Reflection in the Mirror

Today I as awoke I had the feeling that I needed to take inventory on my life and the direction it’s going. I am unsure why, but I find myself thinking about it more often now that I am almost done with school and Master has regular jobs (although the payments for said jobs are few and far between).

I’ve been working on dieting. I sure hate to call it dieting. A diet to me is something short term that you will eventually stop doing and resume your daily life. This is more of a life change for me. I have never had the energy or desire to do this before even though I knew I should. I began dieting the last week of September, as of today I will begin my lifechange. I must convert my eating habits into regular ways of thinking and eating. I want to be healthy, I want to loose weight and I want to be more active. These are all goals, that at the moment, while exciting, seem so far away. This last week I strayed quite a bit from my 1800 cal. a day to get to almost 2000. I have read on more than one occasion that to loose weight safely you need to cut/burn 500 cal. a day. From my normal intake that would be dropping it to 1800. I have to work harder on achieving this. I am finding it too easy to cloud my judgment and just eat that extra sausage patty or fill my plate without any veggies. This has to stop. I have to remind myself of my goal. I want to loose 15 lbs. by Christmas. Yes, I know that holidays are difficult, but they are less difficult if you are going nowhere and not seeing any family. I am in control of purchasing food, and there will be less sweets in this house. My exercise routine is coming along. I really enjoy going to the gym with my friend and I hope we can find a time that matches both of us next semester to do it again. I am however at a loss at home exercise. I really don’t enjoy the few tapes I have. I have the need to exercise, so I’m going to try to find a chart of a full body workout (at home) that I can do during commercials on the tv and for short times throughout the day. The more calories I’m able to burn the better for me. Besides, I can’t say no to more muscle More muscle = more calories burned + higher metabolism. Last week’s goal was to get the water intake up. While it isn’t as high as I want it (7 or more glasses a day) I am regularly reaching 6 glasses a day and that makes me happy. I will continue to work on that this week. My new goal is to watch my calories again. I have to stay under 1800 to loose the weight I want to.

School is going well. I have a big research project I want to get started on, as I hate putting things off to the last minute. I am going to stay on campus 2 days this week to work on getting information and figuring out just how to lay out this paper. I have also come to the decision that I need to relax more when it comes to homework. I am needing breaks more often because I am just stressed to the gills about the amout and difficulty level of most of my homework that then I am exhausted and irritable and that affects the way I am around Master. While I have yet to actually skip a class, I have a terribel urge to do it and find out the punishment that would be waiting here at home if I did. I have just one semester left and then I will have my degree. A degree that I really don’t know what to do with. I never went to school with a career goal in mind. I went because I wanted to learn, I wanted to be the first in my family to have one and I wanted to get out of the poverty class and into middle class. I’m so tired of being poor. This degree can be a lifeline to better wages and a happier life if I deal my cards right.

Master is signing a contract with his work today to take on more regular work. He will be receiving as payment 15% of the company’s profits each month. I hope that will help us in the long run with the money issues we seem to constantly have anymore. I also work for this company, on a lower scale, and am looking forward to the next job to land on my desk. I’ve had the itch to work.

In fact, I have designed another website that will benefit submissive women, when I get it going. Angel had the idea when we were chatting and I took the ball and ran with it. I hope she will like the results. I’m counting on submissives and slaves from all over to contribute to the site, or it will never get off the ground. It will be a community someday. I just have to find the right mix of resources and interaction with users. I hope to have the site done, barring other things end of next month. The domain I want is available, if anyone wants to give me an early Christmas present (cheeky grin) The domain costs $9.00 and you can send it to my paypal account. Heh. Oh, and since I know Angel reads my blog, here’s what I have so far for the website. I’m having a blast coding it, but now I’m in for the hard parts and I kinda just stare at the screen dreading the difficulty of it.

I’ve seen online news about the FBI cracking down on sexually explicit and obscene websites. I believe, from what I read they are raiding and shutting down sites all over, and they have an item or goal as it were, that may affect me if they find the sites I do offensive. They want to remove sites that feature or promote SM activity. I find this a silly endeavor, that the US thinks they can police the website, which is international, with their beliefs and thoughts on what is offensive and what isn’t. I will be watching the news on this one. If anyone sees news about this, I’d love to get it in my mailbox.

I’m giving a BDSM presentation once again for the Human Sexuality class on campus next month. I do hope that what I present will again provide awareness to the class about who we are and that we are normal (if not slightly more healthy) than the average jill and joe. I am currently looking for partners to come with me, but being that I just announced it to the groups I’m in this past week, It’s early yet. I have a Power Point Presentation that I use. I’m thinking of reworking it, but heck, I’ve used it 4 times now and no one has said they didn’t like it. I’ll have to see.

I’ve not been working as hard as I could on the new rules that I have set for me. I know it is beginning to irritate Master and perhaps it is time to reprimand me, scold me or something. I’m suppose to call him Master with every question, answer, request and reply respectfully all other times. I am finding that I do it as an afterthought or not at all, and I still get caught calling him lovey dovey names like baby and sweetie too many times. Perhaps the only way to get it in my head is through stern punishments.

–luna

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