Well, so if you’ve noticed my recent posts have been short, whiny and not too interesting to read. For that I apologize. My life truely has been interesting, and I should be happy to share it with my blog readers, and especially my Master… whom has been quite disappointed in my recent bout of phrases and whinny interludes. I’m sorry Master. I shall do my best to care about what I write here.

Lately has been a bit hectic as I have the end of the semester to contend with. Those of you that are students yourself can understand the stress I am currently under. I have a presentation this afternoon that I feel completely unready for, even though it has been put off for a month previous to this because of a death in the family of the partner I am doing it with. Wish me luck, for all that will do me. I have reviewed my part sufficiently, now if I can make sure I stay in the language I’m supposed to (Spanish) I will do fine. I am working on a paper too that I find trying, only because the two books I have to use are not set up at all the same, and it is a chore to find anything supportive for my analysis. Why do teachers pick these kind of books?

I have been interested in becoming a Passion Party Consultant www.passionparties.com, as you might have read previously and the contact has been trying to catch me. I have been busy and avoiding the phone so I shot off an email to her to make sure she knew I was still interested. I don’t know if I can afford the start up package at this time, but soon I think I can. I am positive that I would do well selling sensual products geared towards women. Anyone have any thoughts on what you think about it?

I really enjoy doing the D/s forums every month for the local munch group. I hope that I can keep doing it as long as interest holds out. I learn so much and I feel that others in the group sure benefit from it also. Next month’s topic is subdrop. I am having a hard time setting up my knowledge base on it so that I don’t sound like a complete dolt when the time arrives, as my experience with it is lacking. The essays online are either incomplete or hard to use. If anyone has any good advice, experiences they want to share or essays online that I can look at, please feel free to email me at prplefaeriedust@yahoo.com. It would be a great help.

I am finally beginning to see why Master likes to have things done that way or this way, and feel better about serving him when he wants it. It makes him happy and I feel great knowing that he is pleased with me. I’ll have to see if there are things I can do on my own that will in turn please him. Perhaps a weekly full-body moisturizing, or always having my nails painted or something along those lines. He does enjoy when I take care of myself as it reflects him.

This Sunday is a CROP members meeting. I’m not sure what all we are going to talk about, but I am prepared to do my part and contribute what I can. I need to fill out my membership form yet, but I am considered a paid member as I am on a commitee. Yay! Master is considered on a committee too since he is the webmaster of the site, but he is kinda hesitant about the “position” I think it’s cause it’s volunteer work, and he isn’t in the mood for free labor. I can understand that.

I made another flogger sale this week. I will be making the order this weekend hopefully. I am waiting on the materials. I think it will turn out great. I hope the customer likes it. It will be made out of heavy hemp twine and will have knots in about half of the fall. I think it might need to be weighted a bit, perhaps braiding the twine so that the Dominant won’t have to use so much wrist force to swing it. I am also thinking of a nice handle, maybe a leather weave so it looks nice. We shall see what I get into when I actually get the materials.

I hope this catches you up on all the things going on in my life.

–luna

Wednesday… half the week gone and I am doing terribly at my plans for a new lifestyle of changes and improvements. I constantly beat myself up for them and do nothing about it. Well it’s about time I do something about it. Granted it is small things, baby steps that I need to make real changes, solid improvements in myself but it must be done. My diet sucks bad, I don’t exercise anymore and while it lasted I felt great, why did I stop? I don’t know. I was eating healthy, I still have a lot of that in the fridge, so why can’t I get my ass out there and eat that? My water consumption has crashed and I know that was a big reason I was feeling good. My body was getting all the water it needed. My before bed routine is only done half way or not at all, my morning routine isn’t even implemented yet and I know that Master can tell that the house isn’t as clean as it was when I was following these routines. I really need a kick in the butt about now. I have to start looking for a part time job to keep me going this summer, I have to feel good about myself. All this is for me, not for Master. I want this, why can’t I get it going? Did I bite off more than I can chew? What baby steps do I need to get going again. The point right now is to not give up.

Yesterday was my presentation on BDSM for the Human Sexuality class on campus. az was there with me and I think it was a great experience yet again. The class seemed really interested and leaned in more than last semester and I didn’t see anyone fall asleep. We had some honest questions and I think people left with the feeling that we were “normal” enough people. The teacher asked me back next semester and I’m sure I will be happy to be there. Master seemed so proud as we left that it went well. I think that was the largest feeling of success that I had that day.

Master gave me his collar back. I was speechless, but he said he is certain I won’t do it again (remove it). I swear I will never take this thing off with such lack of care. It was my heart and soul, my relationship commitment and I don’t want to throw it away like that again. I promise that I will hold it with higher regard now, like I should have from the beginning.

I talked with Master about changing the punishment and reward system to something different as we figured out that I was rejecting punishment due to my childhood. I grew up in an abusive family, you can read more about my in my biography…. A Waterfall – http://luna.kinkygroups.com/waterfall.php . I would fight and struggle against punishment because many times it was physical, unfair and extreme to what I had done wrong or not done wrong. He agreed that maybe we need to reevaluate it, so someday soon, when both of us have time, we are going to sit down and work something out that makes us both happy.

My dad called me to tell me that he had lost his job again. I feel so bad for him, this seems like an ever changing stream for him, and I hope that one day he will find something that he can be happy doing. He is also going to do an online college credit program to get a degree. I don’t really know how those work, but I wish him the best of luck on that. I know exactly how hard school work can be.

Master has been working his butt off to get some money in the house, as we have bills that have clung dangerously close to the “shut off/ repossession” stage. It hurts to know that we have let them get so bad and yet we feel like every day our importance is on survival and we can’t enrich our lives the way we had hoped we could because our needs right now are more on the basic level. I know one day we will get out of this problem, but until that time, we have to face the fact that we need to live before we can feel alive.

I have contemplated selling things like Avon, Passion Parties, Silpada, Mary Kay, or Tupperware to help get some money, but even those require a bit of money up front for start up, and we don’t have that. I want my flogger business to take off, but yet we have a somewhat makeshift, basic website, no advertising or marketing of my product yet and I don’t feel I have all the experience I need yet to make sure I can make someone happy with my product. Soon though we should be able to move to the next phase of development, the website.

School ends in 3 weeks and I feel like I am in a race to the finish. I have so many things to do in these coming weeks that I will be constantly busy, my mind on classwork and finishing things up. Getting to summer break where I can hopefully work some to get some money in the household and pay off bills so we can live comfortably again. I want to be done with school next semester but I don’t know how feasible that really is. It requires working my ass off. I need dedication.

–luna

Yes, Martha Stewart wouldn’t be so happy to know I’m coining her phrase, but I could care less. My body is killing me today and I think it’s from all the work I’ve done with exercise and housecleaning. I hope I can do my exercises later, but if I can’t, then that’s okay too. I will just do them tomorrow. Master did some exercise yesterday with me, and made me feel good about myself. He tells me that I will loose the weight and achieve my goals if I keep working. I’m sure I will get there if my motivation keeps up. I’ve got a few people from my submissive groups that pop in to keep me on my toes and on task. I hope to loose a lb or two this week at the next weigh in.

Master has been keeping track of how I’m doing with the rules list that he has set for me. If you don’t know, there is a point system involved with it. If I earn a certain amount of points, I get rewards. I’m kinda shooting for the shopping trip. That is the most difficult one to wait for, as it is the last reward I can earn. Should take me just over a month if I’m a complete angel. Yeah, right.

So, tomorrow I hope to finish my homework and take a small break from cleaning. However I don’t think that will work either. I’m on a role and cleaning everything is my goal. I want to be proud to have friends over, and not have to worry about people just showing up.

I’ve been reading on a discussion board about people arguing over the use of honorifics (Sir and Ma’am). My opinion on this topic is that if they earn it, they get it. If I feel more comfortable calling them Sir or Ma’am, they get it. If Master says so, I do it. I was not raised in a household that honorifics weren’t stressed. It’s hard for me to remember to use them, and I get “the look” often enough that soon I will have it set in my head. In internet chat rooms, I think it is used too much; greeting strangers with Hello Sir, even if you don’t know them. You have to follow a protocol but sheesh, to me that is just killing it. It has to mean something. Cheapening it just makes it false.

–luna