That essay test yesterday was very challenging. I hope I did a good job. I filled up the entire bluebook. Now that the stress is gone from that test I can relax a bit. WRONG I have so much homework this weekend, I will be running hard just to catch up. Thank god Spring Break is in 2 weeks. It should be a nice break from things.
Master told me last night about his plans for me when I develop into the submissive he is striving for. Granted the conversation was at 1am and I was tired. I think I remember bits and pieces of it. It will involve strict control over me, what I wear, do and eat. He wants to take over the bills (by all means… . He will be actively monitoring me to make sure I do all the rules and things that he assigns. He says he will make sure I am always happy and that I am provided for. Sounds like a lot of work, glad it’s not me… oh wait… it is.
I’m still exhausted from the major sexathon we had on Tuesday, and I guess it doesn’t help that I haven’t really given my body a break, but asked Master for more and more. Which he doesn’t object to mind you. I’m actually kinda looking forward to the fun we have planned tonight. Hopefully I will have recovered enough to enjoy it. Meh, I’m sure I will be.
Master and I have discovered that I really enjoy verbal abuse during a scene or just sex. [If you'd like to talk about verbal abuse in the context of play some more, post to my discussion forum.] He says he can tell it really puts me in the right headspace, and I wouldn’t disagree. After last night I was feeling extremely submissive. Granted I don’t know how to feel that way outside of scene, as I’m sure I would be offended if Master started calling me those things just around the house and what not. I’m sure it will come to me and I will begin to feel the pull to give over more of my life to him.
It’s amazing how you feel when the man you love calls you his slut/whore/bitch/cunt in that Dom voice of his. God it just stirs my insides all up and makes me melt. I become his animal then, the girl he can use rough and tumble and love him for it. I never thought I would appreciate something like that, in fact I was dead set against much of the verbal stuff in the beginning, thinking it would just bring out the past abuses of my childhood. So many of those were verbal. Quite the opposite. It makes me feel empowered yet weakened. A state of jello where I would just about anything no questions asked.
On my website I’m looking for a few good writers, to add their work to my reading bench. I was hoping for better response by now, but maybe there just aren’t any BDSM writers out there? I can’t be the only one that loves reading poetry and stories with a BDSM D/s flair. If you have work, please think about submitting it to me, and I would place it on my site with pleasure.