Master and I have been going through a period of training. Nothing out of the ordinary in this sort of relationship, but for me it can be mentally stressful and emotionally hard for me. I’ve spoken about it before: blowjobs… well more specifically swallowing Master’s cum. Many submissives and slaves have stated to me in various conversations that swallowing is a very basic and typically normal thing in relationships. I have always had an aversion to it, but I know that Master would appreciate if I was able to get over my distaste. I don’t doubt that any man that reads my posts would say the same thing.
Tonight we tried again. Master looks forward to training of course when he is going to be able to enjoy himself. He tries to prepare myself ahead of time, letting me know that more training is necessary (ie. He’s horny) and that I will be giving him a blowjob. I realize that as soon as he says it, I get queasy, antsy and worried that I will fail.
And I have failed on many occasions. He always gives me an out at the last moment as we are still working on it. I hope to one day be able to swallow without warning from him or my body just rejecting it and gagging.. or worse yet… vomiting. Why is it that I have such an aversion to cum? No matter what the taste it’s just not good.
Master and I are going to add something to my ritual/routine. I don’t know what it is yet. I expressed the things I’m interested in and he usually decides what he wants of me and we work on that. He says the swallowing training is going well, that I please him and I suppose that I should be happy with my progress. I can’t say I’m not ready for more training. I’d rather do anything else right now.
But I have to remember that I am here for Master’s pleasure and that I trust him completely to not do anything that would harm me in any way. I want to make him happy. I want him to be well served and for all around him to know that he is well cared for. I’d like that pride in him to shine. I get the most pleasure out of pleasing him, and if these training activities will make me better able to serve him, I will do it.