by Frank Herbert
You have control over a great wealth of resources, but no one wants to let you have them. You’ve decided to try to defend yourself, but it may take eons before you really get back what you feel you deserve. Meanwhile you have a cult-like following of minions waiting for your life to progress. This would all be even more exciting if you could just get the sand out of your eyes.
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You are currently browsing the monthly archive for April 2006.
Just six more days and I’m a college graduate. I’ve never thought this day would come. I’ve had a lot of trials in my life that would speak to everyone else that I’m just not going to make it. I’ve had a failed marriage, near bankruptcy, a loss of a home to live in… twice, and a pleading to the university to allow me back with a promise to do better and be good. $45,000 later, I am a college graduate.
And now the real world scares me. I don’t know what to do with my life after school. I know I need a job. I know I need to find something that makes me happy and doesn’t over tax me. Master insists that part. I’m sure it’s because he wants a happy subbie at home when I am home. But my fears have become physical ailments. I’ve been terrible at my diet, but only in the evenings, my workouts have been short and I’ve had a lot of chocolate. This can not last long.
I’ve got to keep loosing weight, I’m doing so well. This diet break is just a short set back. I know I will keep going. Just one more pound and I’m at 10% lost off my original weight. Now, I still have over 100 pounds I want to loose and hopefully will do considerably well by the time my goal date elapses (Oct 24th 2007). I’ve not given up, and won’t.
I’m sadly not horny lately. I’m trying to figure out why because it’s not that Master doesn’t turn me on, nor that I don’t happen to really love sex. Master just knows all the right spots, but here’s my problem. I’ve had a lot of issues since Master took away my ability to masturbate (because I screwed up, but still). I don’t fantasize anymore, I don’t dream up hot little stories like I used to. I don’t talk dirty with anyone in chat. I just am not a dirty talking, naughty dreams girl anymore. I need to fix that. I liked being smoldery hot and always on fire for sex. How do I get that back? Why did it leave in the first place?
I’ve done a lot of work on The Iron Gate that I’d like to take the time to let everyone know about.
- I’ve changed my template a bit. I’ve had a few complaints about the unfriendliness of my navigation, so I have changed it into a 3 column layout but tried to still keep it simple on the eyes.
- I upgraded the essays section and made more categories to put essays in. This way visitors won’t get just a list of over 100 essays, they can refine their search within categories.
- I have added a Toplist for the Iron Gate. It’s linked on this blog in the right hand navigation. There are two categories; lifestyle sites and blogs. Feel free to submit your site. I have it set for hand approval to make sure pay sites, and other such things are not allowed to join. (I’m still working on the templates for the toplist so that the rules are within the registration page.)
- I’m working on getting a sitemap to google so that my site is decently indexed. I’m also wanting to set up link sharing/banner sharing with more sites to hopefully raise my pagerank. If you would like to link to the Iron Gate, please let me know!
I’m pooped, I’m going to bed. Goodnight!
So, the big question today is, does chasing the cat around the house count as exercise? The reason I bring this up is two-fold. First, it’s not something I normally do, so I count all that as exercise usually. Second, it was so hilarious I thought I’d have to share.
I have a cat that loves to lick plastic, and while I try to keep all the sacks up off the floor, this one had coffee grinds in it… I think because the trash can was full and not emptied. So I already scolded him 5 mins before this incident that I really didn’t want him licking the bag and he slips back over there and goes at it again. I watch him, quietly fuming as his head slips into the handle. I see the possible incident before it happens and I get up quietly to hopefully stop the impending cat scare. I get within 2 feet of him and he bolts, bag and all through the entire house. He’s spilling coffee grounds the entire way and I can’t catch him cause he’s so fast and so scared. He hides under the stereo in the cabinet and I’m screaming to Master to come help me get the cat and clean up (it’s 8am and not a time for Master to be up anyhow). He crawls out of bed and soothes the cat while I start picking up the grounds carefully and get out the sweeper.
Success! He gets it off of the cat and immediately turns to the bedroom again, typical. I vacuum up the mess and watch my poor cat, still frightened console himself in the kitchen window. Such an interesting morning!
From Submissive Journal Prompts: “I like looking feminine and I enjoy being a role model. I enjoy being a woman. It all comes down to having the confidence to be who you are.” – Cathy Freeman
I love lingerie, however I rarely take it as an occasion to put some on. I like the way it feels on my skin and the way I feel in it. I like the looks that Master gives me when I put it on and I don’t really have a good excuse as to why I don’t wear it.
I enjoy wearing make up. I know that it makes me look pretty, Master is constantly telling me and I know I feel better wearing it, I work better, think better and present myself better to others. That I don’t put on a lot of foundation items, like liquid or powder, I don’t do the whole cleansing routine nor do I take it off like I should is worrisome to me. I’d like to develop a skin routine that has to do with my entire body, something I can maintain and improve myself on the outside and feel good on the inside.
I know I can be a role model and in some situations I take that role seriously. I feel that someone is a role model to someone else somehow and while it’s ideal to uphold that role, you just can’t do it all the time. I work hard at being a role model in the weight loss group I’m in, not only for the sake of others, but for my sake. If I push myself to be someone to support and look up to, I know I will work harder on my own success and improvement. Same for school. I work hard becuase I know there are those that look up to my work ethic and strive to accomplish what I have.
I’m really excited to be done with school, but I’m too the point of being paranoid about not succeeding in life outside of school. Where the road will take me now is up in the air and because of that, I feel out of control and without a purpose. I know there are things I can do with my new degree; it’s just the task of getting to that point of accomplishing something that I feel is too far away. Just 2 weeks left of school, my papers will be turned in and I will be receiving my degree. Just 2 weeks till my life takes another turn. How it will turn out is still to be determined.
I’m still getting headaches on a regular basis. I really hope they are stress related and not something I should worry (more stress) about. I’ll be so happy to be done with my papers for the term. I have 2 left both due in a week and a half. Plenty of time and I’ve started one of them so that’s good too.
We still have no money and that worries me more than anything. Due dates have come and gone on a few important bills and yet I can’t see the day I have money. My father is coming in from out of town in 2 weeks and I don’t want him to see that we are so poor right now.
Worse yet I’m sure this is all affecting my diet. I’ve been working out a bit more than usual so I’d like to attribute any gain to muscle gain. I’m thinking that might just be an excuse but who knows. I weigh in on Wednesday so we will know then.
I have a munch to facilitate tonight. I’m so glad I made it later in the evening so that we have an excuse not to buy food. It will most likely just be a coffee night. I think we can afford that. So far we have 2 people coming. Sounds like old times….
Last night I went to a friend’s birthday party. It was a Sheer Romance Party, much like Passions Parties, these were once called Slumber Parties. It was great fun and I have a few things on my want list for Master to think about. Going to the party makes me wish I could sell this stuff myself. It always requires $$ in advance to buy your demo kit so it would have to wait anyhow, but I’d also have to think if I have the ability to sell these things at parties or not. Ah well, it’s something to think about if I ever become that houseslave role that I keep thinking about.
Oh my goodness I have just had one of the best orgasms ever and Master used me so wonderfully it’s amazing I am speechless! MMmm, and he has promised trying to play tomorrow if time is on our side. *grins*
Off to bed, a well used, feeling tingly all over slut! Thank you Master!
From Submissive Journal Prompts: “It is time that I….”
It is time that I work harder at pleasing Master. I know there are times that I am in independent luna mode and I don’t think about Master first. In fact lately there have been more and more luna time than there has been Master time. I’m afraid that I may not be able to find my way back to that road I am supposed to be on. I please Master, I serve him before myself and I am aware of his needs sometimes before he is. That will be a wonderful day. Why it is still a dream? Why can’t I keep my mind on the task and improve myself?
Why in the world am I so hard on myself? Master has not expressed anything that would mean I’m not making him happy. He is so considerate about my workload and my trying hard with my studies. He knows that when we have more time for us that I promise I will work more with serving him.
Master did express that he would like me to work on my issue with saying “no.” I do it too much. Generally it is with sexual acts that this comes in. I admit that I use it and abuse it on many occasions. Master and I had a long talk and I’m to not say no. I’ve been taking it for granted. Master is still new and I have used it to still control things. Yes, I have topped from the bottom on many occasions so that I don’t have to do what he asks of me. I feel horrible for doing it, Master recognizes it as guilt. Yes I feel guilty about it. It is not submissive of me. I can’t explain why I have been doing it alot lately.
No more. I can’t. I have done it enough in the last month to equate a whole year of saying no in other contexts. I’m not sure how it will go or how I will be able to hold my tongue. I have a feeling it will mean punishment till I get it right. I will need strength. I’m in for a storm of correction.