I’m ready for 2007. I’m ready to make a change in my life for the good. I’ve set my resolutions and now I am planning getting them going. The sooner I make them habit the better chance I have in keeping them going.

I cleaned the house a bit today with plans to do the rest tomorrow. I WILL get to the bedroom to clean… it has been neglected far too long. I hope to tighten the screws and try to make it more solid. It is wobbling way too much for my comfort. We will need a new bed frame very soon. Admittedly it’s not the sleeping that is wearing it down *blush*

I wish everyone a wonderful new year full of prosperity, inner peace and happiness.

–luna

stolen from Bootpig

Here’s how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Play, iPod, etc.)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool.

Opening Credits: In the End by Linkin Park

“I tried to hard and got so far and in the end it doesn’t even matter.”

Waking Up: Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue by Toby Keith

Well, so here it is… a preview of my resolutions for the coming year. I’ve been talking about these for a month, bouncing around in my head as to whether or not I should even set them and then what they should be and if they are decent goals. I have come to decide that even if they aren’t decent, that I will set them anyway. What’s the point of goals if I don’t have to push myself to succeed.

Personal Growth

1. Brush my teeth daily

2. Set up a bedtime routine that includes caring for my body, either with lotion or scrubs or bathtime. Something to set it up as special luna time.

3. Care more about my hair before going out. I already have a rule that I wear makeup, but now that my hair is quite long I have let that go and usually just put it in a pony tail. I want to make sure I care for it better this year.

4. Continue to work on my diet and exercise to a better lifestyle. I hope to loose 40 lbs this year.

Submissive Goals

1. Work on my speech with Master. This includes calling him Master when around him (personal name in vanilla public), saying please and thank you regularly, removing slang and lazy speech (yah, huh, yup) from conversation and not talking over him.

2. Make myself more available sexually. This requires that I find something on a regular basis to turn me on; be it stories, poetry or porn. I’m finding the less I think about sex, the less I want it. I want to be Master’s sex slut.

3. Seek out ways to feel my submission even when I’m in a bad mood. Allow myself to release the stress of the world and just be in the moment with Master; whatever time that may be.

General Goals

1. Spend 30 mins everyday cleaning the house. I don’t keep the house nearly clean enough for my Master’s comfort.

2. Plan healthy meals in advance to the day off. This includes a vegetable or salad. Have dessert! (I know this doesn’t sound healthy, but it will make Master happy )

3. Spend more time doing the things I enjoy that aren’t centered around the computer. I love reading, crafting and writing poetry; I want to do more of that this coming year.

Okay so there you have it. All of these things may be possible, some may be left by the wayside but I know that if I can do most of them it will benefit my life on many levels and it will make Master very happy.

It’s all about making him happy lately. I find that I’ve been slacking in the service department and I may have figured out why. I talked with Master last night and I guess I don’t feel the positive praise as much as I have in the past. Master is very good at saying thank you; he was brought up that way and maybe that’s where I get hung up. It’s nothing special for him to say thank you. Why is it I need something more than that? I’m making him happy, that should be enough.

With me it never seems enough.

–luna

I’m still working on my resolutions for the new year. I am working on a few facets of them; like my submission, my body and health and then the ‘others’. It’s truly not easy to come up with what I want to declare a goal for the new year. They are hard to live up to. I didn’t really set any resolutions last year and I felt that I should have at least tried to.

So, I’ve been penciling down ideas for myself, things that will improve me physically and mentally. I’ve been talking to Master about them also, so hopefully he will approve of them.

I had a nice quiet Christmas. Nothing spectacular. Master and I sat at home and enjoyed dinner and company of movies and each other.

–luna

1.What time did you really get up this morning? 4:30am
2.Diamonds or Pearls? Diamonds while young, pearls when older
3.What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Pirates of the Carribean II
4.What is your favorite T.V. show? Mythbusters
5.What did you have for breakfast? Corn chex
6.What is your middle name? Lynn
7.What is your favorite cuisine? Chinese
8.What foods do you dislike? onions, fruit
9.What is your favorite potato chip? baked lays
10. What is your favorite DVD? Don’t have one
11.What kind of car do you drive? Chevy
12.What is your favorite sandwich? Ruben
13.What characteristics do you despise? worry wart
14.Favorite item of clothing? my 4 sizes too big sweatshirt
15.If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would it be? Egypt
16.What color is your bathroom? peach
17.Favorite brand of clothes? Don’t have one
18.Where would you like to retire? Hmmm…. don’t know
19.Favorite time of day? morning, just as the sun comes up
20.Where were you born? Des Moines, IA
21.Favorite sport to watch? I like the olympics really
22.Who do you least expect to send this back? *shrugs*
23.Person you expect to send this back first? Um… again, doesn’t matter really
24.What type of detergent do you use? Tide
25.Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi
26.Are you a morning person or night owl? Morning person
27.What size shoe do you wear? 12
28.Do you have pets? 2 cats
29.Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with everyone? full time work pending!
30.What did you want to be when you were little? Spanish Teacher
31.Favorite Candy Bar? Whatchamacallit
32.What is one of your favorite childhood memories? Going camping with my best friend and her family
33.What are the different jobs you have had? Fast food, Movie rental, grocery, discount retail, printer fleet manager
34.Favorite Color? purple
36.How many Best friends do you have? 2
37.Eye color? Blue
38.Ever Been to Africa? no
39.Ever been toilet papered? yes for my 16th birthday
40.Ever loved someone so much it made you cry? Yes
41.Been in a car accident? yes
42.Croutons or Bacon bits? bacon bits
43.Favorite day of the week? Saturday
44.Favorite restaurant? Olive Garden
45.Favorite flower? Gerber Daisies
46.Favorite Ice Cream: Chocolate Peanut butter
47.Disney or Warner Brothers? Disney
48.Favorite fast food restaurant? Subway
49.What color is your bedroom carpet?multicolor stripe (ick)
50.How many times did you fail your drivers test? 3
51.Before this one, from whom did you get your last E-Mail? Taking It Off Mailinglist
52.Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Pier One
53.What do you do most often when you get bored? read blogs
54.Who are you the most interested in hearing from on this questionnaire? Everyone
55.Last person you went to dinner with? Master
56.Ford or Chevy? Chevy
57.What are you listening to right now? Christmas Music
58.What person have you learned the most about life from? Best friend L.
59.How many tattoos do you have & where? 3 tattoos; small of back, left breast and left thigh
60.How may piercings do you have and where? Just my ears
61.Time you finished this E-Mail? 5:42pm

I read a post from a LJ friend today that rang so true with me that I’d like to post a bit here and then talk about how it relates to my life. puzzle of PolyBDSMMadHouse said that,

when Sir is lenient, it undermines me, and makes me feel as if he doesn’t care about the rules he’s set. it makes me feel like a failure for forgetting. it makes me feel … well… pretty damn worthless. and going those rounds with myself had definitely been taking their toll. i told him the only way i knew how. i asked for firmness.

I’ve had a similar talk with Master lately about the fact that I have these rules that I’m supposed to be following. Master notices when I don’t follow them; I haven’t done a good job at it lately really at all. I’m not trying very hard either, I admit. I know that changing for him and doing as he would like requires that I follow his rules. I also know that if he doesn’t do more than mentally note that I’m not doing them, they will continue to lapse.

One of the reasons I was attracted to Master and a D/s relationship was the firmness in which I saw Dominants, the structure and rules enforced. Right now I have rules, and they would be enforced if I go about my own enforcing and discipline. I know that some relationships are that way. I also know that those with a natural born submissive nature don’t have the problems I’m having all the time. My need to please and submit out of love and devotion doesn’t necessarily bring about the rule abiding nature and fear of chastisement that drives others to follow the rules to the letter.

And then I see asis… her need to serve in any capacity that she can, with all her heart whether she is ill, physically incapable or off mood. I don’t know how she does it. She’s been injured and yet she serves; she’s been ill and she serves. She frustrates her Dom by serving even when his concern for her care is at an all time high.

Why can’t I cause the frustration in my Dom that I’m too passionate about serving that it’s affecting my health and not causing frustration because I’m not serving at all?

Today I’ve been crabby. I can’t explain why except that when I’m at work I feel a separation of reality (the stress of finances, web dev work, dieting and exercise and so much more). Master pointed out that I’m probably crabby with him that while I don’t mean for him to be a point of stress and anxiety, he happens to be in the location where all these things are and so I vent on him. Nothing I know will cure this.

I’m snippy and he gets silent. In that I know I did something wrong, but it only fuels me. I egg him on more, make him talk about it and then he’s upset with me for doing that. It’s a loosing battle all around. But why does it always have to be a battle? Why can’t we be at peace when I’m home, why can’t I separate the stress with the joy in seeing Master. Why can’t reality just… *sigh* … real life will never go away. I have to find a different way of seeing it is all. It needs to not become priority in life. It needs to be shifted. Master and my submission should be priority.

I’ve been slacking. I’m frustrated. Master has been slacking. It’s all falling away and I don’t want it too. God I need to force myself to be just right, be there for him and most of all be me. I know I have it in me.

–luna

The pleasure in Master’s face on his birthday should have been more than enough. Yet, yesterday he questioned his intentions. In so doing, he confused me, and now I’m thinking a lot about it.

Master wanted me to be his pleasure slut for his birthday; to be willing and able for whatever sexual pleasure he wished. I sucked, stroked and fucked him with all the pleasing nature I could muster. Turns out; it’s not what he wanted. He’s seen it before and truly that’s all he wants from me one day. There’s a charge in a submissive, a slut when we do something without asking, out of pure happiness and the desire to please. He wanted the lust, the carefree girl; not the service submissive he received.

Now he’s tried to assure me many times that he was still happy with his birthday but this show of emotions last night has me second guessing whether or not I will ever got to that point for him. I want to be fired with lust, but can I really store that energy and release it on command. That’s the ultimate goal. For him to say, “slut, blow job now” and I turn on that lusty stare instead of the service slave look he currently gets.

I love Master dearly and want to please him. I love feeling at ease with my submission and it’s getting easier every day, but how do I get to that point that he wants me to be? How do I work towards something I can not harness on my own?

–luna

Today is Master’s birthday. It’s a day he’s been planning for about a week. Today I am to be his sex slut whenever he wants me. I have to say yes every time he wants a blow job, I am to be available for all sorts of sexual pleasures and my main goal today is pleasing him. So far I think I’ve done an okay job. Cum still makes me gag big time so blow jobs are a hard thing for me; and he plans on more before the day is out. He also wants regular sex and anal sex before the day is out. Hell I’m going to be worn out, smelly and sweaty. What a day!

All in all I think Master’s day should be a good one. He’s going to get a huge steak for dinner at his favorite restaurant and and willing and able slut at home. What more could a man want? What’s that? I really big birthday cake? Oh yes, he’s got a huge Chocolate Dream cake. At 450 calories a sliver, I’ll be very careful when eating with him. I’m still working on getting to my end of year goal and no birthday cake is going to cause me to loose the battle!

I’ve done some work on the Iron Gate I’d like to tell people about. The Bloglist page has been redone. It is one of my more popular pages so I knew it needed a revamp. I have added descriptions to the blogs as well as an RSS Aggretator. It works a lot like feedburner. If you have an RSS feed for your blog, I take that and show snippets of your most recent posts. That way people can read what you’ve written recently and then go off to your blog to read the entire post. I think that this might bring more people to other’s blogs and show a bit more community with those blogging. Take a look at it, I have over 100 blogs listed so far. If you want your blog added, just email me the details and I will get it up there ASAP.

–luna

In my previous post I wrote about an essay that I read and am thinking about. Yesterday was a good example of what not to do.

I got up in what I thought was a good mood and then I read my email from the client that I’m doing the site for. His email made me angry and frustrated and instead of letting it go I blew it up; woke Master up at 6am to gripe about it, fumed all the way to work and didn’t let it go when I got home. I’ve been depressed the past week or so and my attitude for that has been antisocial, antisex, antiservice. Because of my behavior Master interpreted it to mean that I didn’t lust after him anymore, that I wasn’t attracted to him and plain didn’t want him.

It’s so far from the truth. I think about him all the time. I would love to please and be pleased by him for years to come. I find him so sexy and many times I try to see what he sees in me when he could have any other woman. I feel inadequate for him, that he could do so much better than me. I know he’d say that he doesn’t someone else, he loves me and wants to be with me.

So much love between each other; I don’t know how I made him feel that he wasn’t needed anymore. In any case I could have taken my mood and turned it into pleasing him. I could have found it more important to make him happy and feel loved instead of dwelling on my own attitude and down feeling. I didn’t. In fact I enhanced my depression by moping around, pushing him away and hiding online doing web work.

He’s been asking for a blowjob for 3 days now. I’ve avoided him. I keep thinking I’m not in the mood; the point being it has no bearing on pleasing him. He would be so much happier if I had just knelt, said, “Yes Master I’d be happy to” and do it. It may have had a better effect on myself as well. I guess we’ll see. Today is the last day he’ll put it off; It’s on my agenda for the day.

Master’s birthday is Saturday and he has hoped for a willing, pliable slut for the day. With my mood he wants to postpone it, but I’ve been looking forward to it for almost a week now. I’d really like to just see how I am on Saturday and go from there. A birthday only comes once a year.

–luna

This isn’t going to be a long post, but I just wanted to share a really good essay that I discovered on a friend’s website. It has moved me to thinking the past week or so and hopefully will continue to move me to something good in the near future. It’s titled “Two Words” and you can find it here: http://www.houseofcavalier.com/two_words.html . I’d like to include a bit of it here just so you can see why it’s moved me so much.

So I offer this to all of you in hopes that what works for me, may in kind work for you.

If you are angry and you feel as if you are about to explode, then please him.

If you cannot sleep and feel restless and edgy then please him.

If you have reached a point where you don’t feel you can cope – then please him.

If you experience jealousy or envy and you’re overcome with seeing red, then please him.

Even if you are angry with him, as difficult as it may sound – take a moment, focus, remember your purpose, and use that energy in any and every way you can to please him.

And when you think you’ve done everything you can to please him, do more.

I’m going to leave it at that and let me tell you that I have a lot more thinking ahead of me.

–luna

Master has noted that I’ve been off today, not quite myself but not bad either. I’ve not noticed a thing; perhaps it’s his Master ESP. The fact is I’ve been feeling just different than lately not because anything has or hasn’t happened but just cranking away at what hasn’t been done that I enjoy doing and ignoring all that I hate doing. Just for the sake of doing it.

Master things it might be because we’ve both been having what he calls ‘Loner Days’. These are days that, as he puts it, we just want to do things alone. Since we rarely get time away from each other that we aren’t both at work, this is how we deal with it. Coming together occasionally for sex or a quick pat on the ass then back to whatever we were doing. Perhaps this could be linked to my mood, but I highly doubt it. I’ve not given this weekend a second thought.

Yesterday I redid Sensual Service. It looks the same but I’ve changed the way content works, added sections, removed other sections and all over changed it. I encourage everyone to go take a look at it. It’s linked on the left for The Iron Gate and on the right for LJ. Please feel free to click on the bdsm-gear ad… I get money by click thru

The Iron Gate is up next on the change block. I’m working on adding descriptions to every essay I have listed (189 at last count) which means a lot of reading to do. I’m also going to hopefully redo the blogs page so that it’s nicer, easier for people to find interesting blogs and whatnot. We’ll see how things turn out when I get to them.

I’ve been slacking on getting the Letters to Master up here on a regular basis, for those of you who enjoy them; I apologize. I will work harder to get them up here as soon as they are approved in the future. I’m only writing them once a week now so, while they aren’t as frequent they are still worth reading.

Website work is being a pain. This client continues to add more to my list of things to do; of course he’s paying, but really I’d like to just be done. Let’s just say much more and I’m going to cut him off, money or no. Hopefully I can get a mess of work done on it this week and get paid again for the changes.

My other job, my ‘real’ job still is pending for going to full time. I might know something early next month and if it’s a yes I get to breathe a sigh of relief and also gear up for more workload. As they have indicated, more hours means more work to do. I guess I’m ready for anything!

–luna

Name 5 things in your freezer at the moment…

1. Home made vegetable beef soup
2. Cheap frozen pizza
3. Stir fry mix
4. Leftover meatloaf
5. Icepops

•Do you believe in afterlife?

Yes

•What are 5 sites you visit daily?

1. www.fitday.com
2. www.gmail.com
3. www.amazon.com
4. luna-km.livejournal.com/friends
5. www.taking-it-off.com

•Five things you ate that you will never eat again:

1. Beouf tartare
2. Raw egg
3. Chocolate covered grasshoppers (it was a dare)
4. Peas
5. My mother’s Shepard’s Pie

•Five things that make you happy:

1. Netflix in the mail
2. Surprise hugs and kisses
3. Going to munch
4. Time with Master
5. Loosing weight

tagging:

asis

kaya (I know you can’t post these, but I bet you could put it in a comment… *hint*)

good girl

puzzle

I asked Master to compile the stats for my websites last night so I could see how they are doing and I am so surprised and proud of my efforts as they are starting to pay off! I’d like to share a few of them here, so if you aren’t interested, don’t click on the cut.

Continue reading →

With four weeks until the end of the year, it’s no wonder that I’m thinking about New Year Resolutions. Last year’s resolutions were to work on getting healthy and loosing weight, graduate with a 3.0 or above and get a job that will contribute to our struggle to live. As it stands; I’ve lost 20 lbs this last year- 40 overall, I graduated with a 3.4 GPA and I have a part time job that promises to go full time. If it does I will be making enough money to pay all our bills on my own (which means more wiggle room for our money).

I’m trying to come up with realistic resolutions for this coming year. I tend to drop them around March if they are too off the wall. Keep them tame and I just might make them. I’m thinking that bad habits might be the focus this year. I have a few habits that I’d like to break. I’m not sure if I’ll succeed, but I could try.

The first habit I’d like to actually develop may seem gross to some of you. I would like to get into the habit of brushing my teeth. Yes, I know. When you grow up in a family as I did; hygiene really wasn’t enforced. If you picked it up great, if not, oh well you were just part of the trailer trash around you. I used to brush more often. Never daily but certainly more than I do now. Why is it that when you have other things to focus on the first things to go is care for your own person? I’d really like to get back to caring for numero uno. After all, I do that and I’m caring for Master’s most important person as well.

Secondly I’d like to get into the habit of folding clothes immediately out of the dryer. I have a load of laundry (towels) that has been in the basket since I washed/dried them last Saturday. Over a week ago. Ugh and what do I do? I move them to the other side of the room when they are in the way. Right now I have 3 loads of clean, albeit wrinkled clothes in my living room. I’m such a slob.

And that’s just the start. You can’t rebuild what you learned as a child in a day, but I know that with effort I can slowly break the cycle of the messy, nasty child I was and become the clean and orderly submissive that Master deserves.

–luna

Just 25 days till Christmas, and I’m starting to become an excited little naughty elf. I’m giddy whenever the kiddie Christmas cartoons come on, I’m planning on doing a little decorating this weekend and I hope to be able to give Master his first Christmas gift since we’ve been together this year. It’s gotten cold outside and the mornings are crisp with frost. One morning it might be snow. It’s just that close.

For some reason this season just feels more magical. While the normal everyday stresses are there, the sense that with Christmas everything will be alright is so powerful. I don’t know what it is but I feel that nothing can keep me from having the Christmas Spirit.

Now I don’t have a whole lot to really do for Christmas. I’m not giving presents to anyone but my Master this year. I’m just not close to my family anymore, and those that I am close with know my financial situation and prefer that I not spend any money on them. I know that I could craft things for them, but I’m out of most supplies too. I don’t even think I have glue in the house. No, this year will be practical. It will be about spending time with Master, perhaps getting him a gift and dreaming of Christmas’ that we have all the money we need to live on, he has the job of his dreams, I’m contented and in his collar and perhaps very happy.

Happy Holidays everyone!

–luna