September 2005

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First D/s Forum

Tonight is the first D/s forum for my local group since the summer break. I coordinate these on a monthly basis and love doing them. Dominants and submissives get together with each other to talk about issues in the lifestyle, from basics to more complex issues. Today for the submissives, it’s a basic topic: Limits, safewords, negotiations. I think the Dominants are talking about poly service-based relationships. Both should draw a decent group tonight. I love learning and sharing like this.

Next Friday is Master’s and my anniversary. He says he has something in mind for it so we will just have to see when the time comes. One year together and so many more to come. :)

First Week Success!

I have awesome news for everyone. I weighed myself yesterday, marking a week of dieting (almost the longest I have ever gone) and I have lost 4 lbs! Granted I am sure most of that was water weight, I’m not complaining. I’m still going strong and watching every single thing I eat, exercising 5 times a week… well walking most of it, but I am enjoying going to the gym with *L*. I would like to thank those of you that are sending me encouragments and diet and exercise tips. It means a lot to get that little boost in motivation. I am 6 lbs. from my Halloween goal and still have 5 weeks to do it! Master was so proud of me :)

As far as school, I will continue to have a lot of homework every day, but I’m finding time to enjoy being home with Master here and now just have to work in housecleaning in my new full life. One thing at a time right? I need to clean… badly. I’m so glad Master understands that there are only so many hours in the day!

My cats seem to know when I get up it’s time to be frisky and fiesty and play. I love watching them play and chase themselves around the house. They are my joy and on days that I feel down, they know how to cuddle up and give me their love. Animals are a wonderful thing.


Just a check-in

From the Yahoo group: Supporting Submissive Women (

What have you done lately to honor yourself?

I have begun a diet to make myself healthy and to feel better about myself. I have also started going to the gym with a friend. It’s great affirmation to have fitness goals and try to surpass them. I hope to loose 10 lbs by Halloween.

What have you done lately to honor your Dominant?

I have vowed to spend more time with him and re prioritize my life so that I don’t feel so needy with no where to go. I will tell him when I am feeling the need to be together and I think it should work both ways.

What are you struggling with right now and/or what do you need encouragement for?

Well, the diet is a big one. I sure hate the word diet, well, it’s a life change more like it. I need to make this new way of living permanent if I want to be healthy and happy for my Master.

What triumphs have you had recently that you want to share with us?

I have stayed under 1800 calories every day last week! That is a super goal breaker. I wanted to stay under 2000, but this is even better. I weigh myself tomorrow to see if I lost any weight in my first week, but I don’t think I have. And I’m also retaining water….ugh.

How can we help and/or encourage you right now?

Keep reading and posting comments. I really wish I were more of a comment poster. I love reading other people’s blogs, but just never have anything to say. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate those of you who are loyal commenters. I should set that as a goal to reach… being more active in each other’s blogs… yes, someday I will do just that.


Finding Time to be Free

One week ago I started dieting. One week ago I made a decision to loose weight and get fit, for health’s sake. I am now finding the stress of dieting causing emotional stresses on my relationship, physical downfalls in the bedroom, and a constant hunger I can’t ignore.

Master and I have been almost like silent living partners this week. I know that part of it was the medication that I am weaning myself off of, but I also know that diet stress has me cranky, homework has me not smiling often enough for him, and that constant hunger has me short tempered. I’m not focused on the right things, I am getting annoyed because I don’t feel like sex right now, and I know that Master misses that physicalness. He asks me constantly what is wrong and for all the world I wish I really knew. I hope that my emotional state improves more or I will be spending a lot of time in the bad subbie mindset.

I’m doing terribly at the new rule enforced (addressing Master when required and being more polite). I know that soon he is going to be at the end of his patience as well and I will begin to be punished for forgetting. I’m not sure how to be more attentive to him when I have so much other things going on, but I need to try.

I need to re prioritize my life. School work has to take a second chair to Master and my relationship. I need to develop that so that we may live life easier. I only have this year left of school. I hope to spend a lot more time with Master. If that means making schedules for myself allotting time to spend with Master vs. homework I will do so. At the moment I am spending 4 hours a day studying, sometimes more and Master is working and doing his own thing, leaving me alone to my frustrations. In fact what would really save me is some special together time. I have to find time to do that.

Tomorrow evening is a local munch that Master and I will go to, and then Sunday is the member’s meeting for the other group to elect new officials. I don’t have a lot of time for studying this weekend, and I guess I have overworked myself this week so that I don’t have to stress come Monday about work I couldn’t get done.

Can someone please slow the clocks down? I need more time, just a bit more time.


Someday, hopefully soon, I am going to remember to address Master correctly. For about 2 weeks now, since the start of my new rules, I have been failing miserably. I am supposed to address Master whenever I ask a question, answer a question or reply to an order. I haven’t done a good job and I know that Master is getting annoyed. I don’t know how to fix it other than to try and do it all the time, and then work on backing off. He’s having to constantly remind me. One day he’ll decide the break in period is over and I will be punished for forgetting. I dread that day now, if I don’t get any better.

My shoulder is getting better. These meds are horrible though. I am constantly tired, always dizzy and it’s so hard to focus in class. My sex drive is 0 and I’m not being very attentive at all. I’m going to start weaning myelf off of the pain meds this weekend, if I can. I want to be normal again. I’m tired of being tired.

The Iron Gate is about to step into another phase. I have 3 people volunteering to do an advice column. They will answer anonymous questions and discuss topics pertaining to many different issues, from play issues, service and submission and relationships. They all have wonderful experiences to share. I’ll keep you posted when the columns are open for questions. I hope to have new columns posted every month.

I have other ways that you can contribute to the Gate, if you are reading this and wondering if you could help with my BDSM resource.

1. Essay writer. I am looking for your personal lifestyle
essays, your how-to’s and any other BDSM related writings.
Whether you have just one, or you love to write, I’d love to
have your work on my website. Author retains copyright.

2. I’m looking for someone to be an “Ask the Expert.” This page
has yet to be developed in full, but it will host advice and
question answering from all ranges of people, and all sorts of
questions. This would be a regular “job” in that when there
aren’t questions to answer, there are basic information ideas,
I’d like explored. I’d like to post a new “Ask the Expert”
section at least monthly. (I’m now looking for only unique perspectives.)

3. Poets and Story writers. Become a featured writer at the Gate
and all your poetry, BDSM/Lifestyle related prefered but not
required, will be hosted for all the world to see. Stories are
also welcome and can be of a slightly kinky nature up to the
extreme. Author retains copyright.

4. BDSM Humorist. I have begun searching the web for BDSM humor.
Comics, jokes and snippets from online chat rooms are welcome.
They must contain some copyright information, so that it’s not
stolen. If you know jokes by heart, they can be attributed to
you. Send me your jokes and comics. Yes, I’m asking you to spam me with comedy.

5. Book reviewers would write short 400 word or less reviews
about BDSM related materials both fiction and nonfiction. They
would also be responsible for helping me expand the bookshelf

Thanks for reading, and please consider donating, even just one item to the Iron Gate. Help me make it a worthwhile, dynamic resource that people will want to visit again and again.


Effort comes from within

Today was my first day exercising at the campus wellness center. I really liked it and actually had thoughts of me doing it frequently. I will look forward to *L* and my workout days. I did about 10 min on the stationary bike and 10 min of weight machines, then for cool down I walked the track for another 10 min. All in all a great day.

Classes weren’t half bad either.

I have a test in Translation tomorrow. I’m not sure if there really is a way to study for it. I mean you either translate or you don’t. We’ll see how it goes.

I’ve been pretty grumpy with these meds I’m taking for my shoulder. They make me really drowsy, dizzy, and antisocial. I know Master has said on more than one occasion that he doesn’t like how I act with meds on board.

The effort to diet has to come from within. I have no choice but to seek that small place in myself that enjoyed exercising today and bring it out more often. I know that there will be trials, temptations and cravings. I just have to be prepared to fight back… with effort.


Diet version 2.0

I went to the dr. yesterday. For the past week I have had a severe shoulder pain that needed some answers. The pain goes up my neck into my temples and down my arm to tingle in my fingers. He told me that it’s like tendonitis only the muscles tense up and cause pain. He prescribed a muscle relaxant at night so I can sleep and a pain reliever for the daytime. Both of them make my extremely tired and dizzy. I hope I can make it through the school day on them.

The other news he had for me however is what made me very nervous. First, I have gained weight. I am now at the highest I have ever been… 342lbs. With that my High Blood Pressure has come back. He checked it 3 times will in the office and the lowest it got was 120/110. That’s so very bad. I will be going to the dr. on campus in 3 weeks to have it checked and if it’s still high I will be going on the meds I was on for a few years after I went off Depo.

So, I came home and told Master the news and asked his advice if I were to try to go back on a diet. He said in a calm voice, “You won’t be allowed to quit this time.” I guess that means it’s a command now. My motivation and initiative this time is to get healthy. I don’t want to have to fear diabetes, heart disease or anything else with something I can hopefully prevent. My short term goal is 10 lbs by Halloween, 50 lbs lost by Valentine’s day. I want to get down to 200 lbs. I have that as a 2 year goal. I just have to keep this on a day to day basis. I need to battle it one day at a time.

I have done well on my diet today, as expected. Ask me again in 4 days and I may be struggling. I have a new exercise plan as well. My friend *L* and I are going to the campus wellness center on Mondays and Fridays to work out for a half hour. I will be responsible to work out the rest of the week on my own.

I have a diet journal and tracker at FitDay. If you are interested in being my diet support/coach and helping keep my motivation up I’d appreciate it. Send me an email and I will give you the link to my journal so you can help track my progress. I’m also looking for creative ideas for someone that doesn’t eat fruit and rarely eats veggies. I have to get them in my diet somehow.

A Short update

I have a lot of reading to do tomorrow and this weekend. I hope that I can get as much of it done as possible so that I can have some rest.

Tomorrow I go to the doctor about my sore shoulder. I am thinking it is a rotary cuff injury of some sort. I’ll know more tomorrow. I’m just ready to be out of pain.

Next week fall will arrive and the onslaught of beetles and bugs will ensue. I am sure my kitties will love chasing them, but for me they will be an annoyance.

Anyone have any questions for me? I feel like answering whatever you can throw at me.


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