Master has been offered a large slew of jobs. I hope he can work hard enough to get them done in a timely manner. I worry about his commitment to work. I know there are some days he works hard and others he barely works. OH well, nothing I can say about it.
There have been storms every night for about a week. We are overfilled with water and I hate storms, the unnerve me. I just get so jumpy around storms. I’m glad Master is here for that… some comfort.
I am still working on my vanilla friendly page, it should be mostly done in 2 weeks or so. Not that anyone will be looking at it, but that’s life.
Master has finally purchased his domain for the control panel he is making for gaming servers.
“I’m rash and impulsive. It’s a flaw.”
What “Buffy” Character Are You?
No, this post isn’t a long rant about following Master’s orders. I am required to post every other day, or there are consequences. Since I have nothing to say really, nothing new, nothing on my mind, absolute boredom, this is just my required post. So, here it is Master… I’m following orders.
I’ve had 3 people note today that I’m awfully quiet. I’m not sure why I’m not my normal talkative self, but I find that there has to be days where your mind is elsewhere, or your thoughts just aren’t ready for speaking. I guess it could mean that I’m overwhelmed with worry, or that I’m not worrying at all. I have a lot of things I want to do, maybe I’m just trying to get that all together in my head. I really don’t know. Ever have a time where you just don’t feel like talking? Everything going through your mind just stays there. Maybe it’s a version of depression.
Last night there were some terrible storms that knocked out our power for a few hours. It was quite a lightening display for what I stayed up to watch of it. Master told me this morning that it woke him up a few times in the middle of the night. Now THAT is a storm. Master is a heavy sleeper. So, we could have hoped for a cooler day today, but no luck. Humid and hot yet again. *sigh* I really don’t like summer weather.
I’m working on judging a poetry contest I ran on AllPoetry.com. There are only 16 entries but I’m slowly going through them so that I’m fair in my comments and I pick the best ones. Good thing is that it’s my contest so that I can allow my opinion to sway my vote. I’m not sure if I will do another contest any time soon as it is a lot of work, but we shall see.
My period has smacked me down today and I’m feeling drained and exhausted. Somehow I have to work through it and get some things done. Thankfully most of them are computer things.
You may be wondering where my ponderings on my submission are lately. It’s pretty hard to feel submissive when there are other more basic worries. Don’t fear though, cause as soon as we are comfortable in life again my submission will be brought back to the forefront.
The heat in Iowa is all I’ve been talking about for days now, but I’d like to bring something up that has been baffling me lately about the heat of summer. It is obviously warmer in the south, but for understanding purposes, let’s just stick to where I live.
It’s about 90 degrees outside, I have one really old window air conditioner and it doesn’t get that much cooler in the apartment. There is the scene. Now the dilemma…
How in the world is someone supposed to have desire to have sex when you are sweating with just the idea of pressing your bodies together, and the work that is required, fun or not is just not pleasant when you are wiping sweat from your brow that had nothing to do with the activities at hand. It has been uncomfortable to even wear clothing, which neither of us are complaining about, but when you really can’t stomach being intimate in the heat then there is just something wrong… with the weather.
So I have decided that we are going to try to be playful in the evening and maybe the morning too (if I can get Master up). My sexual desire is at high levels and I need some release soon or I will just boil over myself!
Does anyone else feel like it’s just to hot to do anything?
You Are Opium!
You like to have fun and enjoy life. Reeeeeally enjoy life. If it isn’t fast, loud, or extreme forget it. You value friendship and are loyal and will not hesiste to go off if someone crosses you.
What Naughty My Little Pony Are You?
Summer has drained my energy and desire to do anything but stay cool. I’m not complaining really as it could be worse. It could be hotter than hot and oppressive humidity. I am very thankful to not be living in the southeast.
My energy level is also affected by my period which refuses to come. I’m just sitting here in PMS land; all bloated, and achy with cramps that are extremely annoying. My hunger for carbs and chocolate are almost deadly. I just wish it would come and get over it.
Money is still tight. Master has a few jobs in the works or awaiting payment and that’s always a good thing. I have admitted to not doing a really good job looking for a part time job myself, but as soon as he have a bit of free cash to spend on gas money that will change. I have scanned the papers and there are a couple of places that interest me. If my printer had ink, I’d be able to print off resumes and mail them to places.
I got the information from school that my financial aid problem has been resolved and I will be getting the aid I need for next school year. The date for the checks to be mailed is like August 23 I think. So we still have 2 months to get through before we have some bit of money ahead of the game (but temporary).
Master and I had a big fight over our financial situation and it was very tense there for a few. It’s a major issue and both of use had valid points, but we also acted very immature and said some things that weren’t nice. Hopefully we will be able to work through this and be more stable on our feet.
So, it’s supposed to be warm for the next few days, and I’m not looking forward to the noise this old air conditioner will be producing while we suffer in heat. I want a new window unit someday, but priorities are kinda jumbled right now. Master is working hard this weekend to try and get some of the jobs done that were handed to him last week. I know he wants to get as much work done while it’s here as possible, and I won’t stop him. It’s better to feel comfortable than struggle.
I have a feeling my period will be miserable this month. I’m already developing strong symptoms to a nasty time; bloating, cramps, back ache, head ache, body restlessness. Grr, these are the times I hate being a woman.
Well, after such informative posts previous and questions of who and what I am, how the relationship is going and so on, I really have nothing to say today.
I have spent most of the day laying around. I’m not feeling my best today, more of an exhaustion that only good sleep will solve. I hope to sleep in a bit tomorrow morning. In fact I’m ready to go to bed now, and will probably do so after I make sure I’ve done everything I’m supposed to today.
Anyone watch Iron Chef, both the old Japanese version and the America version? I love it, so interesting and worth checking out. It’s like a reality cooking show. Master is a bit addicted too, we have watched it every night for awhile.
So, here I am very very bored, exhausted but not sure why and really just needing to recover from not feeling well.
Master and I finally talked late last night. After a bit of more heated debate about my attitude and his position we calmed down and went through our needs and expectations of each other. If you don’t do this often with your partner you will never see what things change and how we grow with each other.
One of the things Master said was that he needs me to be spontaneous and initiate things sexually. This got him to the point that he said, “we have a problem.” If I can’t be spontaneous he was almost ready to throw in the towel? There has to be a way to open up myself. I’m a very organized person, planning is my friend. I have list upon list of practically everything. Now he wants me to not plan and just throw caution to the wind. I’m sure it’s possible, but I don’t know how to go about doing that. I will have to research and figure it out. I’m willing to change no matter how hard it is. Where do I start?
Master also told me that he doesn’t have the time to sit online reading about lifestyle relationships and he isn’t close enough to any other dominant to open up about how things are going with him, and express concerns, and learn. This bothers me. If Master doesn’t want to work at change, how are we to better ourselves and move in the right direction? I refuse to let this relationship stagnate. Does he refuse to change with me? Yes I am submissive to him, I have learning and molding to do… but what about him?
He said he is afraid to give me orders and commands if I’m not in the right frame of mind, that I would refuse and then not do it. He wants absolute control some day I know it, and I welcome it, but how can it be easy? I agree that I have problems submitting, and that there are times I am more receptive than others. Can you teach someone to become more strict than they already are? Can someone learn to take the natural dominance they have and enhance it to what they want?
So on the other side of the coin, how do I make myself more receptive to his wishes? Can I work on that on my own or do I need practice, discipline and order? I want him to have as much control over me as he wishes. I feel safe when he gives me orders, and better yet, I feel good about pleasing him. Yes I do have to work at being receptive, I am not easily swayed to do things. Does this make me a poor submissive, or not a submissive at all?