze my ass. This does not leave a smoldering mark on me. However, if you pull me aside, turn me to look at you and squeeze my breast, while maintaining deep eye contact, which could certainly touch me the right way. Then leave that thought with me.
Last thought is foreplay. If you want something, I realize the idea is just to take it. But you can’t roast a turkey without turning the oven on! If I don’t appear in the mood, begin with the basics of cuddling, touching, kissing, petting. Talk dirty to me and tell me what you want. Don’t leave it up to me to guess! Even the best trained submissives still like to not rely on their mind-reading skills. As I’ve read in a popular quote, “Submissives like to be told what to do; slaves like to do what they are told.” Talk to me, show me your interest and then don’t give up. Tell me what to do, then encourage me to do it.
Even with all these ideas, it could just happen that I am not in the right headspace and can not join yours. I don’t mean for this to be a long term thing, just that as I am not able to be at your beck and call all the time, I can not be turned on all the time. I will do my best to be who you want me to be within the boundaries of who I am. Kinky head space is possible to achieve with me when I’m not appearing in the mood. It just requires a bit of work, and most of all patience on your part. The sweetest gift is the one worth waiting for.