July 2005

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Well, so I have a toothache, and I thank those that left me notes on how to live with it till I can get to a dentist. I’m certain that they will come to good use.

And yet from the title you know that isn’t the only problem that I now face. Sometimes I wonder where all these trials come from… In the past I have injured my back, a slipped disk just above my pelvis. Well, yesterday I was washing my hair in the kitchen sink (I have no shower so I improvise), and as I was bent there, my back gave this really bad feeling and then pop! I was in extreme pain, rinsed quickly and called for Master’s help to lay down. I have been spending most of yesterday and today on my back (and not happy about it either) hoping that I recover soon. If it’s not any better by Monday I will go to the Dr for pharmacy meds.

Master will be finishing the next project this weekend, just in time to pay the rent, thank goodness. Then we won’t be struggling for awhile, as money will be flowing in from places all this next month as I prepare for school and he gets a few more down payments for jobs he has coming up. Yay!

Ok, now… for Blogathon, I am still looking for those that want to support the NCSF. I’m hoping to get $100 by the time of the event and I have a ways to go yet. Please consider donating. http://www.blogathon.org/blogathon.php?campaign&id=178

Thank you.


Toothache Pain

Ok, so I had a nice post planned for today but right now my toothache is horrid, so I’d like to know from everyone out there what are some ways to alleviate the pain? I can’t afford the dentist right now, it has to wait a bit, so I need ways to keep it from hurting too badly. Any suggestions would be wonderful.


Blogathon 2005

I have just registered with Blogathon 2005!

This is an annual event where bloggers must write entries every half hour for 24 hours on the day of the event to raise money for their favorite charity. I have selected the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. The day of the event is August 6th, 2005 starting at 8am CST.

Blogathon is an excellent idea and I hope that you will pledge to my campaign. The minimum pledge is $1 and it’s a lump sum payment, not ‘every entry’ type. You can pledge to my campaign by clicking the big red banner image in the upper left box.

If you would like to know more about the NCSF: “The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom is a national organization committed to creating a political, legal, and social environment in the United States that advances equal rights of consenting adults who practice forms of alternative sexual expression. NCSF is primarily focused on the rights of consenting adults in the SM-leather-fetish, swing, and polyamory communities, who often face discrimination because of their sexual expression.” — from their Website.

I would be honored if my regular visitors would support me and my efforts to raise money with blogathon for the NCSF.


My best friend and I had a wonderful time. I think that while she is still in the state she will be calling me regularly to let me know what she is up to and how she is fairing with her mom, whom she doesn’t get along well with. I really missed her and her son. It was a blast! We went to go see “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” I suggest it to anyone. I loved it, nothing like the first one, so much closer to the book this time and Johnny Depp is wonderful. Go see it!

I need to be harder on myself to exercise. My diet has fallen flat and I know it’s my lack of initiative and motivation. I don’t know what to do to get me to move at all. This really sucks.


Master expressed to me that he is getting bored with our sexual relationship. I find that I am a major cause of this. He has asked me for months now to try to be more spontaneous, to initiate sex and to be more active in foreplay. These things are a challenge but not impossible. I don’t know how I got so lazy in sex, it’s not that I don’t enjoy myself or want to please. I guess with past experiences and the attitude that I have it just seems easier to be passive.

I’m terrible at spontaneity. I prefer planning and organization. I make lists upon lists to get through my day. I like to know what to expect what to do and being spontaneous isn’t really in the plan. I do want to surprise him, but I’m terrible if I don’t plan it. I guess I really don’t listen to impulse. How does one change in that respect? Is there a way to teach myself to be more free with time?

I know why I don’t initiate sex. In past relationships, I was the only one who initiated sex, and it got to be a drag. I don’t do it now, partically because of the feelings I have with the past about this aspect. It’s not that I can’t initiate, it’s that I choose not to. *sigh* I have a lot of work to do.

Active foreplay is another fun one… I am quite a large woman, and I find it very hard work to play *lol* I guess I am just lazy here, there is no real reason why I don’t do more in the bedroom.

I don’t think this is just my problem though. If he is bored with sex, maybe we need to add more variation, do things differently try new things, BDSM play more, add another element, lord knows what else. I’d love some suggestions. This week I’m out of commission because of my monthly visitor almost incompacitates me, but next week I hope to try some relighting of the fire that I know is there, kindled and waiting.


Best Friend

I’m wiped. My best friend was here all day and it was wonderful. We went out to lunch and then walked around the mall. I think Master and she got along well. I can’t wait to see her tomorrow, she is staying the night. I missed her son too, it was so great to spend the day with them.

I’m so tired though, I think I’m going to bed early.


Being Freaky

Copy this entire list into your blog/journal.
BOLD everything about you that is true.
Leave plain anything that is false about you.
Put an asterisk (*) at the end of false statements you would LIKE to be true.

I am bi-sexual.
My spouse or lover is aware of my orientation.
My spouse or lover has watched me have sex with someone of my gender.*
I have had sex while wearing a blindfold.
I have blindfolded someone else during sex.
I have had sex while watching porn.
I have had sex while surfing porn on the Internet.
I sleep better after sex.
There are some nights I cannot sleep without sex or masturbating.
The bed is NOT my most favorite place to have sex.
I am turned on knowing someone is watching me have sex.*
I am turned on knowing someone is watching me masturbate.
I have masturbated for my spouse or lover while on the phone.
I have masturbated for someone over a web cam.
I have had sex over a web cam.
I will have sex with someone I just met if they turn me on.
I have been tied up during sex.
I have had sex with someone who was tied up.
I have dripped wax onto a lover’s body.*
I have had a lover drip wax onto my body.
I have a foot fetish.
I have a leather fetish.*
I have a tickle fetish.
I like being choked during sex.
I have had sex in a burning building.
I like having my nipples squeezed during sex.
I have erotic art on display somewhere in my residence.*
I enjoy nudie magazines.
Erotic toys are a regular part of my budget.*
I think PLAYBOY is tame, maybe even boring.
I have clicked on porn links in my email.
I know the difference between girl/girl and lesbian sex in porn.
I have watched more than one gay/lesbian porn video.
Much of what I know about sex comes from porn.
Interracial sex turns me on.

I have had interracial sex with someone of my gender.
I want my spouse or lover to have an interracial sex experience.
I want to watch my spouse or lover have an interracial sex experience.
I think we should do more to understand the cultures of sex.
I would participate in sex research given the opportunity.

My current lover does not sufficiently meet my sexual needs.
I currently have a “crush” on someone of the same sex.
I have had sex at my place of employment.
I have had sex with someone from my place of employment.
I have had sex with a former co-worker of my gender.
I am often disappointed in my sexual relationships. (have been in the past)
Some people might describe me as a nymphomaniac.
I am difficult to live with if I’m not having sex on a regular basis.
I sleep better with someone snuggled up next to me.
I have had sex under water.
I have had sex in the snow.
I am in a polyamorous relationship.
I have to have music playing while having sex.
I have had more than ten orgasms in one night.
I have flashed strangers.
I have given sex as a gift.
I have set-up a three-way for my lover.
I stopped during this list to have sex.


OK, so as I promised, yesterday Master and I had a talk while riding back from a bar meet. He says it is time for him to assert more control, that he isn’t comfortable with how he is with me. He wants to be more dominant and in turn to make me more pliable and submissive for him. It will be a large challenge and I don’t doubt that there will be conflicts as we both adjust.

He believes that if he shows more force and control, that I will adjust and become more pleasing and service him as he wishes. It’s all a process, and I think that now that money isn’t so constricting it is time to focus on us. He wants to work in more playtime; sadly that has been lacking the past few months, but he’s noticably more frisky and I like that.

My feelings on the adjustment are thus:

I’m nervous, as I always struggle against change, no matter how badly I want it to begin with. Those that have been reading this since the beginning know that I am very independent because of my past. I know I want to please him, I know I am not at that place in my role that makes me comfortable with who I am and who I am with Master. I have a lot of growing before I reach that place that will make me feel perfectly in my role.

Master has said that he notices the changes in me and is very proud to know that I want and can change and mold myself to his desires. He brought up an example that I didn’t even think anything of until he placed it in the conversation last night. A few night’s ago, it was really warm and I had the fan on high while I slept and when he comes to bed he usually turns it down as the sound bothers him. I was cranky because of the heat and when I jolted awake after he turned it down I shot out of bed and moved the fan closer, snapping to him that I was hot and then just sat there in front of the fan. I have to admit that I was thinking of some nasty things to say to him, and pondering waiting till he fell asleep and then turning the fan back on. All these things culminated in one moment of, “I don’t want him mad at me.” So I did the only thing that would make us both happy. I moved myself to the sofa and the other fan blowing right on me while I slept. I realize I missed sleeping with Master, but this way we both slept in our ‘ideal’ environments and there was no conflict. Master reminds me that when he first arrived, I would have told him how it was going to be and balked at adjusting at all. So, that in itself is a change. Interesting huh?

So, as far as I’m concerned I think I’m ready for the next difficult step in our development and can’t wait to see which way Master wants me to mold now.



Master presented me with some thoughts on the way home from the bar meet tonight. He wants to be more assertive and wants me to be more submissive. So, we will be working on our positions in our relationship. With any changes there will be struggle at first and I know that Master has expressed apprehension in the conflicts that I’m sure will arise as we adjust to newly defined roles and strengths.

It is really late, and I know that Master wanted a detailed blog about my thoughts on this, but I also know he wants me in bed now, so I will continue this on the marrow. Goodnight.


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