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I’m really not sure what to talk about today. Master and I have been out of sorts since this weekend. We’ve had issues with feelings of a head cold, headaches and stress. Today we spent much of it apart, only coming together once or twice for an exchange. Not always good. It’s been difficult to understand what’s bothering him. Hopefully the time apart will be good for both of our spirits.
–luna
Today Master feed my retail whore and got me some new things. We went out early and I got some kitchen things that I will share a picture of later on. After going home for a break (sex break, woohoo!) we went back out for a big spending spree.
Oh wait, you wanted to hear about the sex? Well…. I had 3 hitachi induced orgasms and a good pounding. Better sex had never been seen.
We picked up our shopping where we left off and I got a makeup mirror with lights and some more makeup. You how hard it is to find an eye primer or creme shadow in a skin tone at Target? I swear I walked around for almost an hour. And I can’t wait to try the eggplant creme eyeliner I got. Speaking of makeup I’ve found someone that does tutorials for makeup when wearing glasses. I don’t show me in glasses in any of my pictures but they are a permanent part of my face so I wanted to make sure I was doing some technique to make the look I want look good with glasses. Oh and I have a new red lipstick that I’ll try tomorrow with a look so watch the sidebar or twitter for that mugshot to go up. Thanks to everyone who has let me know their fav looks so far. I’m loving the feedback!
After getting a new hard drive for our RAID Master suggested we go to the sex shop. Great idea right? We got some fun toys there and spent enough that we got a grab bag of goodies too! Once we got home we set straight to work trying them out.
Master has a thing for large objects. He loves to see how much he can fuck me with and this new dildo tops all that we have currently, except maybe the inflatable one. It’s 10″ and god, I haven’t a clue on diameter. I know I can’t get my fingers to touch when I hold it. Yikes!
It was good, very good. Just wow, you know? Enough about that.
I’m hoping that this weekend I’ll get the sleep I’ve been needing. I’m just not sleeping well. Tonight I’ve decided to take a sleeping pill to see if I can get some restful sleep that way. I’m off to do that now.
–luna
Yesterday after a rocky start to the day Master and I reconnected. We reconnected a lot! Heh.
During one of our hot steamy reconnections my mind kept screaming thoughts to him, things I wanted him to do to me. For the most part I tend to keep these things silent. Besides, if he’s playing with my clit for example, and I get this urge to have him grind his whole hand against my pubic bone it’s just not something I’m going to tell him because he’s having a great time doing what he’s doing and I’m not NOT enjoying it. It’s hard to explain really.
Last night we played with the fantasy I have of more than one guy. Master was filling in for all of them of course. In the heat of a really good moment I had one of those silent screams that I wanted him to do something. I wanted him to make me suck his dick. It was part of my fantasy usually and so I licked my lips and looked at him. I said it, I actually voiced what I wanted him to do and OMG it was hot!
I’m not sure what keeps me from voicing these things, if there is some residual feeling that I’d be topping from the bottom or that it’s embarrassment and shame that I’m such a cock hungry slut at times. Master likes to make me blush by taking note of my slutty behavior and having me repeat him. It’s a hot uncomfortable feeling. I get that same feeling when the inner voice screams for something that would make me even more a slut.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being Master’s slut, but when I find myself aiding the very thing that makes me embarrassed I keep it hiding. Does anyone else feel embarrassed by their own sexual desires as I do? Probably, but it’s also encouraged in our dynamic. He loves humiliating me sexually and gets off on making me repeat his dirty talk, pointing out how wet I’ve gotten or how loud I’m moaning. And I love it.
So, do I try to voice those inner screams more often and make myself even more slutty? I’m sure Master will ask me to do so. And I will have to break down that barrier and try.
–luna
The past 3 days have gone by painfully. I’m in a funk that makes me hard to talk to, I’m snippy and grumpy, withdrawn and unapproachable. Today I’ve cried for no reason and Master has noted my gloomy mood on more than one occasion. I don’t know why I feel this way. I can’t pinpoint anything that triggered my mood. I’m hoping I can shake it soon.
Ya know, maybe part of it is that I went straight from being sick to having my period. Sexual contact has been off the table for over 2 weeks! Master and I both are going insane. Period should be done by tomorrow so, as long as my mood goes away we’ll be busy… very busy.
Yesterday Master got news that his grandmother died. He is taking it better than I would, but I guess we handle death differently. What’s more frustrating is our cell phone plan won’t let him call home.
I went to Target yesterday with Master’s permission and got some make up supplies that would make my desire to learn proper technique a lot easier. I got some nice Sonia Kashuk brushes. I love them and can’t believe I’ve been using the crummy ones that I have been after today’s use. What a difference. I’m hoping to get some new eyeshadows in the coming months. I have a few new quad packs from walmart but I’m looking to get some quality stuff soon. I’m also watching a ton of videos on youtube for makeup application. I’ve found a woman I really really like: Makeup by TiffanyD. I’ve subscribed to her blog and I think I’ve watched at least half of her videos.
My next hope is that after I get into a routine of makeup application that I’ll start a skin care routine that includes moisturizer. Somewhere in my mind it says that if I take care of myself that my outer self with improve my inner self. I want to feel good about myself. Master will appreciate that, no doubt.
–luna
I feel ugly. I’ve felt unhappy with myself for several months. It’s been about that long since I got my eyebrows waxed. Something about that always makes me feel pretty. I have crappy makeup supplies and even worse talent in applying it.
I want to feel pretty again. Part of Master’s rules has always been to wear makeup, take care of my hair and remain hairless below my neck. I’ve really gone downhill in all of those things. It has to start somewhere but I think learning to apply makeup the way I want to look would be wonderful.
Tonight I’ve spent some time watching videos about makeup application and looking at cosmetics websites and dreaming up what I’d like to have. I have a few new pieces of makeup today and I’m going to practice my application skills so that I can hopefully perfect what I want to ultimately look like.
My experience with makeup application is my mother’s baby blue eyeshadow and pink lipstick. My best friend and I used to put on make up when we spent the night. She did really good but I can’t remember all the tricks we learned as children. I’m starting over from scratch. I want to learn how to do really neat eyeshadow techniques, wear eyeliner correctly and feel feminine again.
I have this huge pull to be feminine. I can’t explain it really. I want to wear dresses and skirts, although winters in Iowa is hardly the place for that. I want sexy clothing and I want to be someone that others look at and lust after. Sure I’m fat, but that is just one obstacle. Feeling beautiful will lead to being beautiful.
We’ll see what Master says about getting more makeup supplies.
I’d love your makeup tips if you have any.
–luna
I don’t know if I’ve ever talked about children on this blog, or the reason why I don’t have any. It’s not a secret. I don’t want kids. I’ve never wanted kids. When I was 8 years old I gave my sister all of my baby dolls. When mom asked why I had done that I stated matter of factly, “I don’t want to be a mommy.” Now I don’t know how Mom took that. I don’t know if she thought it reflected on how she mothered me and it doesn’t matter. My opinion has never changed. Even when I married children were never a thought. I’ve always been clear with my boyfriends that children were never going to happen with me so they had better know for sure what they want.
It’s not that I don’t like kids. I love kids. I just do NOT want the responsibility of raising kids. I don’t want them around all the time. I may not know what I want all the time, but I do know that kids are definitely not a part of it.
I use the excuse a lot of times that other people ‘like the Duggars’ have already hit the quota for kids and I’m not going to add to world overpopulation. I say that I’m afraid that the abuse I suffered will be repeated and I’ll become an abuser (it’s a real fear I have). A kid crying grates on my nerves so bad and if they scream and raise havoc I want to go over and shake them sometimes. It’s bad.
I do not spend more than a few hours alone around kids. It’s for their safety and my sanity. I’m fine with other people around, for some reason it’s manageable.
I can’t write about what it’s like to have kids or be submissive while being a parent. Does this make me any less of a submissive or a person? No. I know where my limits are and I do not assume to know what it’s like to be a parent submissive. Anyone who has asked for my advice I clearly state that I am not a mother and don’t really know what to do for them. This doesn’t change my opinion that being a parent doesn’t make being a submissive any more difficult. It just makes it different. You do things differently. You think differently. You behave differently. How you handle being different CAN make it difficult, but again this is not the same thing.
If you have additional questions about my choice for no children in my life I’d be happy to answer them.
–luna
I’ve written a new post over on SparkPeople.com. If you are following my diet efforts, come on over!
After a week of illness all that I have left is a nagging cough and I still fatigue easily. I’m getting better though and that’s a good thing. Just in time for my period. Yup, isn’t it grand?
I have my work cut out for me as I reclaim the home and clean it up again. It’s gotten so messy since I got sick. I feel bad about it, but I know I didn’t have the energy to do much of anything.
Last night I had my chat night on Submissive Guide. It was a pretty good discussion and something came up that has been a recent pet peeve of mine that I’d like to talk about.
Since when did being in the D/s lifestyle mean that everything is harder or impossible? I’ve read numerous threads asking for advice on how to cope when your partner goes away on business, or how to be a mom/dad and a submissive, or what to do when you are sick. Is it really any different? Hell no! Sure you live your life differently but that doesn’t make coping with time apart any different than others, or raising children any more difficult or how to ‘tolerate’ being cared for when you are sick. It just irks me that people seem to over think too much and over complicate the simplest of things.
A D/s relationship is still a relationship. A parent is still a parent and being sick is still being sick. You can and do handle these things just fine before you put on the role you choose to wear, why would it be any different?
/vent
–luna
Each day I feel a little bit better so that’s a good sign. I’m still sick and sleeping or resting constantly. I am, however, starting to feel pressure to do something. My pre-written posts for Subguide run out Wednesday. I have not been in the right mind to write well enough to produce what people are used to. Master tells me to rest, that I have a right to be sick and not work. He’s right of course. I need to allow my body to recover before I push myself too far.
I thought it was just a cold and for awhile, that’s really all it was. It’s more like severe cold I guess. I get worn out after only 20 mins of activity. Master has insisted I nap more often because I’m not sleeping well. Coughing wakes me up and I’m even waking up because I clear my throat in my sleep. It’s miserable. Master is sleeping on the couch because my snoring has been horrible. I miss having him in bed with me and I feel this illness has put a wall between us. I can’t wait till I’m well again.
–luna
On Tuesday I asked over on Submissive Guide the following Question:
What myth(s) do you know about pertaining to BDSM? What is the truth behind the myth? Why should it be dispelled?
Now I’ve talked about myths here on this blog several times but since they are buried in my archives I thought I’d showcase them here. Take a look at what I think are some of the biggest BDSM myths around.
Erotic Slavehood: A Miss Abernathy Omnibus by Christina Abernathy
Alton Brown’s Gear For Your Kitchen by Alton Brown
Tom's cunt (8)
Kayla (7)
WhippedBlade (7)
Jessie Beth (6)
raven (5)
kethry (4)
anonymouse (3)
mr J (3)
patricialynn (3)
pet angel (3)
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