I submit. I don’t do it for vanity or pride, I do it because I need to, I want to and it brings out the inner strength in me. I am not submissive in any other situation other than ones involving Master. I find myself extremely strong-willed and independent. Master says that he likes that in me. It means that I don’t have to be micromanaged. What if there are cases where I’d like to be micromanaged? How do I present myself, prepare myself for surrender and then achieve the tight control the management would require? I don’t try hard enough to change and improve for him. I am too focused on things that may not improve myself in the long run. I need to be better for Him, I need to find focus.
I realize this all seems random, sometimes my mind does this to me. All I feel like doing it pouring it out and sorting it later. I know that Master reads these and perhaps he will understand it better than I can.
There are days like today where I find I have a bit of extra time on my hands and I don’t know what to do with myself, my mind runs though the idealist view of the life I want and I try to find ways I can make things happen. When I first met Master, he seemed too young to know what to do. He has since proved me wrong, and for that I am grateful. Have I grown? Can I change more for him? Yes, I know I can. I just have to find that focus.
The submissive site that I have been talking about is scheduled to be debuted December 1st. I am hoping to have a few banners so that anyone that wants to can spread the news. It will be a community effort and I hope someday will be worth visiting again and again. Work and long hours of dedication are at hand. Anyone that wants to help me, please feel free to chime in.
Would you want to be trained (in whatever areas applied) by someone who you were not owned by? Why or why not? In what areas? – from Kindlings
Now this is an interesting thought… yes, there are areas that I would like to be trained in that I could learn from someone other than my Master. I think that the art of dinner service or hostessing would be an elegant way of showing my love and respect to my Master, but I would have to go elsewhere to learn it. I would be willing to learn from someone else if it were allowed, but I feel that it would not be. I am always looking for ways I can improving my service to Master.