By lunaKM on March 10, 2010
Yesterday Master declared a fuckmeat day. This means that he will use me whenever he feels like it, I’m not to make noise or look at him during sex. I’m pretty much his masturbatory tool. During this time I feel separate from my body. He is using me but my body doesn’t respond sexually other than the fact that I’m really wet.
After the first session I got really grumpy and practically banished him from my sight while I calmed down. The second time I got all weepy. The third time that day he declared that to be it for the day, he wanted me ‘back to normal’.
Back to normal and we haven’t had sex … yet. He wants me tonight. Oh yeah, he wants me.
–luna
Posted in Life
By lunaKM on March 8, 2010
I’m feeling good about myself today. I dressed and put on make up. I did my exercise and I’ve gotten all of today’s chores accomplished. Not bad, really.
Tomorrow is more of the same. I have a bit of SubmissiveGuide work to do in the afternoon but I’m sure that as long as I feel at peace with myself things will get done.
Master and I are happy. We say I love you more than we have in the past and I love just watching him. I can’t believe that we are going to plan forever in just a few months. Wedding day will be here before you know it and I’ll be recognized as his in the eyes of the law. A simple thing really but so worth it. And worth the wait too.
I have a wedding planning blog so that I don’t bombard this blog with ideas and planning… also so that our family and friends can watch our wedding come together. I’ll probably post the link to the blog once the countdown is less than a year. Right now it’s just occasional posts about ideas and thoughts… no real progress yet. Of course, if you want the link early you can email me and I’ll hand it out. Just please remember that it’s a vanilla blog 
Master has been wonderfully dominant lately. He’s on my tail about all the little things and keeping me in line. I feel the purpose of my place and hope he continues being aware of what I’m doing and not allowing a slip.
Like wearing make up. Today he asked to see my face, he likes to approve or disapprove my make up. He also had my remove the pink chrome nail polish. He didn’t like it so I threw it away. I’ll have to repaint my nails tomorrow with something less flashy. And my mood about being feminine is shifting for the better. I’m dreaming of wearing skirts again, and I still have a skirt I need to finish sewing. (If you recall about 5 months ago I started making a reversible trapezoid wrap around skirt. I never finished it. All I have left is to sew on the sash and it’s done. I don’t know why I’m procrastinating. Then I can get permission to find some comfortable shoes to wear with my skirts and I’ll be all set. Girly girl me will be ready for Spring.
This week I’ll be using up the last of the laundry powder supplies I bought last February. Well, that’s not entirely true. I have the borax and washing soda yet, but I had to buy more bar soap to grate. I’ll be making a heap of it this week to replenish my stock.
Speaking of stock I have found THE best way to make stock. The crock pot. Oh I love it and don’t know why I didn’t think of it before now. Here’s how I do it.
Chicken Stock in the Crock Pot
- 1 2-3 lb chicken carcass remnants
- 2 carrots, broken in large pieces
- 2 ribs celery, broken in large pieces
- 1/2 onion, roughly chopped (you can have more, I don’t like onion much)
- 2 whole cloves garlic
- 6-8 whole peppercorns
- salt to taste
Place all veggies in bottom of crock pot. Add chicken on top. Fill to top with filtered water (tap works if it tastes good). Toss in peppercorns and season with salt. Turn crock pot on low and cook for 18-24 hours. I tend to stir about half way through.
Strain, chill, skim the fat off the top once cold and use or freeze for later. I’ll never go back to stove top stock. This stuff rocks!
–luna
Posted in Life, Simple Living | Tagged chicken stock, happiness, laundry, love
By lunaKM on March 5, 2010
I’m still coming down so this post may be incomprehensible. Master and I just finished playing for the first time in awhile. It was a delicious time, it really was. At one point he asked me what I wanted while he leaned hard on my tied up titties. I hollered that I wanted this to stop. Well he took it the wrong way and stopped altogether. I crashed, I got really quiet. I got angry that he stopped and then realized it was my fault. The playtime we did have was fantastic and I could totally have some more soon.
Which leads me to realize that even though I can communicate pretty well, I don’t do it well enough that Master can understand my every meaning. He asked me why I hadn’t said yellow. I had to come clean and tell him that stopping completely wasn’t my intention. So, what could have ended in orgasms for both of us ended short. Hopefully we’ll pick it up soon because I don’t want to feel like this.
We need to exercise today sometime. I’m hoping that will pick up my mood a bit. I’ve set an insane goal to lose 12 inches in the waist by January of next year when I’d like to purchase my wedding dress. I’m going to have to really work as far as exercise goes. I’m going to start doing stomach toning too to help tighten and strengthen and lean up my stomach. I think I can do about 1 inch a month or so… what do you think? This would get me into a size 22 dress according to the chart for the dress I want. That would be awesome!
–luna
Posted in Playtime | Tagged communication, crash, play, sub drop
By lunaKM on March 3, 2010
trazure asked me: “How do you handle the conflict of needing and wanting pain when a Master wont give it because he’s fearful of his own reaction to the enjoyment of your hurt?”
trazure,
Just as submissives and bottoms have to come to terms with the idea of enjoying pain, Dominants and Tops have to realize that it’s okay to enjoy giving it. I’d recommend that the Dominant talk to a few more experienced Tops, perhaps join a group so that he can get some mentoring and advice to help with his own fears. You might also like to read ‘The Loving Dominant“. It talks about SM play and the thoughts from the Dominant perspective as well as the submissive side.
As far as you handling the conflict, there isn’t much you can do. You can ask if you can play with someone else at a party or invite a friend over to take care of your need. You can self inflict some pain to take the edge off. You can help him reach a place he’s comfortable and do a little bit of pain play at a time; a small spanking, just using nipple clamps, scratching, etc. Incorporate it into your lovemaking and he might respond a bit better to it.
Best of luck-
luna
___
This is a question for March Question Month. If you have a personal question to ask me, please head on over the that post and ask!
Posted in BlogMail | Tagged march question month, pain conflict
By lunaKM on March 1, 2010
Now that the ring is here I’m less worrisome and more hopeful. Last night wasn’t so good though. I had this overwhelming fear that this marriage would fail like my first one did; that I’d lose the best thing that has happened to me. It had me crying in his arms. He said he understood but I’m not sure he could.
We picked up the ring and my mood shifted drastically. I can’t stop making it twinkle, right now I’m wiggling my finger with extra keystrokes. It’s great fun. A more beautiful ring I’ve never seen.
Tonight Master and I had some wonderful post-period sex; it’s hard to describe the sex after not having any for almost 2 weeks (due to horrid PMS). Sooo good. How’s that? He’s feeling the itch to be mean and sadistic and I know that soon I’ll be on the receiving end. Yum.
___
This month is typically Question Month in blog world, and I’m not immune. If you have questions you’d like to ask me feel free! I’ll take anything you can throw at me.
Posted in Life
By lunaKM on March 1, 2010
Posted in Wedding
By lunaKM on February 26, 2010
Master is such a wonderful man. I’m feeling so full of love and affection towards him. I’ve been lost in the clouds today and while it’s really not clear why I know that some of my thoughts have been about the fact that I’m going to be with this man for the rest of my life and how perfect that is.
I’ve been going through wedding stuff and Master opened up the door to talking about it so I’ve been bringing him ideas all evening. Red, pink and yellow seem to be the colors I’m settling on. I love the idea of having flowers, lots of flowers. I have invitations bookmarked that I like, a cake I JUST saw that looks awesome. Oh and these favors I saw (that Master isn’t thrilled about) that are plantable seed cards. How cool to give them wildflowers to plant!! Maybe he’ll like them later.
__
On the D/s front…. One of the things I’m supposed to do is remember to clean the drain of my hair in the shower (gross, I know). We’ll I’m on strike 2 of 3 and if I get in trouble again I’ll be bathing out of the sink for a week. Ick. He’s been easy on me for domestic chores as I’ve noted, but I know that’s over. I have to get my butt in gear for next week.
–luna
Posted in Life, Wedding | Tagged cake, in trouble, Master, wedding colors
By lunaKM on February 24, 2010
Master and I are in a dangerous mood. We want to go spend money willy nilly. The scary part is that neither of us would stop the other, I don’t think, and we’d be living on bread and water until his next paycheck. It would be bad.
Besides… we have plans for March. We want to go take a look at ceremony venues and place a deposit if we like the one that I’ve been oggling from online. I want to go see my friends in Des Moines and talk wedding stuff. Mom wants to have lunch with ‘the girls’ and share new baby news and engagement news. We have lots of things going on hopefully for next month.
Master has been really sweet to me this week. I’ve had PMS from hell and he’s been a bit lax on me for my domestic duties. I know I’ll get back into the mess of it once the cramps fade so that I can function. (Why do I hear in my head that ‘trwoo’ slaves would work just as hard during their cramps, so get over it?) Master treats me special, I’m spoiled. So there.
We’ve been exercising. It’s good. Both of us want to tone or lose weight for the wedding and if we start now we’re sure to get there. I hope the momentum will continue. I have a goal of at least 5 inches around the waist that I want to drop. More would be good, but 5 would put me in a dress size that I’d likely find more sample dresses to try on in. Master has already noticed a change in his belt. I can’t tell a thing about me since I’m a bloated as a whale. Hopefully I’ll be able to tell next week if I’m feeling leaner. I know I’m happy to be exercising. It feels good.
Oh and for those of you who have asked for pictures of the ring… it’s due back from the Jeweler on the 2nd.
–luna
Posted in Life | Tagged chores, exercise, PMS, ring
By lunaKM on February 22, 2010
The PMS I’m suffering this time is horrible. I’m tired of the cramps and bloating and painful boobies. I’m really tired of the feelings of depression and hell. I wish my period would just start.
Master could see my need to be alone today and granted my permission to go to Panera for the afternoon. It was nice and while I didn’t do a lot of work I think I came home feeling better than I started.
I’m also still driving Master nuts with wedding ideas. He told me he wasn’t talking about it today and except for a couple of times that I brought it up I think I did a good job. We should be getting a call to let us know that the ring is back and ready for pick up. That will be an exciting day.
That’s about all that’s going on here right now.
–luna
Posted in Life
By lunaKM on February 19, 2010
This week we’ve spent letting the family know of our engagement. It’s been a pretty overwhelmingly positive response. I’m really happy and it makes planning a wedding that much more exciting. Master is hoping to have his family come over from England and I would love to meet his mother at least.
I’ve changed my status on Facebook and FetLife to declare my love for Master and our engagement. Next week I’ll be able to flash my ring to everyone; it should be back from being sized by next Friday. Master has said on several occasions that he can’t wait to see the ring on my finger. I think that is when I’ll have my OMG moment. Then it just might set in.
Our sex life this week has been lacking and it’s mostly my fault. I’m not feeling it, and then today I woke with cramps ramped up to an 11. On meds they sit at a 6. Not exactly lust creating. But that doesn’t mean I’m not horny; on the contrary. But the idea of his cock pounding my cervix is scary. Today he asked me if I could put my hands behind my head to survey for bondage purposes and told me his desire to put the hood on me, tie my hands behind my head and face-fuck me. That’s coming soon, I know it.
If you are on my RSS reader you are most likely getting bombarded by my recipe additions. I’ve decided to put my recipe box online so that my favorite recipes are all in one place… and heck I can share them with you! There’s a link on the left for my Recipe Box if you are interested.
–luna
Posted in Life, Wedding | Tagged happy, sex life, Wedding
I'm a large, curvy, lustful submissive learning the ropes in a full time D/s relationship. My explorations with love and life and BDSM have brought me closer to the edge of pain and pleasure, deep desires for rope bondage and debauchery but moreso a desire to delve deeper into submission and service to my Master 
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