Ask me, do I have the apartment packed up yet?
Have I notified everyone of the move that needs to be told yet? Have I followed up on the movers and the new apartment manager, who I haven’t heard anything of since they took our signed lease and deposit in May?
Do I feel ready for the move yet?
And my answer would be no, no and no.
In just 20 days I’ll be moving from a town that I really enjoy, to a town I don’t know. Of course that’s how a move like this usually works and I realize that I’ll find things to do and people to see in the new town also. But that nagging though in the back of my mind is that we are only moving for one thing. Or rather, one person. Froggy.
So what happens if things go south for her and Master? I’m not saying it will, but there are always possibilities. Then there will be no reason to have moved at all. I can only hope we have some of our debt paid off that we want to accomplish so that our next move will be into a house.
I’m trying to be optimistic here. There is a BDSM community that I used to be a part of and will rejoin to see how it is now. I’m going to be bringing my Sub Forum to the area so I know I’ll be meeting people and helping submissives just as I currently do. I will likely enjoy our new apartment once I’ve moved things into it and claimed it as mine. I’m sure I’ll find things to enjoy about the new place – I just haven’t looked into it.
Really I’m living with ghosts, to be honest. This town has a lot of really happy memories for me. It was the town I had my first apartment in, when I was on my own, after flunking out of college, and doing well for myself.
This apartment is the last place I held Zeus and I can still see him running down the hall and looking out the balcony window. I won’t have those places to look when we move to imagine him. It’s been a year and I still cry over him. We leave and I feel like I’m leaving him behind. And maybe it’s time….
I’ve made a lot of friends here that I won’t be able to see as frequently, if at all. The distance isn’t really something that makes visits easy.
My mother will now be 2 hours away instead of 30 mins. She doesn’t have the best health and she’s naive in a lot of things. I feel like I have to watch out for her as best I can. Her other children don’t visit her or appear to care as much, which is sad.
It’s so stupid but these thoughts keep running around causing stress and doubt. I have to get them off my chest. This is my place to do it so you get to run around in my weird thoughts too.