March 2006

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Oh my god my cramps are horrid today! I woke up at 4am with terrible cramps and had a bad night’s sleep after that. No matter what meds I’ve taken it’s only dulled it temporarily. Now I know why I’ve been so bitchy and snappy at Master. He says he understands and constantly asks me if there is something he can do for me. What a sweet man I have! I wish there was something he could do for me. My heating pad has become my best friend.

While I know that my body is pissed at me and expressing it in the rudest way I still have a ton of work to get done. I’ve made a to do list that is for this weekend only and god I hope I can get going on it soon. I’ve just been so fatigued!

I’m working on getting more work so that I can earn some money. Am I crazy? I will have so much to do. I’m going to be swamped and for some reason I like it that way. I still hate being so short of money and I’ll do anything I can to have cash on hand.

I graduate May 6th. My dad will be coming up from Virginia. I’ve not seen him since Christmas before last. I’m happy that he will be up here, but also unsure how to entertain him for 3 days. That’s right, three whole days. Oiy! There’s nothing to do here, how can I invent things?

Randomly, anyone noticed that Kindlings isn’t being updated anymore? It stopped mid last year and I miss them. I’m hoping to start a journal prompts feed on my Sensual Service site. Do you think there will be interest? I will probably be using some of Kindlings old prompts to jump start my mind for more, but I just feel that would be a good thing to have and I know that Kindlings has really helped me when I was stuck or when I just wanted some submissive thinking.


Music Player ESP

I saw this on myspace and thought this would be a blast. If you like it, give it a try!

Put your music player on shuffle.
Press forward for each question.
Use the song title as the answer to the question even if they don’t make sense.

How am I feeling today?:
Tricky – Excess (Excess what?)

Will I get far in life?
Alicia Keys – Wake Up (Oh dear)

How do my friends see me?:
A Perfect Circle – Fiddle and the Drum

Where will I get Married?
Neil Young – Harvest Moon (That would be kewl!)

What is my best friend’s theme song?:
Basement Jaxx – Rendez – Vu

What is the story of my life?:
Robert Miles – Landscape (Now wouldn’t that be right)

What is/was highschool like?:
Evanescence – Tourniquet (Hmmm)

How can I get ahead in life?:
Foo Fighters – Monkey Wrench (Become a Mechanic?)

What is the best thing about me?:
The Boys Choir of Harlem – O Come Emmanuel (Huh?)

What is today going to be like?
Nightwish – The Kinslayer (I certainly hope not!)

What is in store for this weekend?:
Daft Punk – Digital Love (ROFL)

What song describes my parents?:
Madonna – Take a Bow (Wow, that actually works)

To describe my grandparents?
Andre 3000 – Take Off Your Cool

How is my life going?:
Classical Piano – Love Song Lyrical Piece No. 21 (Kewl, I’m in love)

What song will they play at my funeral?
Sade – Smooth Operator (Hell NO!)

How does the world see me?:
Red Hot Chili Peppers – Minor Thing (That’s sad….)

Will I have a happy life?:
Mozart – Sie Ist Dahin – Canon A 3 for Male Voices (I have no clue what that means)

What do my friends really think of me?:
Brandy & Monica – Angel of Mine (Right, I’m no angel)

Do people secretly lust after me?:
Alan Jackson – Where Were You (When The World Stopped Turning) (This song does not work for this one)

How can I make myself happy?:
Rolling Stones – Gimme Shelter (Definitely if I was finanically stable I’d be happy)

What should I do with my life?:
Chicago – Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore (Um, go with my gut instinct?)

Will I ever have children?:
Francis Cabrel – Sabarcane (That would be a no, either way)

What is some good advice for me?:
Skid Row – I Remember You (Remember Who?)

How will i be remembered?
J J Cale – A Thing Goes On (Oh good I will be remembered but not my name)

What is my signature dancing song?:
Mike Oldfield – Tres Lunas (maybe a swaying song….)

What is my current theme song?
E-rotic – Erotic Dreams (Hell ya!)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?:
Genesis – Mama (wtf?)

What type of men/women do you like?
Didier Sinclair – Anytime Sex (obviously it doesn’t matter, rofl)

I just had this linked to my from a friend and just loved it :) Thanks pagan!

A Friend's First

I went out to dinner tonight with some friends. We got on the discussion of our sex lives when this friend expressed her lack thereof with her boyfriend. I piped up that a sex toy would help her if he’s not available. She almost jumped at the idea and off we went to the toy shop.

I’ve never been in a toy shop before, most of what we purchased was online but I do have plenty and she oggled at all the different kinds. She decided on a small jelly vibrator that looked quite nice for her first one. I hope that she’s happy with her new purchase. I guess we can just wonder unless she gets braggy.

Master and I are entering fuck rabbit stage just before my period and I have to say I am looking forward to it. I love it when we just can’t get enough of each other. I have to say that if my body can handle it I’ll take all I can get. I’ve actually been craving anal play, believe it or not (from me that’s a “no way!” moment). Hopefully my body will allow me to do some in the near future. I’m also kinda hoping for some play, but a girl can’t get greedy. I’ll take whatever Master is willing to give me.



Master and I have been going through a period of training. Nothing out of the ordinary in this sort of relationship, but for me it can be mentally stressful and emotionally hard for me. I’ve spoken about it before: blowjobs… well more specifically swallowing Master’s cum. Many submissives and slaves have stated to me in various conversations that swallowing is a very basic and typically normal thing in relationships. I have always had an aversion to it, but I know that Master would appreciate if I was able to get over my distaste. I don’t doubt that any man that reads my posts would say the same thing.

Tonight we tried again. Master looks forward to training of course when he is going to be able to enjoy himself. He tries to prepare myself ahead of time, letting me know that more training is necessary (ie. He’s horny) and that I will be giving him a blowjob. I realize that as soon as he says it, I get queasy, antsy and worried that I will fail.

And I have failed on many occasions. He always gives me an out at the last moment as we are still working on it. I hope to one day be able to swallow without warning from him or my body just rejecting it and gagging.. or worse yet… vomiting. Why is it that I have such an aversion to cum? No matter what the taste it’s just not good.

Master and I are going to add something to my ritual/routine. I don’t know what it is yet. I expressed the things I’m interested in and he usually decides what he wants of me and we work on that. He says the swallowing training is going well, that I please him and I suppose that I should be happy with my progress. I can’t say I’m not ready for more training. I’d rather do anything else right now.

But I have to remember that I am here for Master’s pleasure and that I trust him completely to not do anything that would harm me in any way. I want to make him happy. I want him to be well served and for all around him to know that he is well cared for. I’d like that pride in him to shine. I get the most pleasure out of pleasing him, and if these training activities will make me better able to serve him, I will do it.


Ok, so I’m wanting a bit of money and I know how to make websites, so I’m going to put out there that I can make your personal website for you. Designs I can not make, they would have to be purchased or use a freeware/linkware one. If you are interested in having your own site, completely editable by you through a content manager, let me know and I can give you a quote for your project.


I’m going this morning to get my rear brakes replaced. I’m really nervous about the cost, as I really don’t have a lot of available funds. I know I need new brakes, I just don’t know if the cost is worth it when I don’t have food either. I can still stop, it just takes longer. I know that’s bad and getting my brakes done is a very good idea but what do we do about eating? Ramen style noodles can only sustain you for so long. It’s possible I am worrying for nothing and that the brakes will be affordable and I will have money left for groceries and gas. Then again, they may not be. I am about to find out.

I have other repairs that need to be done to the car as well, but priority is my brakes. I dream of making enough money to live on when I’m done with school. I don’t want to have to struggle so badly anymore. My dream at home job may have to wait till we are comfortably living and we are moved to a new apartment.


Break has ended

I have a lot ahead of me now that break has ended. I need to plan final exams and papers. The stress of the end of term is already upon me and I’m not ready for the pile of work. I’ve started reading some Walt Whitman poetry for my poetry class. I have to at least try to understand it. He’s not an easy poet to understand. I also need to start reading a book on Emily Dickenson. Boy I’m not looking forward to this.

Master and I had a little fun the other night. Fisting is quite fun and I have never gone without an orgasm when fisted. It’s usually 3 or so before he’s done or I’m spent. I do dread one thing. I’m out of commission then for a few days afterward while my body recovers. Master is horny tonight and my mouth hurts… I will have to see what I can do.

I’ve been bombarded with annoying IM’s lately from horny men wanting cyber something or other. Why is it that they come in waves? I’ve been fine for a good 2 months and then now, BAM! I have 5 a day. I realize more people probably get more but it’s getting on my nerves. I’d like to just keep my IMs off but I have so many people I talk to that are worth talking to, perhaps invisible is the way to go. I’ll have to think on this.

I am now officially an owner of a munch group. Not that I think I can do more, but that the previous owner retired. People were interested in having munches again and I want them too. It’s the least I can do, and who knows. Maybe something good will come from it.


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