Monthly Archives: May 2005

Have you ever?

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Quiz/Tag

Have you ever?

( ) snuck out of the house
(x) gotten lost in your city
(x) seen a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides US
( ) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas
(x) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
( ) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
(x) swore at your parents
(x) been in love
(x) been close to love
(x) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
(x) skinny dipped
(x) skipped school
(x) seen a therapist
( ) done the splits
(x) played spin the bottle
(x) gotten stitches
(x) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone
( ) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
( ) crashed into a friend’s car
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
( ) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
(x) been fired
(x) had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
(x) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated Mardi-Gras in new Orleans
(x) been to Europe
( ) slept with a co-worker
(x) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) seen someone die
( ) had a close friend die
( ) been to Africa
(x) driven over 400 miles in one day
( ) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
( ) been to India
(x) been on a plane
(x) seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) thrown up in a bar
(x) purposely set a part of myself on fire
( ) eaten sushi
( ) been skiing/snowboarding
(x) met someone in person from the internet
( ) lost a child
(x) gone to college/university
( ) graduated college/university
( ) fired a gun
(x) purposely hurt yourself
(x) taken painkillers
( ) been intimate with someone of the same gender

Now I could tag someone, but because I took this from angel’s blog I’m not going to bother tagging anyone either.

–luna

submissives leaving the lifestyle

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So, there was a comment awhile ago, when I wasn’t really with it mentally about how I’ve noticed so many submissives that have blogs I’ve followed are throwing in the towel on the lifestyle. I am baffled at how someone can do that. I’ve had time to think about it and maybe I can understand them a bit better. I’ve made the decision almost 2 years ago to be lifestyle and nothing else. I could never go back to the vanilla life. I left a husband to persue my new life. I changed the way I live, I want to be different. I know I am happier than I was. I embraced the lifestyle with both hands and jumped in deep to be active and happy that way. Trust me, I am. I truely am.

Now these people that have given up give me pause. How can you give up a lifestyle that to me is so a part of me that it’d be like ripping my heart out. So, I had to try to place myself in their shoes. There are 3 kinds of people that I can think of that gives up the lifestyle. They are the players, the ones where real life gets in the way and ruins you, and then there are those that really weren’t heart felt lifestylers. I just can’t see anyone else leaving. (Now, before you start sending me hate mail, I’d like to remind you that this is a blog; not your blog, not a forum, but my blog. I can say whatever I like here, it is my opinion, my thoughts, and there is nothing you can say about it.)

The first person are players. They find themselves overwhelmed with the depth that the lifestyle goes and all they really wanted was the kinky sex. These people can only talk about the kinky sex they’ve had and the fact that their partner did this or that. The blogs are hollow as to their life outside the bedroom or playroom. I find their stories passionate and fun to read, but I don’t feel that they are really in it for the long haul to begin with.

The second person is the ones that let ‘real life’ get the best of them and decide to just not try anymore. This happens more often then you might think, and I feel it is the most common occurence. These people I feel really bad for. If you have been a regular follower of my blog you know that Master and I have had major issues with real life. It has been eating our time, our money, or passion, and our energy. I don’t see us giving up though. We may back off a bit, not play as much, be ‘normal’ for awhile; whatever we need to to deal with what life throws at us. I do have to say that there are those that have medical emergencies, family issues and other more severe things that happen, but in my opinion if you are lifestyle, then nothing can take that out of you. Ever.

The third person is the one I find most often on rarely updated blogs. These are those that think they are D/s oriented, or love BDSM but really they are just normal kinky. Let me explain. These are those that don’t want to be around others in the lifestyle, they hide and say that what they do is D/s but they don’t have common ideals, no beliefs, nothing that really says they mean anything. When you talk to them they are not interested in talking to you about it. I realize there are those that want to share what they find kinky, that they have discovered this new thing that they find really kewl.

These are just my thoughts. I can’t take the lifestyle out of me, and I just can’t fathom others doing it either, if they are truely honest with themselves and what they need/want.

–luna

Playing with a new program

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I’ve been really busy today with things for the radio station. Night_Wulf told me about this really neat program from Adobe called Audition. It’s basically mixing software. It was hard to get the hang of at first, but after a few tries and laughs at what I came up with I was successful at making a few really neat intros and callID’s for the station. I think I just might enjoy making some more. My classical show today again baffled me at the popularity. I had 12 listeners on a stream that only holds 20. I certainly could get to enjoy this quite a bit.

Master and I have pretty much kept to ourselves today. Not that it’s either of our faults, we have just been busy with other things. I guess this is an alternative to me leaving the house for a bit. We just sit in silence at our own desks and do our own thing.

I have plans to do some housecleaning tomorrow. Maybe even sit down and do some crafting. I don’t know. I find myself with very little motivation to do anything right now. I have to find it within myself to care for the home that I keep for Master. I have let it slide too long. The laundry needs to be done, the place dusted and the bathroom scrubbed. Yes, that is what I hope to accomplish tomorrow.

I’ve been wearing a different collar the past few days, one that is very dog collarish. Black leather with a large D ring. I seem to enjoy wearing it when I can. It makes me feel more at my position, although today I could have had my teeth knocked in a few times. I was pretty snippy. Sometimes I think Master lets me get away with it just so that we don’t crash heads. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.

–luna

Red flesh once again

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Master and I played hard today after a long dry spell. It was so wonderful to feel at his mercy and used so well. I am certain to be aching for days to come after tonight. We used a new toy that a friend of us had made. He calls it an octocrop. It’s a crop that has a rubber flogger end on it. Very stingy and quite intense. I enjoyed it quite a bit, and I know that Master did too… with that smile on his face.

I have another hope for a job and will wait for a call next week on it. It would be a desk type job with sitting allowed, so I am happy about that. I would like to be working and I know Master would like to see me doing something other than be here all day. Wish me luck!

I have to meet with my academic advisor next week to clear up a problem I’ve had with my financial aid for next semester. I’m sure it will go fine, but I’m still paranoid that I might loose my aid and have to drop out. Let’s keep a cool head until I know for sure after the holiday.

I have seen recently that a lot of the blogs that I used to read are being closed down because the writers are leaving the lifestyle behind. I don’t know how one can do that. I signed in for the long haul. I take the good, the bad and the difficult with it. Can you really sign up for something like this and not be serious about it enough to just be able to stop whenever you want? It’s hard for me to comprehend. If someone told me that tomorrow I would not want to be submissive in the D/s lifestyle I would almost laugh in their face. I will have to think about this some more, I feel a bit baffled right now. It could be the mindset I’m in right now.

–luna

Pensive

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I’m feeling a bit better, thank you to everyone who sent out hugs and caring words. My headache isn’t completely gone, but it’s a lot better than it was. I’m not sure why I was feeling so icky, but the next day Master wasn’t feeling his best either. We are both recovering with pampering each other.

I go back out again to look for a job. I hope I can get one soon, it would certainly help on the money situation and get me out of the house on a regular basis so that Master can work without distraction. Yes I’m a distraction. (gee I wonder why.) I’m hoping for something I can do some sitting as my back and knees just aren’t the best. Maybe a secretarial job? Who knows.

–luna

Feeling Ill

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I’ve not felt well in the past 2 days. Not really myself. I have a headache that won’t go away, I feel like I have the flu of some sort and my energy level is is practically absent. I’m not sure if it’s because of the nerves and worry I’ve been under recently or if it’s the lack of decent food. There is only so long you can eat non nutritious foods.

Master is going to get some money tomorrow, that will certainly save us if he can. I know the project he has been working on is almost done. It will be nice to have some bills paid so we can stop worrying so much.

I DJ at night now, 5-7 pm Monday through Friday. Hope you want to tune in. You can set your winamp to http://eu02.egihosting.com:8074/.

–luna

100 Things About Me

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I saw a list like this on Master Dream’s precious treasure’s blog and thought it was a kewl thing. It took me 2 hours to come up with 100 things about me. Enjoy and I hope you learn more than you ever thought you wanted to about me.

1. My name is Jennifer, not Jen, Jenn, Jennie, or Jenny.
2. I have an affinity to peanut butter and chocolate.
3. I’m a dog person, but I have 2 cats.
4. I have one sister and 3 brothers. No one can convince me otherwise.
5. My parents say I had 4 siblings, but now have 3. My mother and father signed one of my brothers over to the state because of multiple personalities.
6. My mother and father physically, verbally and emotionally abused me, and only me.
7. My sister only found out about this last year.
8. I love the Food Network.
9. I’m a perfectionist with everything but my housecleaning.
10. I’m terrible at cleaning.
11. Master is the 5th man I’ve slept with and as far as I’m concerned he will be the last.
12. I’ve always been overweight.
13. I write poetry.
14. I can masturbate and orgasm in under 30 seconds.
15. I’m crafty. I love cross stitch, embroidery, crocheting, leatherwork and beading.
16. My favorite perfume is Vanilla Musk.
17. My favorite color is purple.
18. I have had 8 hamsters during my life, and none of them died under 3 years of age. The oldest was put to sleep at 4 yrs 3 mo. He had gone blind, deaf and lost all his hair.
19. The two cats’ names are Zeus and Maximus and belonged to my best friend before I took care of them.
20. My cats are my only connection to my best friend, as she now lives 1400 mi. away now.
21. I miss her everyday.
22. I love Reeses’ cereal. (peanut butter and chocolate..)
23. I have 8 Celine Dion CD’s.
24. My porn collection on my computer has surpassed 13 Gigabytes.
25. I love Spanish poetry.
26. I once got suspension in high school just “to see what it was like.”
27. When I need comfort I turn to food.
28. I no longer speak with my mother.
29. I do not want children, ever.
30. I never had a boyfriend I didn’t sleep with on the first date.
31. My choice to be submissive came from my distaste in being “in charge.”
32. I will graduate with my degree in Spanish in May of 2006.
33. I spent 3 months in France in 1997.
34. I love Anne Rice novels.
35. I’m trying to teach myself PHP.
36. I love Final Fantasy.
37. My fantasy is to be tied to a large dinner table, decorated as the centerpiece and then having a dinner party.
38. I love sauerkraut.
39. I enjoy cooking.
40. I made most of my friends online first and then met them.
41. I am still married. (To a lazy French man, grr)
42. If I could travel anywhere right now, I’d want to go to Egypt.
43. I hate peas.
44. I have chronic knee pain due to being overweight.
45. I faint if standing still longer than 10 min.
46. I talk a lot.
47. I love my freckles.
48. I wish my boobs were bigger, and the nipples were outties. I have 48DD’s.
49. I graduated 4: 256 in high school.
50. If I could live where ever I wanted, I’d live in New Orleans.
51. I want corset training.
52. I can’t live without Chinese food.
53. I’m very organized.
54. I worry A LOT.
55. I have tried dog food, just to see why the dogs loved it.
56. I’m obsessed with knowing everything I can about sex.
57. I love mummies and Ancient Egypt.
58. I’m afraid of heights, drowning, and suffocation.
59. I still have ghosts in my closet and monsters under the bed.
60. I do not know when to keep things about myself private.
61. I prefer hard and fast, rough and tumble.
62. I have fallen asleep during sex.
63. I’m queen at faking orgasms.
64. I used to masturbate 4 times a day, now it’s once a month.
65. The toilet paper must roll from over the top; it can’t come from the bottom.
66. I have been caught changing it at a friend’s house.
67. I sing very loudly in the car.
68. I’d rather be too hot than too cold.
69. My favorite sexual position is Doggie style.
70. I have a titty fetish.
71. I love Dalmatians.
72. Daisies are my favorite flower.
73. I’m allergic to most soaps, detergents and conditioners.
74. I used to hurt myself for attention as a child.
75. I was in an accident with my bicycle and never got back on.
76. I hate driving.
77. My favorite meal is roast chicken, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and corn.
78. I would prefer to die before Master. I don’t think I could survive without him now.
79. I believe there is a heaven, but I’m skeptical about the teachings of the Bible.
80. My favorite beverage is chocolate milk.
81. I love red lipstick.
82. I gave my wedding dress to my sister for her wedding, and it looked great.
83. I want to travel, but I get car sick, air sick and sea sick.
84. I do not drink, or smoke.
85. Master is my first D/s commitment.
86. I get paranoid if my pantry is empty.
87. I’ve had 3 surgeries for a polynidal cyst.
88. I’ve lived in Iowa my entire life.
89. I wish the US would deal with our problems first before trying to solve other nations’ problems.
90. I don’t want to live in this town much longer, I’m itching to move.
91. I’m afraid of disappointing Master.
92. I love Antonio Banderas.
93. I’m overly serious. I don’t get jokes and take most things seriously.
94. I have 3 tattoos, the first one I had, I got a bad reaction. I’m surprised I tried it again.
95. I love seafood.
96. I like to walk around the house naked.
97. I love Master more than I ever loved my ex husband.
98. This list is almost done, and I’m happy about that.
99. It has been 13 days since I felt happy.
100. I dream about winning the lottery, although I have never played.

–luna

Fighting to get in the mood

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I have been battling a disinterest in sex lately. I feel terrible that I haven’t really felt like being touched or touching at all. I’m sure there are outside influences as to why I’ve been so antisex lately. I’ve had to sit and figure it out, because I’m tired of feeling like something is wrong with me.

When Master first got here, I was a sexual animal. I had always been very excited and easy to encourage to the bed, spread eagle and waiting for loving. It has dwindled to almost nothing now. It’s not Master. I still love to see him standing before me naked, his body looks so wonderful. I love to have him touch me and treat me like his slut. I need the connection from him. So, why can’t I feel in the mood for it?

We are in a fit of really tight finances, and it makes me really nervous, and worried all the time. I know this has a side effect of not being interested in sex. At least with me it does. It’s never easy to concentrate on yourself and your love when things just aren’t comfortable with your existence. It’s like Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs. One needs the basic needs first before you can climb up the pyramid. Love and Sex are on the 3rd tier. Right now we are stuck at the Safety and some of the basic Psychological needs. It’s so damn hard.

Master has been working really hard to get some money and get a regular paying job and I commend him for his diligence. It makes me feel good to know he is working so hard on things that will get us some money so that we can stop struggling.

I also know my period is coming, and it is making me irritable and cranky. My back is killing me today, I’m bloated and drinking a lot of water. I wish it would just come already, this wait is annoying. Anyone who deals with irregular periods would know what I mean.

So, now to help spur my sexual energy, hopefully… I have gone and found a question on Kindlings that might at least bring a fantasy to the page, and maybe help me remember how much of a sexual person I am.

From Kindlings – What is your most frequently occurring fantasy?

My most frequent fantasy is simple really. I imagine being tied comfortably yet immobility to the bed and teased, used, flogged, and tortured for hours on end, relaxing and taking some breaks for water replenishment and adjustment so that restricted limbs are still safe of course. I have seen myself being used slowly with dildos, having my ass shamelessly used (and Master knows I have problems with this one), being fucked, having cum all over me, my tits bound, tortured and beat, my pussy whipped, perhaps some sensation denial like blindfolds, earplugs or gags. The dream is endless. I don’t know how I would actually fare during this, but I do know that I dream about this a lot.

What’s YOUR fantasy? I’d like to know.

–luna

Tagged

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So, I was tagged by fire-runner, thank you hon. Now to answer the questions….

1)Total number of books I’ve owned.

Wow, this is upwards of 500 or so. I don’t tend to keep my books if I don’t plan to read them again, I like to pass them on. http://www.BookCrossing.com/ is really kewl for this. I haven’t joined yet, but as soon as I have a book I want to release this is the first place I’ll go, check it out!

2) The last book I bought.

Hmm, There were two actually. The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Making Money with Your Hobby and Starting an Online Business for Dummies. Not exactly fun reading. But certainly worth it.

3) The Last Book I read.

Sadly it was for class, Hungry Ligntening: Notes of a Woman Anthropologist in Venezuela. Was pretty interesting actually. It’s written as diary about a woman in the midst of the camp society of the Pume. I suggest if you want to experience another culture you do it with another anthropologist, but this book is a decent read.

4)5 books that mean alot to you…

1- Spanish Dictionary. Seriously the hardback huge version, so that I can read what I need to for class and learn more, expand my vocabulary and some day make something of myself.

2- “The Vampire Chronicles” of Anne Rice. I try to read these every year, but not always possible.

3- Blindness by Jose Saramago. Awesome book, so much talent, so many good things to say about this. If you haven’t read it, and have a Big Brother complex, go find this book.

4- Harry Potter!!!! No more comments

5- My Big Red Better Homes and Gardens “New” Cook Book. I love cooking and if I didn’t have a cookbook to spur my mind, and culinary ideas. Everyone should have a basic cookbook in the kitchen. And for goodness sake buy a book protector or keep it away from the cooking area, stains ruin books!

5) Tag 5 people and have them fill this out on their blogs.

a.) katieslave
b.) cinnamon_girl_8
c.) joy
d.) angelina{SKR}
e.) tigerlily

Yay, that was fun!

–luna

Sub Drop

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It’s amazing how good I feel today when I’ve been doing practically nothing. My radio show this morning was classical music and I am surprised to be asked to do it again next Sunday. I didn’t expect people to appreciate it. I enjoyed it, and so there is a new show on Sundays. Hopefully my readers are tuning in occasionally and enjoying the music that I put on air. It’s different every day of the week.

Tomorrow I have my job interview and I’m a little nervous. It’s not like I have anything to worry about, but I haven’t had a job in 2 years. Hopefully I can get going at a job very soon. I’m tired of never having any money to do anything. Tomorrow night is the D/s Forum. We will be talking about subdrop.

For me, I have not experienced a drop that was more than just a tearful episode or severe aches and pains up to days later. It will be interesting what others have to say about it. I have learned the subspace can have psychological and physical symptoms and that everyone experiences it differently. I also read, and thought very curious that subspace is more common in committed relationships than casual ones. I feel that this may be because you are more attached and allow yourself to be more open to altered states of subspace. The heavier the subspace, the more chance that you can get sub drop.

I found a common feature in the essays I read. It was the factor of aftercare. It is emphasized over and over. However it’s not really taught anywhere. Master has had to learn from my cues and perhaps that is how it is best done. He knows when I need cuddling and also when I need a hot bath. I know when he just wants to lay there holding me and when he wants to jump up and go do something afterwards. You just learn from your partner what is needed after a scene and what you truely want from them as you recover from the intense interaction.

I also looked up ideas on how to recover from depression. The reason I did this is because I seemed to think that there was a similar feature to subdrop that there is to depression. Suggestions of hot baths, not sleeping too much, walking in the afternoons, enjoying sunshine and not spending all your time alone were all things that could be applied to recovery from subdrop as well.

My favorite essay from the ones I read was from The D/s Garden. The essay was titled, “Sub Drop” and written by Nahdia. You can find it here.

–luna

Fun with Friends

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I went out and spent most of the day with friends of mine from school. It was great. I wandered the stores, and chatted about all sorts of things. Master is the center of conversation for me on most occasions but I was relaxed and talked about anything. We discussed next semester where I am probably taking quite a few Spanish classes. Her boyfriend was fun to talk about, so we did some comparing and praising of men. (not normal conversation, mind you) Then we came back to my place to relax. She took a nap and I worked on some things for the D/s forums on Monday.

I can’t wait for the munch tomorrow. I sure love seeing friends of mine, and it looks like Master will be getting a new toy that Maximus made for us. I am just as excited to feel it as he is to use it on me. It should be a fun time. I am also picking up a flogger that he wants me to braid the handle on. He’s already paid me to do it, so I should have it done shortly and be able to mail it back to him sometime next week.

Went out tonight for some girl talk with 2 of my friends, one from earlier and then met up at Perkins for some fun. They sure love teasing the cute waiters and service staff. I just chuckle and watch. I’m taken and just can’t do that anymore, although I would have loved to. It was great. I sure love time like that and I think Master appreciated the time alone.

I have to shave yet tonight, or else I loose points for the day. I think that this new system actually motivates me to do more and achieve all I’m supposed to. I have a goal in mind, a reward I really want. It will take me quite a few weeks to get to that point.

I need to cut all the rest of that rubber so I can make a few floggers and whips for my store. I’d like to have a decent stock so that my stress level is lower for stock items and I can concentrate on special orders. I hope that one day soon we can get my site back up again. I’d like to be earning money they way I want to.

Speaking of money, I have a job interview on Monday with Kmart. I’m sure I can get a part time job with them for the summer and then I won’t have to worry so much about money, and friends and time away from Master so that we don’t bite each other’s heads off. :) I have already planned what I’m going to wear and working on questions to ask the interviewer.

My period is supposed to be here soon, but I have no warning at all. It makes me worried, as if I really want the cramps and bloating that comes with the warning.

I got Master a piece of pie from Perkins, he seemed happy that I thought of him. I think of him all the time, why wouldn’t I?

–luna

Impact of the Internet

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From Kindlings (www.inhischains.com/kindlings)

Do you believe the internet has made the ‘lifestyle’ more accessible to people? How has the internet impacted your lifestyle?

I believe that the internet has opened up a new world to a lot of differnet things. As far as the lifestyle, I do believe it has been a better resource for those exploring. There is a safety to anonymous reading of articles and other information out there. My website is geared to those that have problems finding for what they are looking for. I believe it is a good place to meet experienced people, for advice and learning. IRC has been a great place to meet people and yet remain anonymous.

The internet has also been a breeding ground for wannabe’s and predators. This is a downfall of the open resource system the internet is, however with proper precautions, people can still be safe and learn they way they want and need to. One thing that really bugs me is the wannabes making a mockery of the important values that those of us that practice this life every day (whether you are 24/7 or 24/2).

The internet has impacted my life on the most basic level. I found my Master online. For our story check out the Monday, April 25, 2005 posting. I have found many of my mentors, local groups, essays and resources online. In fact, the IRC chat room is where I began asking questions to learn if I really was normal or just a freak. Turns out I’m quite normal. How about that? :)

–luna

Reminding myself to pay attention

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You never know about the little things that make you feel fulfilled. And yet why is it that they small things that annoy you REALLY annoy you?

Let’s use this example. You get hugs, lots of hugs and reassurance, reaffirmation and love from your Dominant. Do you begin to take them for granted? Do they become a part of your normal routine? I have found myself not even acknowledging them. To me that is bad. I should love every touch and look that reminds me of my place, my love and his commitment to making me happy. Today and yesterday, Master would caress my neck and smile at me and I would just take it as friendly attention. I’d like to work on that to savor the times I get. How can I remind myself to treasure the moments I get and not take them for granted. I feel that if I don’t pay attention I may loose them. I don’t want to loose them.

Then today, Master was very horny. I wasn’t really interested in his advances. Before you start writing me telling me that I need to be available to Master at all times, let me explain that Master wants me to enjoy sex as well so if I’m not interested he is less likely to do anything. Well I was more anti-affection than I thought I was today and I feel bad that I gave him a few disgusted looks. It was rude and I need to apologize.

To work on my correction of behavior I will have to pay attention more to the affection I get, and make sure he knows that I appreciate him.

Yesterday I did my first Pilates video. Boy was that a workout. I think I will have better results with this if I keep up with it. My arms and legs are aching and I feel like I worked my ass off yesterday. God bless good ache.

–luna

Better next time….

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Monday blahs. Today I woke up to another week of stress and worry. I’m getting so tired of this. Nothing I can do about it though. I will learn to get used to it until we are free of worry and stress. Summers always seem to be like this.

I worked on a few floggers today. I hope to have them done tomorrow and up on the Boudoir shortly after. I would love it if someone set up an order with me sometime soon. It saves me just to get one order every now and again. I find I really like making things and this is something I can give back to everyone instead of decorating my home with (I already have quite a collection).

With the fall of summer comes the absence of friends. Most of them go back home during the off season and I am here without anyone. My friend L. is moving up here and I can’t wait to have someone up here to hang out with.

I have applied to a few jobs and I have more applications to send off this week. I kinda hope I get a job soon if I want to maximize my money earning. Never know, getting out of the house might be nice too.

I won’t be able to make it to the munch or the Forums this month. I feel upset about it, but there is nothing to resolve it. We can’t afford the trip this time. Hopefully next month we will be better.

–luna

Working on a new Boudoir Design

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Just a quick note. Master has begun working on a new design for my Flogger store Luna’s Boudoir. As soon as it is complete I will be able to take full orders as soon as that. Take a look and give me feed back on the new design. I’d like to know what everyone’s thoughts are. http://luna.kinkygroups.com/lunas_boudoir/.

I worked on 3 new floggers today. I hope to have them up on my site early this next week. Keep an eye out for one that you may enjoy.

–luna

As I always have

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I don’t know how else to live my life. I’ve been struggling for money since I was born and now that Master and I have our major problems right now I feel like life is at a standstill. Doomed to end in a blaze of fire and brimstone. I don’t want to get into specifics, but I need anyone that believes in anything higher up to pray, light candles and offer up thoughts for me and my Master. I need the encouragement to continue without getting depressed.

If you have need or desire for a new flogger, check my store at Luna’s Boudoir. It would be a godsend to get some work and to have my creations out there making everyone happy. I’m planning on making some up and having them available on fetish auctioneer or ebay. This way I have some instant income if they sell. I don’t have to make them then. Let me know what you think… fetish auctioneer or ebay??

Master and I revised my punishment/reward system and made it more positive reinforcement based rather than negative. It’s balanced and I think I can handle it better. This way I want to improve myself rather than punish myself. I still have a points system to earn rewards. This time it is small rewards and then big rewards. If I don’t do a certain chore or a fail at a rule then I don’t get the points for it. In the long run it hurts my and my goals. I think it will work once we work the bugs out of it.

The semester is now over and I feel that I have nothing to do. I feel like my days are filled with nothing. I should be thinking that the days are now Master’s and I can be with him fully and make sure his day goes well. I also need to get a part time job so that I can bring in some money so that we aren’t constantly struggling. I hate struggling. I’m sure I did fine with my classes and I have a big schedule planned for next semester.

I have met a couple of friends that I thought weren’t online anymore. I feel so happy to have them around again. It’s great to get their thoughts and advice once more. It makes me smile. It’s so wonderful to have them in my life once more. Love you guys… C and p.

–luna

Grr

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Yelling, arguing, frustration, annoyance. That’s all today was. I choose not to bring it up again but I hope that Master and I can fix things or else it will get very uncomfortable in this house.

I should have a job, but I can’t physically work more than 30 hours a week due to my back problem. He got mad cause I chose not to tell him this till now. God lord, HE NEVER ASKED.

Grr, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

–luna

Routine

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I’m going to make it routine to make a to do list every day. I think it keeps me centered on my tasks for the day, and I have found myself completing them when they are written down. I can’t afford to be punished again. I’d loose the internet for a week. Of course I can’t figure out if I have to be an angel until the 12th of June when I can have chocolate again. That’s such a long time to not screw up.

I’m hoping we can go to this month’s munch. I always crave seeing people and feeling part of the community. I need it more than I need to play myself I think.

I have my final exam on Wednesday. I am going to study again some more tomorrow, but I think I will do just fine. It’s a bit more interpretive, and I’m better at that than knowing facts. Then I will be done with school for the semester. It’s a relief as I went to school last summer; I’ve been in classes since a year ago without much of a break.

I am going to make up my floggers with the materials I have here and see if I can get any of them to sell. I know I have a lot of materials here, so I should be busy for awhile. I have a challenge, a special request I’m still pricing and figuring out if I can really do it or not. It would be a beautiful piece if it works out.

–luna