This time next week is Master’s Birthday!

By lunaKM on December 9, 2004

Well, I’ve sat here this morning for 4 hours, part of which I chatted, surfed the net, and then worked on my linguistics paper, for which I only have one page left and it is done. So why is it so hard to conclude a damn paper? I guess I can get it done this afternoon or tomorrow after class.

Finals are next week, and lucky me I only have 2 on Tuesday and I am done. I have to study this weekend sometime as I don’t feel ready for the immense stress of test-taking. I’m just whining for nothing, if you haven’t guessed. I’m sure I’ll do fine, I always do.

I wrote a poem this morning, another pantoum. I’m finding the form challenging, which is probably why I like trying them, perhaps I will do a sestina next. who knows. Here’s the new poem:

The Ideal

We strive for the ideal.
Never knowing exactly where that begins
and where we place now;
driving us further to perfection somehow.

Never knowing exactly where that begins;
our hearts and minds absorb all we can learn.
Driving us further to perfection somehow;
we take our places of power.

Our hearts and minds absorb all we can learn,
so that one day we shall look and feel and know;
as we take our places of power;
We have stepped nearer to that ideal.

That one day when we shall look and feel and know
He is Master, I am slave.
We have stepped nearer to that ideal
Once our lives no longer separate, but meld.

He is Master, I am slave,
and where we place now,
Our lives no longer separate, but meld.
We strive for the ideal.

I think it was pretty good for 9am. I might work it a bit, and then again I might not. I kinda like it just the way it is. You can leave comments on it if you wish, I don’t mind a bit of constructive criticism. In fact I learn a lot from what others have to say about my work. It makes me dream of being a famous poet. Don’t think I will get around to it, but a dream still keeps me going.

Tonight we go out with a couple friends from the local group. I can’t wait. It is so nice to not have to hide who you are with people. I can be myself and enjoy the evening. Of course, most of my friends know exactly who I am and don’t mind either so I don’t know why I am complaining at all. I can’t understand people that hide themselves. I would feel so trapped. The point of this lifestyle is for me to feel free.

Last night Master and I had a short talk about where we thought we were relationship-wise, and I expressed my feelings of it going really slow. I want to add another ritual to our life and not sure where or when to add it. It doesn’t have to be everyday like the collar exchange but something just to reaffirm myself with him. Master expressed unyeilding patience with my rebellious nature. I am still bucking from service “unless I want to” and that isn’t good. I’m not sure how to work through it, and neither is he at this point, but it will get worked around I’m sure. I want to please him, just have to get over the whole no no no mindset.

Master’s birthday is next Thursday and if all goes well, it should be a wonderful day for him to enjoy whatever he wishes to do. I hope I make him happy and that it is a memorable day for him.

–luna

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