The weekend that I was sick with the cold was Master’s visit to Ms Kiva’s place so I dropped him off at the bus stop on Friday and basically just slept for the weekend. I had planned so many things before the cold attacked me but none of that happened. I am finally finally getting better.

Reconciling Master’s new relationship has been challenging. The main reason for that has been that he doesn’t get anything from her that he can’t get from us (froggy and I) in a relationship sense. They are great friends and connect on a friendship level far deeper than he and I can just because we don’t have similar likes and dislikes. After a lot of heart searching I figured it out and I’m less stressed about the whole thing. Here’s what I think; Master isn’t getting anything from Ms Kiva really but she’s getting a lot from him. She has a need to explore sexual submission and trusts Master with her exploration. He’s serving her needs instead of her serving his.

The first weekend he spent down there with her was hard on me. I remember crying a few times during the weekend, mainly because I hadn’t figured out what purpose she served for him other than more pussy. And yeah that’s harsh but that’s what I was thinking at the time. Now that I know a bit more and I’ve figured out a reason for the relationship I feel much better about it all.

To think back on the whole experience thus far I blame a lot of the discomfort I felt on NRE (new relationship energy). He was in that hyper sexual excited space with Ms Kiva and that left me chilling in the wings waiting for him to notice me again. It’s not that he intended to do that or even knew he was acting that way, because NRE has a tunnel focus and for awhile attention for me was difficult. He even had problems with sex for a time. Like he couldn’t get it to work, couldn’t emotionally connect and so our sex suffered.

I’d been through this before when he started a relationship with froggy but that doesn’t any less difficult. Sure I could recognize it faster, but the distance was still felt. He’s back for the most part I think. Our relationship is still strong (always was) and we’re able to connect to each other like we used to.

NRE sucks for the primary partner. It really does. Especially if you are like me and don’t feel joy for your partner’s newfound relationship. I don’t have compersion. I don’t identify as poly myself so it’s just harder on me to see the purpose or need for other partners.

Now, Master and I did need to open the relationship for play way back when because our relationship was suffering when he wasn’t getting his sadistic streak fed often our intensely enough. That’s when froggy entered the picture. It did develop from there but she started as a play partner. And it healed our relationship immensely. We were able to connect intensely without his ache for the edgy sadistic stuff that I can’t do. I’m a masochist but not  in the same realm as Master needs often enough.

It can happen, of course, when you learn about BDSM and grow together as a couple and as individuals. Often this can lead to an end of the relationship. But if you open the relationship it can save things. I can’t see my life without Master. I’m with him through thick and thin.

And no matter what, I’m devoted to him. He knows his limits as far as further relationships go. I can’t handle him collaring anyone else. That level of relationship is reserved.

So that’s what’s on my mind tonight.

–lunaKM

A Cold Pox

Have you missed me? I’ve missed me. I’ve had a horrible cold for over a week now. I’ve slept most of the week away. What I wasn’t sleeping away I was coughing, sneezing, blowing my nose and in general misery. This has been a tough one.

I’m still pretty miserable, although I have been able to string words together into sentences once the medicine works.

I plan on talking about poly things, work, chores, plans and dreams. Also have a meme to do from kaya. I have been thinking about writing here for some time. Perhaps soon. Perhaps when I stop coughing up a lung. Catch you next time the meds are working!

–lunaKM

The past few weeks (months?) I have been fighting to get enough sleep. Or rather perhaps more fulfilling sleep. I’m constantly tired. I’m sleeping 8 hours and taking midday naps. I went to my Dr to check my thyroid levels and have a basic workup. Nothing is wrong that way. She thought perhaps I need a sleep study so that’s a possibility. I do snore but Master has never noted any breathing difficulty with that.

It’s quite draining to be tired all the time no matter how much sleeping I’m doing. My memory was suffering and I was more clumbsy than normal. Master mentioned having to repeat himself a lot and I know I was irritable. It’s not like I have insomnia that I know of because I feel like I’m sleeping. I wake up at the slightest sound though and when I do wake in the middle of the night it takes forever to go back to sleep. But during the day I can fall asleep within minutes of being inactive. Oh and the exercise I’m doing (100 mins a week) doesn’t give me any energy boost, in fact I feel more tired after the workout which encourages more napping.

A few experiments have come out of this problem and it appears it might be working.

First, Master believed that my middle of the night swap from the bed to the futon mattress in the living room was disruptive to my sleep cycle. So, now we are sleeping in one bed all night. I’ve taken turns with him as far as which bed I’m in to see if it makes a difference and right now I don’t know.

Also, he added Melatonin to my vitamin supplements that I take. A friend of ours suggested it because she takes it to help get more restful sleep. I’ve taken it for a week now and something is helping. I can’t say if it’s the lack of switching places or the supplement but I’ve reduced my naps from every single freaking day to twice since I started taking the Melatonin.

I really hope that I’ll improve. It has seriously impacted my productivity and I feel behind at everything! Master has been really lenient with chores but I know my writing has suffered and my inspiration is non-existant. The worst thing is that when I’m so tired my slavery suffers. I’m not interested in sex, I can’t focus on play and even Master’s playful touches just make me feel annoyed. That’s definitely not what I want!

–lunaKM

You tweeted about your Master KM having a girlfriend? Is she his submissive like FroggyKM? How do you feel about sharing him with yet another woman? Will she eventually be collared to him too?

Yes he has a girlfriend. She’s a friend of ours that lives 2 hours away. She’s a Dominant but wants to explore submissive stuff with KnyghtMare. So she’s not like froggyKM at all. She has her own likes and dislikes and her own life. She’s poly too and has a husband and a boyfriend.

Sharing is hard but as long as I get the reassurance that I’m priority (which he never fails at doing) I’m fine with it. 

How is living Gluten – Free going in your new city? Have you been able to try any new restaurants and cafes? How is your food budget going with your living Gluten – Free?

It’s hard. I’ve found one restaurant so far that I like, but we are now getting tired of so I have to try and find another one that I like. I’m sure they are out there but not as easy for me to find this time around. The food budget is going alright. I’m staying in budget for grocery shopping so I guess that’s a win.

Have you gotten used to your new city? Do you like it? What if any activities have you found in your new city that were not available in your old city? How do you like your new apartment? Done any cool decorating yet? Have you found some new Munch Groups that you enjoy?

Well, used to it, sure. Like it? Not really. But I knew that going in. It’s just not my type of town. KnyghtMare and I aren’t really a go out sort of couple so if there are things to do here we’ve not looked for them. I love the apartment. It’s spacious and I’m looking forward to using the balcony this Spring/Summer. No decorating yet, but I might share it as I can.

The munch group in the area is one that I was a member of when I lived in the area an hour north 12 years ago. While the population has changed, the group is still here. It’s something I’m trying very hard to get to know and I still host my submissive forum every month for this area. It will grow eventually.

–lunaKM

I got a few more questions for question month so I thought I’d get them answered for you. And if you have more questions, this is the month I answer just about anything!

Are you religious? If so how do you intertwine that with your submission?

No I’m not religious. I was in my childhood leading all the way to college. Then I started really studying science and began realizing I didn’t need faith in my life. I know people who do intertwine their religion with their submission and it works for them.

Have you and KM talked about kids?

We covered the children talk before we got together. I needed to find someone who did not want children. I’ve never wanted children. Even as a little girl I gave all my baby dolls to my sister and never looked back. I told my mom back then that I was not interested in being a mom. KM does not want children either and later this year will be getting a vasectomy. At least that’s in his plans. He keeps telling me to make the appointment already but I want to wait until after our Anniversary in June.

Would you ever want to work out of the house again?

Yes and no. We’ve talked about me getting a job again, but the added cost of travel, food and loss of work on Kink Network related stuff would make it not feasible. KM makes enough for us to live on and I can serve him this way a lot better than I would at a job.

Does KM give you spending money for yourself for things you enjoy such as books or movies or does he make all the financial decisions?

He makes all the financial decisions but I’m a spoiled lady. I ask him if I can have something I’d like, like books, movies, makeup, whatever and he rarely says no. Sometimes he’ll say maybe later but honestly he’s pretty open to spending money on me.  Just last week I got new bras and a new blouse to wear for a con we are going to in May.

 

Thanks for the questions!

–lunaKM

My question(s) is how do you as a woman and your personal views on feminism relate to your choice to serve and enter into this lifestyle? Do you have moments where you think “Should I be doing this”? because of the way our culture is set up now in the 21st century?

Thank You,

TheBlackQueen

Hi there,

I don’t have any issues at all with submitting and feminism. There’s a point in time where a woman learns that they should be actively getting what they want in life and that being feminist is really all about making sure you are happy with what you have as a woman. I’m not about to argue with a guy who might make more money or have a higher standing than an equally successful woman.  Men and women are different. I don’t want to be compared to men. And I’m not going to actively push to make all women equal to men because let’s face it, people in general are not all equal.

Submission and feminism can co-exist. Being submissive is the most powerful thing I can do. I choose to submit and to be vulnerable to my partner. It gives me everything I’ve ever wanted in life. I’ve never thought that I shouldn’t be doing this, that some how society is in control of my life. I’ve been my own person for a long time now and society doesn’t govern how I live.

Thanks for the question.

–lunaKM

 

Hi lunaKM, I hope this is more what you are looking for as far as questions for March Question Month and not coming off as a personal question as it is not intended to be. I have a question regarding serving your Master. I noticed in some tweets you refer to him as DH and I was wondering what that meant? I am new to the lifestyle and have just only begun to serve on a regular basis. I find there are some days I just don’t want to do it or really have anything to do with Him. Do you go through the same thing/feelings? Is this common for you and other submissives as well? How do you get past those feelings? Will those feelings ever completely go away? Cheers, bluebliss

 

DH stands for Dear Husband and usually those tweets have more to do with his husband role and my affection with our marriage than a D/s one.

As for feeling like you don’t want to do anything with your partner some days, sure it happens. Moods come and go. You learn to adapt and to submit because of the reason you wish. To get past it, I personally have a mantra (It’s in the sidebar with my bio) that helps remind me that I chose to be submissive no matter what, even when I’m not feeling it. You are new so it’s likely you are still learning and growing into who you wish to be but it will be less frequent as you experience life as a submissive.

–lunaKM

Law and Order

The people downstairs must be addicted to Law and Order. All I hear all day, everyday is the droning slow chords of the “suspense” music that you hear in most all cop dramas. It’s annoying. And I can time my day by the “doink doink” every hour. Ugh.

–lunaKM

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