Frankly, I have to admit this is hard stuff. I have been only at the Speech training discussed in the previous post for a day and I feel like a parrot. I’m constantly saying Master, please and thank you following behind and least adhered to, but not the worst is my cursing. I’ve noticed that if I catch myself forgetting that I scrunch up my face and then apologize to Master quickly enough. I believe that he is noticing my attention to it. I hope that it will become habit soon enough.

I’m still in wishful thinking for some punishment/discipline for when I need to be corrected. I’m not sure why other than I know I need it sometimes. There isn’t a way to get Master to do it however so I will just have to watch it and not let myself get to far out of line. I just upsets him and then he goes all quiet and depressed. *sigh* I’d like to blame it on his age/maturity. I know it will change though. He hates that he’s so immature, but sheesh, he’s only 22.

There is another issue, but I don’t know how important it is to things right now. It’s something that we have gotten by on the past 2 years and I guess if I had a choice, I would continue on this path than try to correct it. (les conflict this way)…. I’ll think about it.

–luna

When I speak of baggage I do not speak of your trusty old set of Samsonite, I am speaking of emotional baggage.

Emotional baggage is a laymen’s term for the emotional turmoil and distress that each individual experiences when confronted with a negative experience. From each experience in our life we can learn and grow. However, when we hold on to the negative emotions surrounding an experience we begin to be weighted down. Just as with Jacob Marley in the Charles Dickens’ saga “A Christmas Carol”; each negative emotion we hold onto weighs us down, becoming a great chain
surrounding us. It is a burden that we must be relieved of before we can move on in our lives.

With each failed relationship we have had; we carry with us more than the mere memory of the experience. We carry with us all the emotions we experienced, both positive and negative. Positive emotions are easily understood and readily accepted; negative emotions however, are not. Sometimes we do not understand why we have negative emotions like guilt, jealousy, anger, resentment, and the feeling of failure or inadequacy. Frequently we push these negative emotions so far back into our subconscious mind that we may
or may not be aware of their existence.

When you repress these emotions long enough you may begin to believe that they no longer exist. Unfortunately, if not dealt with properly, you will not only find that these emotions still exist but you will also find that they have a great deal of influence of your day to day behaviors.

When a slave enters into service they must be emotionally prepared to serve. While the statement is simple, the concept is quite complicated. The simplest beginning starts with a simple quote. “Know Thyself”.

Before a slave can serve an owner he or she must know in their heart that service and being owned is what they desire. They must be confident in themselves and their ability to serve. Doubt and uncertainty have no place in an Owner/slave relationship. If a slave doubts himself or herself how can they find pride and fulfillment in the service of another, how can they represent their Owner when they do not understand themselves.

A slave must be free of addictions as well. Addictions are very powerful, and no Owner will allow an individual to have a “Master” other than him or herself. No Owner likes to compete for a slave’s attention or his or her love; hence addictions have no place in slavery.

Also if a slave knows that he or she has an undesirable habit prior to entering into an Owner/slave relationship then that habit needs to be eradicated. There is no place for bad manners or unwanted activities that can be considered rude or repulsive. Some individuals find biting ones nails to be a disgusting habit, or perhaps it is picking ones teeth, or interrupting others when they speak. Any habit that may offend anyone should be eradicated
immediately.

Baggage is something we all have, but we do not have to let it destroy our chance at happiness. Deal with your baggage, your addictions, and your negative habits before attempting to get into an Owner/slave relationship. Take the time to give your Owner the very best, after all don’t they deserve it.

Norische

My thoughts: I know I entered this relationship with a lot of baggage. I had a failed marriage and a bunch of flings just before I commited to Master. It’s just a part of my life. I also know that I have not cleared this baggage well, and it still haunts me. On occasion it bothers Master and he reminds me of who I serve. I wish I could reconcile the past and move on. I believe a huge step in doing so is to finally afford the divorce that I have not been able to afford for 3 years. It’s on my wish list for this year, but as of right now it’s looking iffy. I don’t agree with Norische that you should have your baggage “dealt with” before committing to someone. It’s a part of negociation whether someone will accept you with all of your past. If this is allowed then by all means serve.

As far as addictions I am grateful to not have any. I am not sure if I would place smoking as an addiction that would need to be eradicated. If the Master smoked, then how would that work if he insisted his slave not to? It would be sheer evil. I have friends that have to ask to have a cigarette, and in essence the Master controls the addiction. I agree with this level of restriction to an addiction like smoking.

Bad habits… yes I have quite a few that Master would like me to correct. I hope to have them corrected with work from this journal. My first is a service to him though. Coffee service is something that I have always wanted to do for him. The past 2 days I’ve done small steps, remembered a few times through the day to check his cup or ask if he would like fresh coffee. I know Master has noticed it, he smiles a bit more. I hope for more progress as I work on changing me.

–luna

Master has always expressed certain things he wished I would do, or would pay more attention to. I think, if I can add it to my list of duties, dieting, housework and searching for a job I am going to add a submissive task to my weekly improvements list.

We have talked about the fact that neither of us knows what to do in the way of training when it comes to behavior modification, ritual or habit forming. Basically it’s a loss. So, if I try on my own to keep up with the things I know Master wants, perhaps there will be no need for cooperative training. I know it will not be easy. I know I may fail. This way at least I don’t have repercussions, because Master isn’t the one doing the training. I am training myself to do the things I know he wants from me.

The first task that I know would please him is that if I were more attentive to his need for coffee. Master drinks a lot of coffee. I always have some ready for him when he gets up, but that seems to be the extent of my coffee service to him. I would like to add more attentiveness to the time and checking if he needs more coffee during his work day. I know he would appreciate me paying more attention to his needs in this way.

In the future I would like to add a small ritual to the actual serving of Master’s coffee if he would allow it, but first things first. I will pay attention. I hope to make this a habit. Master is what my life revolves around. I will make sure he is happy and part of that is his hot cup of joe at his desk all day.

Let’s see how long it takes me to get this down. I don’t expect it to be easy, but it can’t be too terribly hard either. I know that when I am at work (when I have work to go to) this task will be even more special when I am home with him.

So, here goes nothing.

–luna

Service is one of the most primary, the most basic of terms within the BDSM realm. Service can loosely be defined as an act or work done by one individual to the benefit another, but what does service mean within the BDSM realm.

The need to serve is the most fundamental desire within a slave; the desire to be in the service of another is the driving force that beckons to each and every slave.

When one is first exposed to the BDSM realm there are many things that may attract an individual; the taboo nature of the lifestyle, the acceptance, the mystery or the feel of being utterly controlled, but there is one thing that makes someone dedicate their life to being a slave and that is the desire to serve.

Many relationships are service based or service focused relationships. This is a relationship that is not focused on sexuality, pleasure, or playtime. This form of relationship is focused on the service of a slave to an owner, in whatever form of service is desired by the owner.

When an individual writes and asks what I will do to him or her, my answer is simple, anything I wish to; but in reality this individual just informed me that he or she is not a service oriented slave. By asking what I can do for him or her, the slave is telling me that they want to be the focus of the relationship. With a service oriented slave they will mention what they have to offer not what they wish to receive. This tells the owner that the slave’s focus is on serving, and providing a service for the owner with no desire for self-gratification; just the pleasure of being allowed to serve.

To serve is to offer one’s self, one’s talent, one’s knowledge, one’s body, and one’s very presence to use of another individual. An experienced owner will understand the slave’s need to serve and focus on making the arrangement mutually beneficial. The owner will utilize what the slave has to offer and allow the slave to serve, with the understanding that a little recognition for a job well done is all that the slave expects in return.

I must say that one of the worst punishments that you can inflict on a service-oriented slave is to restrict them from serving, or to force them to watch while another slave serves their owner.

Service is the foundation of being a slave, in one form or another; service is the very life force within the BDSM realm.

Norische

My thoughts: Pertaining to service I really don’t feel that it’ a need in me. I enjoy serving most of the time, but really I’m not in a D/s relationship becuase of my need to serve. I actually have a need to submit morethan serve. This need to feel in submission is what brought me to the lifestyle. Before that I considered myself just a kinky sex partner and was happy that way. Something changed in me that caused me to want to be in submissive mode outside the bedroom and with that my journey began.Norische discusses service more along the lines of a slave, and while there are always conflicts as to who is a slave and who is a submissive I know I am not a slave for the very reason in the previous paragraph. I do not need to serve. This does make my relationship a little about service but more about the power exchange in other forms. Master is young, and as such, focuses on the sexual part of the relationship more than I do. I know that with growth and maturity this will change and I hope for that. I know he is capable of being a tremendous person and an exceptional Dominant for me. He knows me before I know myself, he can read me and he knows what I need or want at practically any given time. He sees when I want to serve and when I want to be a slut.

Part of Norishe’s essay says that the owner tries to make the relationship beneficial for both parties, ie. s/he wishes to serve, S/He will find things that they enjoy to allow for the service. It’s a beautiful exchange that I have only caught glimpses of in the munch groups I am in. I do hope to have more structure which will involve service to Master rather than being available; which is my current status. He does have wishes for me to serve him more often in other facets such as food service, attentiveness, bathing and grooming and possibly more that he has not brought up. I will grow into this, as I know I would like to do these things as well.

Norische has a slave training manual that I have been slowly putting on The Iron Gate. I’ve not had the chance to read it all, but I thought it would be good to post them here and then comment how I need to apply it to my life of service.

The reason I am doing this sans-instruction from Master is that he believes that no one can tell him how to be a Dominant, that he doesn’t want to just take things from other people and apply them to our relationship. That’s all and good but he has admitted on numerous occasions that he has no imagination. How in the world he expects to grow when he can’t invent things to try is beyond me. I will work without him. I know what kind of submissive I’d like to be some day; this is my work towards that.

The first chapter of Norische’s Manual is coming soon. As I’ve said, I have to read it first and think about it. Perhaps I can develop some friends to this blog soon. It would really help my thinking process. I do a lot of that.

–luna